We Found Definitive Proof Peter Won't Be The Next Bachelor

At the end of this season of The Bachelorette, it was kind of looking like Peter Kraus may or may not be the next Bachelor. I mean, he basically set himself up in every way to be the show’s next star.

He wore a lot of gray sweaters and seemed mature enough to take on the role as evidenced by not spilling the beans about having kissed Rachel on Ellen like the rest of those yahoos did, including fucking Bryan with a Y. Goddammit, Rachel.

Even though Peter was doing everything right throughout the whole show, he probably shot himself in the foot when he said he wouldn’t be ready to propose to someone after 6 weeks. Which is, you know, basically the entire point of the show. The show runners love that shit. They want everyone to say “I love you” and then have a big proposal on a mountaintop in Spain where the audio is fucked up because it’s windy up there. I assume, right? That’s got to be it.

Things were looking good for our prospects of watching our favorite gap-toothed hottie find love on television. But then it all came crashing down when the show’s Godfather/Creator Mike Fleiss tweeted this life-ruiner:

Mike Fleiss Tweet

So, he’s basically saying that if there’s no engagement climax at the end of the season, it’s not even worth it. Which is 1) fair and 2) understandable since that’s pretty much the whole point of the show. We can’t handle another Bachelor asshole like Juan Pablo who refuses to even tell the winner that he loves them. We want romance on speed when we watch this shit, not take your time like the rest of the sane people on the planet. That’s just real life and not entertainment. Boring.

Peter should have known not to use the “6 weeks isn’t enough” excuse as to why he didn’t want to marry Rachel if he really wanted to be the next Bachelor, which, we’re all assuming is what he wants based on his high school yearbook.

If it’s not first-choice Peter, then who is it? Well, Rachel herself told Good Morning America she would like to see Alex or Dean in the spot. But that would mean Dean can’t find the love of his life on BiP and it would all turn into a sort of Nick Viall situation again. Ew, I hate that I just had to compare Dean to Nick. Alex, though, that’s sort of a left-field choice but he did seem hot and funny. I’m not totally mad about it.

Of course, this could all be a big ploy to throw the dogs us off his trail so Peter can quietly pack for LA without everyone knowing that he’s the guy. Who even knows anymore. We’re just ready for the producers to Make The Bachelor Great Again and have next season to be the most dramatic yet, obvi.