10 Sad Details We Just Learned About Melania Trump's Life

Melania unveiled her “Be Best” platform yesterday, but a new profile in The Washington Post has us wondering…is Melania the saddest (rich) woman in the world? Aside from the fact that her husband is currently involved in a very public scandal in which he (allegedly) paid off a porn star to stfu about the fact that he slept with her just months after Melania had given birth, Melania’s life has a bunch of other sad details that make you wonder, “How bad should I feel for this woman?”

1. She And Trump Don’t Hang Out

It probably doesn’t surprise you to learn that Melania and Donald don’t spend much quality time these days. In fact, they barely see each other. According to several current and former White House aides, POTUS and FLOTUS rarely even eat together. That makes sense. You don’t get to look like the First Lady by indulging in the president’s favorite meal: 3,500 calories of McDonald’s.

2. They Even Travel Separately

Even when they’re going to the same place, President Trump and the First Lady travel separately. After the story about Trump sleeping with Playboy model Karen McDougal broke, Melania did not walk with Trump across the White House lawn to board Air Force One, instead meeting him on the plane.

Actual footage of Melania on that flight:

3. Trump Maybe Didn’t Get Her A Birthday Present

In an appearance on Fox and Friends which happened to take place on Melania’s birthday, the president said, “Maybe I didn’t get her so much. I got her a beautiful card. You know I’m very busy to be running out looking for presents.” Here’s hoping next year the president gets Melania the one thing she truly desires in this world: a divorce.

4. She’s Never In The West Wing

Melania apparently “rarely sets foot” in the West Wing, where her husband, Ivanka, and Jared conduct the majority of her bullshit. While she will go to the West Wing for “official duties”, she never checks in on the president, and spends most of her time in the East Wing, where she is renovating her own office. Motion for Aaron Sorkin to write a new show called The East Wing that’s just about Melania trying to avoid everyone in her family for four years.

5. She And Ivanka Aren’t Friends

According to The Washington Post, Ivanka and Melania, despite their similarities (both are former models, both have been hit on by Donald Trump), “do not have a close relationship.” When Melania chose not to move into the White House right away, some of her staff were diverted to Ivanka’s office in the White House. Drama, drama, drama…

6. Her Staff Friend Group Is Really Small

Melania has an unusually small staff for a first lady. She currently has a staff of 10 people, which is about half the size of Michelle Obama’s “at it’s peak”. During her husband’s rallies, Melania often holds “meetings with just a few people”. I imagine her invite says something like “It’s just a couple cool people who want to ignore the fact that my husband is destroying the world and you’d better be one of them, beyotch!”

7. She Really Is Doing This Cyberbullying Thing

Even though everyone cyberbullied Melania when they learned cyberbullying would be her focus as First Lady, that hasn’t stopped her from moving forward with the initiative. In March, Melania invited top executives from Twitter and Facebook to talk about internet safety. At the meeting she said she was “well aware that people are skeptical of me discussing this topic,” probably referring to the fact that her husband literally built a career cyberbullying people on Twitter. On Monday, Melania officially announced her “Be Best” platform, which focuses on well-being, social media, and opioids – aka all things her husband needs help with.

8. She’s Down With The Birther Stuff

Speaking of Donald Trump’s cyberbullying, Melania apparently has no issue with the birther stuff. In an interview in 2011, Melania told Joy Behar that “it would be very easy if President Obama would just show it,” and “it’s not only Donald that wants to see it.” They want to see it.” Casual reminder that Melania is an immigrant who brought her parents to the U.S. via chain migration.

9. She Signed A Crazy Prenup

It probably doesn’t surprise you to learn that Melania signed a prenup when she married POTUS 13 years ago, and while we don’t know what’s in it, I think we can all pretty much guess that there isn’t a lot of wiggle room for her to tell her side of the story if/when they divorce. I think I speak for all gossip hungry Americans when I say that if Melania were to spill tea on the president, I’m sure we’d all chip in on the GoFundMe for her legal fees.

10. She Tries To Give Trump Advice

Melania, whose approval rating is wayyyy higher than her husband’s, does try to give him advice from time to time. She apparently has given him advice regarding his tweets, and told him he should be “more concerned” about the Mueller investigation in late 2017. According to anonymous sources, Melania “does not trust” certain members of Trumps staff *cough*Jared*cough*, and that she particularly disliked Steve Bannon. Same, Melania. Same.

So obvs, Melania’s spokeswoman Stephanie Grisham has denied basically every single one of these details. Given the Trump Administration’s sterling reputation for honesty with the press, I guess we should take her at her word.

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Images via: Giphy (4)

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.