Trump will go down in history as many things. A racial tension-stoker. A climate change-denier. A collusion-maker, and
definitely maybe even a crime-doer. But I think we can all agree that most importantly, Trump will be remembered as the fattest modern president, one that has the ghost of William Taft quietly moaning “beware the bathtubs” through the halls of the White House’s private residence.
And how does America’s thiccest POTUS maintain a body that aligns him so well with his supporters? How does a man of his stature consume the energy necessary to power lengthy, rage-induced early AM tweetstorms from atop his golden toilet? According to former campaign manager Corey Lewandowski and aid David Bossie, it’s by consuming a shitload of the finest reconstituted cow rectum America has to offer: McDonald’s.
The press is salivating over their new book, Let Trump Be Trump for a lot of reasons you’d expect: it portrays the president as a massive, stupid asshole, one who got into cursing matches with his political advisors and had his suits steamed while he was wearing them. But it also contains some choice tidbits about the Big Wet Boy’s eating habits, which as previously mentioned are way more important to the national political discourse:
“And Trump’s appetite seems to know no bounds when it comes to McDonald’s, with a dinner order consisting of ‘two Big Macs, two Fillet-O-Fish, and a chocolate malted.’”
Trump’s fast-food diet is a theme. “On Trump Force One there were four major food groups: McDonald’s, Kentucky Fried Chicken, pizza and Diet Coke,” the authors write.
There’s also an anecdote about Trump leaving a staffer at a McDonald’s because his order was taking too long, which is cold as hell. But while impressive, this is not necessarily surprising. Trump has been photographed eating McDonald’s, KFC and his own building’s taco bowls. His dietary habits, along with his barely-concealed racism and lack of macroeconomic understanding, may literally be the only thing that connects him to the average American.
Business Insider crunched some numbers and found that the aforementioned order packs about 2,500 calories and about 70 grams of fat, which they note is about twice what a man his age should eat in an entire day. But again, Trump’s obsession with eating like a gross fatass is well-documented. His obsession with fast food is a combination of germaphobia, careful image crafting, convenience and genuine preference. Of course, he famously avoids exercise because he believes humans are born with a finite amount of energy (sure it’s not those bone spurs, Don?).
This is, of course, just one more thing that makes him infuriating. Despite a diet that would kill anyone else half his age, one look at his children prove that the president has genes far better than they have any right to be. Dream all you want of a McDouble-induced coronary, but he’ll still be here, hands slicked with chicken grease, or the secretions of an unconsenting woman. Either or, really.
Head Pro also talks politics on twitter, and you can follow him at @betchesheadpro. Email him your own bad political takes at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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