Remember the days when TV award shows used to be fun?! I miss the days when we could all just be a little silly goofy on main, like when Tina and Amy co-roasted A-listers and Ryan and Rachel reenacted their famous kiss to feed the fanfics. Hell, I’m even yearning for some pop culture chaos, like when Nicki Minaj basically challenged Miley Cyrus to a duel on live television.
That’s why I’m practically giddy about Bowen Yang and Matt Rogers announcing that the Las Culturistas Culture Awards would be airing on Bravo this year. Based off of the hilar hijinks these cultured bois have already gotten up to during the previous three Culture Awards, I knew Readers would be in for a supersized treat with bringing the tradition to TV. Yet I’m still impressed (and cackling) at the announcement of the Las Culturistas Culture Award nominees.
Las Culturistas Awards: Funniest Categories In 2025
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Harshest Truth about Wicked
The thing about my favorite movie of last year, Wicked, is that while it’s a whimsical musical fantasy, it’s also real darksided. The absurd nominees for this category are: “Ableism, and as a result, bullying,” “Racism, and as a result, bullying,” “The mom cheated on the dad – adultery,” “Fascism as a result of bullying,” and “Pfannee not realized, we don’t get into his gay story (what was that like? Was it hard coming out or was Pfannee born wealthy? Prequel idea about this).” While I’m obsessed with Bowen’s plug for his own character, I’m personally rooting for “Racism, and as a result, bullying.”
Grief of the Year
Here’s what Matty and Bowen are presenting as the saddest shit to go down in 2025: “Avatar 2: The Way of Water,” “Bowen’s birthday was the day after the 2024 election,” “The boat episode of Succession,” “When we thought for a second the pervy lil bro died on White Lotus from the protein smoothie,” and “Paige left Summer House.” I have a feeling Paige will be the Kayteigh’s choice, but I’m personally pulling for Bowen’s B-Day being botched.
Filet Mignon Award for Best Beef
There’s nothing I love more than a celebrity beef, sue me! The very serious race is between “Ribeye” (lol), “Miss Piggy defending herself using the art of karate,” “Hilary Duff vs. Faye Dunaway,” “Benito Skinner – Overcompensating,” and “Bulgogi.” Let’s go, Benito!! Here’s hoping he shows up to accept if he wins.
Walking Home Alone Award for What Women *Have* To Do
First off: hahahahahaha. Now that that’s out of the way, I think “Learn about ‘toxic shock syndrome’ and then worry about it until you die” is a shoo-in, but let’s take a loot at the nominees: “Purse (heavy, too big),” “Purse (so small not functional),” “Just go talk to him to make sure he’s okay,” and “Heels on the grass at a wedding.” Actually, shit, that last one’s good too.
Lindsay Lohan in Parent Trap Award for Twins Excellence
Naturally, “Michael B. Jordan – Sinners” is the favorite, but the other options have me laughing out loud. “Zooey Deschanel (married to a twin),” “Josh Sharp and Aaron Jackson – Dicks: The Musical,” “Lisa Kudrow – Friends / Frasier,” and “Soap operas – evil and normal.” I mean, any excuse to talk about a Property Brother.
Oh, This Body? It Stays Keeping the Score Style Icon Award
But how are we supposed to pick between “Zendaya” and “Shrek”?!? The other nominees are Anna Wintour (a fitting send-off from her role as EIC at Vogue), Dracula (sure, yes), and Dr. Orna Guralnik (yeah, duh).
Most Iconic Building or Structure
The competition is stiff between “Universal Helios Grand Hotel, a Loews Hotel – Epic Universe,” “Gobi tent – Coachella,” “The Coney Island Cyclone,” “Lumon Headquarters – Severance,” and “Mirror house, Abracadabra – Lady Gaga – SNL.”
Best Title for the Next Bridget Jones
My favorite romcom absolutely does need another iteration, thanks! The suggested next sequel titles include: “Bridget Jones 5: Oops All Bridgets,” “5bridget5jones,”
“Bridget Jones: Oh No She Betta Bridget,” “Bridget On: All or Nothing,” and my personal favorite, “Bridget Jones to Terabithia.” The content crossover we need!
Song That They’re Absolutely Blasting in Trader Joe’s
HA and I can’t stress this enough, HA. Which lyrical classics have Bowen and Matty presented for this distinct honor? “I Write Sins Not Tragedies” – Panic! at the Disco, “Into the Groove” – Madonna, “Rich Girl” – Gwen Stefani, “Higher” – Creed, and “Rich Girl” – Hall & Oates. I’m rooting for Rich Girl because that’s how manifesting works, right?
