Kylie Jenner Is Already Exploiting Her Baby For Money

Well, that didn’t take long at all. Kylie Jenner gave birth less than a month ago, and she’s already using the glory of motherhood to make some cold hard cash. Many of us were fooled into thinking motherhood had changed Kylie since she kept her pregnancy a secret and didn’t use it as a sponsorship opportunity like we would’ve expected, but we were wrong. Earlier this week, Kylie’s new makeup collection was unveiled: the Weather Collection.  It’s meant to be an homage to her newborn daughter Stormi, and we’re sure the little girl really appreciates being pimped out to sell some lipstick. We live in a society of capitalism, and no child is too young to be exploited for extra income.

Let’s take a look at what Kylie’s new makeup collection has to offer.  There are three new matte lipstick shades guaranteed to make your lips chapped, one of which is black (relatable!), and the other two are just nude. Like, they’re just fucking nude. There are two palettes (eyeshadow and pressed powder), creatively titled Eye of the Storm and Calm Before the Storm. Is it coming across that this is all weather themed? There’s also some “ultra reflective” glitter lip gloss in there if you’re really tryna party like it’s 1999. Kylie has really pulled out all the stops for the Weather Collection, and it can probably all be yours for like $200 or something.

Two days to go! #WeatherCollection launches 02/28 at 3pm pst ⚡️????

A post shared by Kylie Cosmetics (@kyliecosmetics) on

While I understand that Kylie is a businesswoman just trying to rule the world before she turns 21, it does seem a little fucked up to blatantly make money off an infant. Like, Stormi hasn’t even tried solid food and she’s having glitter eyeshadow named after her. Not to mention, Kylie’s new makeup collection was clearly in the works way before Stormi was born, so for her to act like she was soooo inspired by being a mom is a little fake. You know she’s had this shit on her vision board for at least nine months, so it’s basically like when Taylor Swift still acts surprised to win an award.

I’d also like to point out that Kylie, who just declared a week ago that she was done with Snapchat, is a big fucking liar. On Sunday, she had no less than 11 snaps on her story, most of which were about the Weather Collection. Sorry Snapchat, but Kylie Jenner is that fuckgirl who ruins your life but then acts like you mean the world to her.

Kylie’s new makeup collection drops on Wednesday, and we don’t have ESPN or anything, but there’s at least a 30% chance that it’s going to sell out instantly. Kylie Jenner fans are crazy enough that they will spend their parents’ hard-earned money on bright yellow eyeshadow, and even I have to applaud that kind of loyalty.

Images: Shutterstock; @kyliejenner / Instagram; Giphy (2)

Dylan Hafer
Dylan Hafer
Dylan Hafer has watched over 1000 episodes of Real Housewives because he has his priorities in order. Follow him on Instagram @dylanhafer and Twitter @thedylanhafer for all the memes you could ever want.