In a good year, I might take three vacations, and at least one of them is to visit my parents. Shockingly, Kourtney Kardashian and I live very different lives. The eldest Kardashian sister has a passion for travel, and she’s really never not on vacation. Literally, Kourtney Kardashian went on vacation more than 10 times SINCE JANUARY alone, which I think is more than the amount of times I have received a pay check. *Takes deep, calming breaths* Anyway. Her Instagram feed is basically just a vacation blog at this point, because she’s only in LA for like one out of every 10 photos. Seriously, who takes care of her kids, and don’t say that it’s Scott and teenage step mommy Sofia Richie, because I don’t believe that for a second. They must have the best nannies in the world, and they should get a reality show please and thank you.
Since the start of 2018, Kourtney has gone on no less than 11 trips/vacations, totaling more than a month of total travel time. Kourtney Kardashian takes vacations like I take my birth control. Someone please give me a reality show ASAP, because I would love to be on vacation for 25% of my life. Some of her trips are with her boyfriend, Younes, and others are with her kids or her sisters, but sometimes it’s a complete mystery. Maybe she goes alone and just asks randos to take pictures of her? It’s probably that. Here are all of the places Kourt has been so far this year, and yes I am jealous.
January 6-9: Park City, Utah
Kourtney kicked off her 2018 with a ski vacation in Deer Valley Resort in Utah, where she was joined by her kids. It seems like her kids don’t usually get to come on her trips, so it’s fun that she didn’t leave them at home with Scott this time. Deer Valley isn’t cheap, and the best accommodations are thousands of dollars a night. Never forget the ski trip episode of KUWTK when they took Kim’s Blackberry and threw it down the stairs. I fucking love this family.
January 23-25: Punta de Mita, Mexico
Literally weeks later, Kourtney Kardashian went on vacation to Mexico, where she spent a fun few days hanging out in Punta de Mita, which I’ve never heard of, but it looks amazing. She’s alone in all the photos, so it’s unclear who she went with, but she looked hot. Also, she tagged her hotel in every photo she posted, so it’s safe to say she didn’t pay for anything on this trip. If you want to stay at the Imanta Resort like Kourtney, you’ll be spending at least $765 a night for the cheapest room. Also she captioned one of her instas “guac is extra” so make that $768.
February 4-5: New York City
Kourt popped up to NYC for a couple days, where she had breakfast at Tiffany’s with Penelope and North. It was just the three ladies for the weekend, with Kim and the other kids nowhere to be seen. This would be a cute idea, if it didn’t seem like North hates Penelope from all the photos. Maybe North just hates everyone, not like I can relate. Also, I feel like going to the new cafe at Tiffany’s is the NYC nicegirl move of 2018.
February 18: Skiing (Again)
Kourtney gave absolutely no context for this photo, but I’m just going to assume that she was skiing on February 18. Usually she’s not so cryptic about her trips, but there’s not much info here. I’m hoping that she’s sitting in between Scott and Younes and that they finally had a threesome, but it’s probably just two randos that we wouldn’t even care about. No matter who else is in the picture, flying somewhere to ski just for the day is so Kourtney Kardashian.
February 26-March 4: Japan
The Kardashian sisters took a big vacation to Japan as Khloé’s “babymoon,” which is A) not a thing and B) really not a fucking thing. Nevertheless, I am still very jealous of the week they spent exploring Tokyo and Kyoto. Kourtney served some major looks while she was in Japan, and tbh “Tokyo Kourtney” would be my ideal character if I was designing a video game. Remember back when we could appreciate Khloé’s pregnancy without knowing about the cheating shit storm that was to come? Those were the days.
April 2-3: Big Sur
There’s no better way to emphasize Kourtney’s tinyness than hanging out with the literal biggest trees on the planet. I’m glad Kourt took some time to connect with nature, but seeing her in a flannel feels very wrong. Like, where is all the skin? Whatever, Kourtney was really feeling her Northern California vibe for the two days that she was there, and I would absolutely do the same thing.
April 4: San Francisco
After living her Big Little Lies fantasy in Big Sur for a couple days, Kourt headed north to San Francisco, where she wore some unfortunate jeans while it was clearly too cold to be at the beach. Kourtney’s Nor-Cal fashion game is giving me a headache, so thank god she usually vacations in sunnier places. I also can’t really picture her in San Francisco, because I feel like she would just be complaining the whole time about how it’s not LA.
April 8-11: Turks & Caicos
Post-Japan, Kourtney and Kim hung out in Turks & Caicos for a few days, while Khloé was trapped in Cleveland with
the fucking devil Tristan Thompson. Kourt posted one Insta where she’s sitting on a bar and wearing a Chanel fanny pack, which is everything I want out of 2018. Seriously, she is so hot. I also need to know how many tries this perfect surfboard photo took, because I would absolutely tip over into the water 17 times.
April 18-20: Random Trailer
For Kourtney’s 39th birthday, Younes surprised her with a little getaway to a luxury Airstream trailer somewhere in Malibu. Usually I wouldn’t put the words “luxury” and “trailer” in the same sentence, but this place looks incredible. Brb, sending screenshots of this to the guy I’m talking to just as a little hint of what I want for my birthday. Also, again Kourtney, wtf are those jeans, and why?
April 24-25: Washington DC
Okay, so this wasn’t truly a vacation, but someone else had to watch her kids for a couple days so it counts. Kourt went to Washington to speak before congress about chemicals in shampoo or some shit like that, and she did some sightseeing while she was in the nation’s capital. She was there to see the famous cherry blossoms, and also posted a photo at the Lincoln Memorial. Praise be to Kourtney Kardashian, queen of flowers and also of history. She does it all!
May 6-8: Canyon Point, Utah
As I write this, Kourtney is probably getting dirt all over her Yeezys in some canyon in Utah. She surprised Younes with a trip to Utah for his 25th birthday, and it actually looks like a lot of fun. They’re staying at the Amangita Resort, which is a favorite of Kim’s (and also Kyle Richards stayed there like last week), and getting lots of good photo ops in front of the red rocks. This place will definitely be on my list once I’m in a position to take 32 vacations a year.
Images: Shutterstock; @kourtneykardash / Instagram (11)