Juul Is Canceling All Its Best Flavors To Save The Teens

‘Twas Robert Frost who wrote “nothing gold can stay” but twas Juul that implemented “nothing mango flavored can stay.” The company, which is responsible for over 75% of all e-cig sales, has taken its flavored pods off the shelves and shut down all of its social media in the U.S. so that edgy teens won’t be so tempted to smoke them. All products are still available online, a sphere impenetrable to teens, I’m sure. 

The flavors they’ve rescinded are mango, creme, cucumber, and fruit. Not only are kids in danger of becoming addicted to e-cigs, they won’t properly learn that mango is a fruit and that “fruit” in and of itself should not be a flavor. I digress. Mint and tobacco pods are still for sale though, so kids looking to smell like their grandparents aren’t going to be affected by this at all.

This move seems to be done to appease the watchful eye of the FDA and is also in line with Juul pulling back from posting on social media. The FDA actually raided Juul’s San Francisco headquarters in September but we were all busy be traumatized by the Kavanaugh hearings to care all that much. What a fun country we live in.

According to Juul’s CEO, Juul’s “intent was never to have the youth use” their product, but if that’s the case then why does it taste like literal cake and look like a flash drive? For those of us who remember what dial up internet looks like (or had a computer like the one in the above gif), Juul is backing efforts to up the ages to buy the flavored Juul pods from 18 to 21, so at least us twenty-somethings will be able to destroy our lungs in peace. 

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