Well, it’s official. Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner, once heralded as Patron Saints of Cool Couples everywhere, are divorcing after four years of marriage. The news first broke on Labor Day, and was confirmed by Joe and Sophie on their respective Instagram pages on Wednesday.
Rumors continue to swirl about the split and reasons behind it, but one piece of news has many playing Nancy Drew. According to sources, Joe caught something on the couple’s Ring camera that “made him realize the marriage was over.” But what could it be? Betches decided to go straight to the source and conduct an interview with none other than the name on everyone’s lips, Sophie and Joe’s Ring camera.
BETCHES: First of all, I’m so sorry to have you here under such sad circumstances. How are you holding up?
RING CAMERA: You know, I’m really in shock like the rest of you. These are people I’ve seen laugh together, cry together; I’ve protected them. I’ve watched their babies grow. I’ve received their bulk delivery Amazon orders of plush adult onesies!
B: I’m so sorry. You may be able to guess our biggest question for you today…
RC: I can probably guess.
B: What could Sophie have said or done on camera that really made Joe know things were over?
RC: Listen, you and I both know, I’m not privy to share that information. I simply can’t! Though I will say Joe’s ego is very hurt. He’s a sensitive person! I should know. His therapist makes house calls.
B: Wow. Tell me, what are some of the most interesting or wild or exciting things you’ve captured on Joe and Sophie’s camera?
RC: Well I have to keep it fairly PG-13, I mean you know I don’t want to end up in some Dade County Best Buy recycled electronics bin, but I’ve captured some fun moments. There was the time Kevin sent a Pampers truck over and filled the driveway with diapers after the pooping-on-stage incident, one time Demi came over to see if there were any ghosts in the house, and Haley Lu Richardson even stopped by a few times. She can apparently do an amazing keg stand.
B: Wait, were there any ghosts in the house?
RC: Of course there were ghosts in the house! Pablo Escobar used to live here.
B: Who do you think will get custody of you amid the divorce?
RC: Well, sadly the house Sophie and Joe were living in has been sold so I’m kind of in a limbo situation at the moment. Probably Joe? He’s actually a bit paranoid that Taylor Swift has me tapped…
B: Wait, does she?!
Ed note: PR spokesperson interrupts our Zoom to say it’s time to wrap up the call.
B: Ok, final question. I’ve heard your doorbell chime is very unique.
RC: *Sighs deeply* Yes. Pitbull made a club remix of the Game of Thrones theme song as a wedding gift.