Until now, we (the mole creatures of the internet) lived by simple rules of life. A fringe only looks good for the first week after visiting the salon. Sex with an ex is only permitted during a religious holiday or when it’s part of a pagan sacrifice. Being attracted to Spirit the Stallion doesn’t count as bestiality, just Matt Damon-ality. And the final commandment: every man looks better with a beard.
Then Jacob Elordi came along and spoiled it all by debuting his face bush at the Marrakech Film Festival on November 29. Usually, we all splash for a man with facial hair, and the Beard Effect has been proven true by countless celebs, including David Beckham (smash), Henry Cavill (smash), Dev Patel (smash), and Brian Cox (don’t lie, total smash). But Elordi’s beard has the internet — and my clitoris — confused. Is this the first man who doesn’t look better with a beard? And how can you know if your BF will be another exception to the Beard Effect? Let’s dive in [with clippers].
Why does Jacob Elordi have a beard?
If you listened closely enough, you could hear a gasp rippling across the globe when Elordi took to the stage in Morocco with his beard. And no, I’m not talking about Olivia Jade Giannulli. Elordi paired his face bush with a Bottega Veneta tuxedo (no tie) and a glitzy gold watch. His hair was loose and wavy, and in all honesty, it was giving winner at the cult leader awards ceremony. He was there as part of the prestigious film festival’s jury alongside director Luca Guadagnino, actor Andrew Garfield, Patricia Arquette, and more. To really put salt in the wound, behind Elordi was an older photo of him PB (Pre-Beard).
It felt like the beard was thrust upon us without any warning, but reflection suggests Elordi has been edging us towards it for a while. At the Bottega Veneta Spring 2025 show back during Milan Fashion Week in September, he was sitting in the front row with a mustache and the beginnings of this shaggy hairstyle. It appears that he hasn’t touched a trimmer since those pre-election days. But why? Well, we have no conclusive reports on this urgent matter (strangely, Elordi’s team won’t respond to my numerous Instagram DMs), so I’ll have to speculate. Insert a bunch of allegedies, supposedlies, perhaps, and maybes, so I don’t get sued by the bush.
Third Season Of Euphoria
In the highly anticipated third season of Euphoria, Elordi is set to reprise the role of bad boy heartbreaker Nate Jacobs. It’s been rumored that there will be a time jump, so perhaps his beard is a not-so-subtle way of showing time has passed. But given that we last saw Nate aged eighteen, they’d have to skip two decades for the beard to be believable.
Distancing Himself From Younger Roles
Perhaps the beard is his equivalent of the Miley Cyrus wrecking ball, as posed by News.com.au. “It isn’t uncommon for stars to try and shake up their images to join the big leagues. Remember when Miley Cyrus got on an actual wrecking ball naked to prove her point?” the actor’s native news site questioned. This may be his way of creating distance from his teenage roles like The Kissing Booth and Euphoria and positioning himself to get more work like Priscilla and Deep Water.
For His New Role In Wuthering Heights
Elordi is nothing if not intentional. I don’t believe he sneezes without someone around to bless him. So why the beard? Perhaps this is an attempt not to be boxed in by any roles. He’s recently been announced as Heathcliff in Emerald Fennel’s Wuthering Heights (don’t get me started), so this could be part of his character prep.
Maybe It’s Non-Film Related (*gasp*)
He could have gotten super religious or joined a cult. He certainly looks the part. Perhaps he discovered the added friction it provides to certain bedroom activities (iykyk ladies). He could be rearing up for a Gilette sponsorship. Perhaps he was going through a hard time, I always neglect to shave in my depressive episodes. Or maybe he was just participating in No-Shave November, in which case I’m disappointed he didn’t even try to use his publicity to raise money.
Why don’t people like Jacob Elordi’s beard?
As @kittypeets put it on Twitter, “Finally, living proof that all men do not look better with a beard thanks to Jacob Elordi.”
Usually, a celeb comes out with any form of facial hair and the internet falls at their feet. They inevitably become known as “daddy” or other fond pet names. This has been seen in recent years with Pedro Pascal’s mustache and then beard (swoon), as well as Zac Efron’s manly transition into beardom. But this time, we all paused, and confusion set in. Men with beard = hot. But why was Jacob Elordi not eliciting that effect?
It’s hard to put your finger on the why of the matter. Is it the loss of Elordi’s sculpted jawline? Not to be cliche, but that jaw could’ve cut his own sandwich in half (triangles, not rectangles, obviously). Perhaps the beard could’ve been acceptable on its own, but paired with this unfamiliar hairstyle, it’s too overwhelming. Maybe it’s because we’re used to him playing high schoolers, and now he looks like the drama teacher who enjoys pitting theater girlies against each other and reminiscing about how he almost got a callback for A Chorus Line.
Personally, I believe it’s a matter of length. I worry that Elordi was trying to match his beard length to his…erm, other sizable assets (I mean, the man is 6ft 5) and thus negated the cardinal rule of beard length. Stubble, hot. Short, hot. Long, ick. I want to see the jaw beneath the beard, and in this ragged state, I am denied that privilege. The best beards tease, and this full-monty is the equivalent of jackrabbiting into me and asking if I finished. Also, is it just me, or do his eyes look sadder now with the beard? Do I just have unresolved bearded men trauma from my adolescence?
How to know if your BF can pull off a beard
Let’s be honest, this is what you really care about. Until now, you’ve been desperately convincing your BF to grow out his facial hair and pretending the scraggly pubes will be worth it in the end. But if it’s gonna turn out like this, all that carpet burn on your chin isn’t worth it. I gotchu, let’s cover the the Beard Rule.
- Does he own more than a 2-in-1 shampoo? The best beards take upkeep. If this man is using a bar of soap to wash his face and nothing else, I am concerned. How can he be expected to use beard oil and balm and whatever else? This is the only time men are expected to go the extra mile. If he is scruffy now, he will only be scruffier. Moisturizer will be more important than ever.
- Does he trim the hedges? Landscaping is between each couple and obviously should be about personal preference. That said, your personal preference should also include your partner’s comfort, not aesthetics but comfort. If going downtown is followed by a vigorous floss, I have doubts whether they’ll trim uptown either. An untrimmed beard is less chic, and more “kids, look away.”
- Do they have their own sense of style? If they wear boat shoes to the office or buy a gilet because other men in finance seem to wear those, they don’t have the gravitas (hot word) to pull off a beard. A large part of beard-ing is finding your personal style. Just like not everyone should be flashing a pic of Sabrina Carpenter’s wig at their hairdresser, not every man can pull off a classic beard. They need to be able to experiment and find their perfect beard.
- What are his features like? A larger, bushier beard or mustache will look good if someone has larger facial features (we’re talking nose, mouth, eyes, or chin). But someone with softer facial features might get lost in all that hair.
Let the internet do its job
Now it’s time to join the internet moles in the darkest depth of chronic onlineness. Obviously, I’m talking about some high-quality memes. I’ve round up the best Jacob Elordi beard memes for your chuckling pleasure.
Sydney is not pleased
JACOB ELORDI GOT A BEARD???????
pic.twitter.com/7bArQXvdqB— carson (@carsonn_13) November 29, 2024
A classic reference to his hit show Euphoria, which he most definitely doesn’t want to be his hit show. Isn’t it sad when actors get super rich and successful off stuff they look down on? Sigh. It’s funnier when you realize Sydney might have to be the one shoving her face into that beard next season.
Jumpscare
every time I see a picture of jacob elordi’s beard pic.twitter.com/fzRfnviht3
— 🌴subaru slut🪩 (@humanmisspiggy) December 1, 2024
Where did that beard come from??? How did he grow it in secret? What does it all mean? Mommy, I need answers, I am scared.
Boy maths in effect
Jacob Elordi went from a 9 to a 3 with a beard pic.twitter.com/HFEK2geqav
— Pop Men Crave (@popmencrave) November 29, 2024
I had always been taught that a beard could turn a 3 into a 6, and now it turns out it can turn a 9 into a 3. No one is safe!!! Is a beard the equivalent of bangs? (nervously fiddles with my fringe).
Make a man outta youuuuuu
the way a beard makes or breaks a man is insane
— hannah (@dazedelta) November 29, 2024
The beard has long been beholden as the path to male enlightenment, as we have all mercilessly chuckled at someone attempting to grow one. We all have that ex who insisted on covering this face in patchy wisps of hair. But today, science proves that a beard may also break a man.
Emergency meeting stat!!!
TL discussing Jacob Elordi’s beard pic.twitter.com/EMuGKbfK7U
— Маделейн . (@normalmadeline) November 29, 2024
What do we do now? Should men stop their beard-growing efforts? Do we demote him from “daddy” to “excuse me, older sir”? SOMEONE TELL ME HOW TO ACT.
We await the decision
the vatican of nick nation has issued a black smoke signal to indicate that it has not reached a decision on whether or not it supports jacob elordi’s beard pic.twitter.com/FSmMh8zy4o
— Nickeeee (@Nick__Nation) December 1, 2024
Many are not actively against the beard, but not actively for it either, so we await further instructions and a general judgment for us to blindly follow. I haven’t had an original thought since 2019.
