It's Leo Season: Weekend Horoscopes July 24-26

Welcome to Leo season, bitches. We seem to be out of the moodiness that was Cancer season, so it’s time to embrace the lion and live our best f*cking lives … that we can … in quarantine … without seeing other people. I mean, on the bright side, sunglasses and masks make it socially acceptable to not wear makeup or do our hair in public, so getting ready to leave the house takes way less time than it used to! Talk about silver linings, amirite?

Let’s dive in.


Examine your finances on Friday night, Leo. The moon in Libra on Saturday and Sunday is pushing for short drives into the mountains, communicating with your fav people, and relaxing. Combine all that sh*t and give yourself a much needed break this weekend. Refuse to check your work email, too. Then have a panic attack on Monday.


Treat yo’self, Virgo. The moon is highlighting material affairs, which means you can focus on important sh*t, like sales on Madewell dresses and end-of-season specials at Anthropologie. Just be careful about overspending, since the stars are showing that doing so could majorly f*ck up your week.


Pay attention to your dreams this weekend, Libra. They could bring to light some important things going on and make clear how to get that sh*t out of your head and into reality. Saturday and Sunday you’ll be feeling sexy af, so take advantage of that fact and make your S.O. do something nice for you.


The planets are highlighting communication and social engagements this weekend, Scorpio, so get ready for some riveting convos either in person or via FaceTime on Saturday. Use Sunday to sleep in, be lazy, and give yourself a f*cking break. Summer in quarantine is exhausting.


Look at your f*cking budget this weekend, Sagittarius. It’ll help to understand what you can and can’t (or shouldn’t) spend come Saturday, since you’ll be dying to see your people. If you do plan to head out, make sure you sit outside, don a mask, and try not to be an asshole to the wait staff at whatever restaurant you grace with your presence. Better idea: Get takeout brunch and sit in a field away from other people.


You’re going to feel f*cking unstoppable this weekend, Capricorn. Lean into it and give your nest a thorough cleaning on Friday night, meal plan for the weekend, and get to bed early. Attack Saturday with morning yoga, a walk outside, checking like, three work emails, then enjoying the weather. Sunday you can take it easy with takeout, sweats, and patting yourself on the back for being so amazing.


Adventure and sex are the highlights for your weekend, Aquarius. Go on a camping trip with your partner so you can appropriately social distance while getting closer to one another. If getting out of town isn’t exactly in your plans, blow up a kiddie pool and drink beer in it with your S.O. Nothing says “I love you” like warm booze and day drinking.


Get closer to your partner on Friday, Pisces. The moon in Virgo will highlight relationships and the need to deepen your commitment, so do something like not picking a fight or trying to pay attention when your beau is telling you about his day. Come Saturday and Sunday, the planets will be pushing intimacy, so it’s a great time to try a new sex position or attempt cuddling without complaining you’re too hot/he’s leaning on your hair/his breathing is annoying.


Even though it’s Friday, the stars are like “work, bitch.” Don’t be afraid to put in a few extra hours even after it’s time to gtfo of the virtual office. It could pay off later. Saturday and Sunday are all about you and your partner (or your hunt for one). Turn up the romance by changing out of your sweatpants and walking around downtown this weekend (while wearing masks, and being a responsible human being) while drinking wine out of water bottles. Then, go home and do something other than missionary.


The moon in Virgo means you’ll be feeling creative on Friday, so tackle that adult coloring book you bought at the beginning of quarantine but never cracked open. Come Saturday and Sunday, the planets will want you to focus on work, which is honestly really rude. Ignore that sh*t and shop online for something you don’t need (or more face masks). You’re just doing your part to help the economy.


It’s all about family and home on Friday, so do something like laundry or calling your mom—maybe both to make yourself feel accomplished. Saturday and Sunday are all about sex, romance, and things that would not go with calling your mom. In fact, the opposite of calling your mom. Don’t even think about your mom. Get into some freaky sh*t with your partner, or take the plunge and order that interesting vibrator you’ve been eyeing.


Learn some sh*t on Friday, Cancer, ’cause the moon wants you to be a better communicator. Then, apply your skills on Saturday and Sunday when the universe wants you to stay home, read books, and spend quality quiet time with a loved one.

Images: Giphy (12)

Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson