Every night, when I’m keeping up with the world news watching The Real Housewives of any given city, I’m inspired to learn something new from the loudest women in America who love to present random life experiences and opinions as if they’re facts — as opposed to something they woke up on a Tuesday and decided to repeat on camera. Lucky for me, as a chronic Housewives fact-checker, this presents an educational co-viewing experience that justifies why I haven’t read a book in five years (I’m kidding, I do read, at least if there’s a pool and sun involved). So naturally, when I tuned into this week’s episode of The Shannon Storms Beador Show (wait, I think the technical title is still The Real Housewives of Orange County), I had to rewind the TV to make sure I correctly heard Alexis Bellino’s big claim that she and her soulmate Johnny J have sex four times a day.
As a 30-something woman in my sexual prime (hypothetically, at least), I had an instant three-word reaction: what the fuck? Four times a day?!? Four, as in the number of good summers Carole Radziwill had left back in 2016? Math is not my strong suit but that sure seems like a lot. Honestly, can any adult human with a job and dishes in the sink successfully have sex multiple times a day, and more importantly should they? I set out on a mission to uncover when is sex too much sex.
The Psychology Behind Exaggerating Your Sex Life
Alexis Bellino, bless her heart, is not the only Bravo star to share an outrageous claim about her sex life. Remember when Larsa Pippen told Andy Cohen and the world she and her husband Scottie Pippen had sex four times a day, every day, for all 19 years of their marriage? Even famously sex-forward rapstress Cardi B had unfiltered reservations about the veracity of that statement. While Larsa is right, no one can tell her what did and didn’t happen in the privacy of the bedroom, it’s true that a lot of Housewives enjoy publicly flaunting their alleged sky-high freak number (usually in a group setting over some cocktails). It’s a constant source of entertainment on franchises like RHOA.
A study by Psychology Today found that when it comes to talking about sex, dishonesty is common. After interviewing and surveying a group of over 300 sexually active people, the researchers found that “most indicated that they were trying to make their partners feel good,” and that “it seems that prosocial motivations may drive much of the dishonesty in the bedroom.” Translation: people exaggerate or even lie about sex to make their sexual partners feel good, or for the benefit of promoting social acceptance and friendship in their own lives. Sounds about right considering a Housewives friend group is the toughest clique to crack.
How Much Sex Is Too Much Sex?
Before the Real Housewives of Orange County started playing tackle football on season 18’s third episode, Shannon caught wind of how much game Alexis claims she and John have in the bedroom. According to Alexis, it’s par for the course for her and John to get busy two times in the morning and again two times at night. This prompts Shannon to ask the question all five of my core emotions were pushing me to ask: “Let’s just be realistic. Can someone 62 really have sex four times a day?”
Healthline reports that most people aren’t having “too much” sex, and the concept of too much sex typically comes from societal shaming. I’d never dare shame a Real Housewife’s sexual appetite (we’ve all seen the damage that can do to marriages, like when all the RHOBH girls decided to gang up on Denise Richards for the alleged crime of having a threesome and not announcing it at dinner). I’m more curious about the body’s hypothetical mental and physical limitations when it comes to repetitive boning.
Healthline’s resident expert Dr. Jill McDevitt lays out data regarding sexual averages: on average, most sexually active people have sex with a partner once a week , or sex with themselves one to two times a week. A different study reported that the number of times a person has sex per year typically goes down as age goes up, and as they get into a relationship where they live with someone longterm. But these averages aren’t prescriptive. There isn’t a hard and fast number of how much is too much, but rather a few empirical factors to consider. How much sex you want to have, how happy you are with the quality of sex that you’re having, and if that sex is interfering with other aspects of your life are items from the simple checklist you can use to think through your sex life.
Essentially the good doctor prescribes doing a gut check: if it feels like it’s too much, it probably is, but be sure to identify why you’re feeling this way so you can get yourself and your partner in tune with your needs. A million non-concerning reasons could explain an above-average sex life, like a high sex drive, desire for stress relief, or simply that getting off puts a smile on your face. But when being intimate becomes a way to avoid other problems going on in your relationship or your life, you may want to ask yourself why. Also, if you’re sore, chafing, strained, racking up UTIs, or forgetting to sleep or eat, it may be time to adjust (and then DM me immediately where the hell you found someone who is putting it down THAT good).
So, regarding our favorite ladies in Orange County and beyond, it would seem like constant vacationing in Pound Town isn’t a problem as long as they’re able to continue a productive life otherwise. Downing martinis in designer clothing feels pretty productive to me. It’s also possible that being in the early stages of a relationship, like Alexis and John who don’t officially live together yet, or Kim and Kroy back in their heyday, could be a factor. Do I find it easier to believe when the Brits (Lisa Vanderpump and Caroline Stanbury) say they’re batting their husbands away with a broom like a rat most nights? Yes, I do. Maybe my POV is colored by the fact that if my senior citizen husband was that horny around the clock, to quote Emily, I’d be hiding in the closet. But science says perhaps that’s just a me problem.
