So you’re conducting an interview, now what? There’s advice all over the internet from a million different sources. Research the person. Talk to people who know them. Peruse their Instagram. Don’t randomly start crying. This is advice for amateurs. What you really need is help from two podcasting game changers: Bethenny Frankel and Howie Mandel. Who else but the folks who dared to interview the guilty parties behind Scandoval and managed to without watching a single episode of Vanderpump Rules? Yes, these seemingly random people, the former host of Deal or No Deal and a now disgraced former Real Housewife, did a fantastic job landing two coveted interviews and yet somehow giving us no new information at all. Siphoned and distilled, here are their best tips and tricks for your next interview.
The best thing you can do to prepare for an interview? Don’t! It could be the most important interview of your life, so what? You can wing it! Speak as if you are a complete authority on the subject. If you sound confident you’ll make a fantastic impression on anyone who will listen. When in doubt, just ask the same dumbass questions over and over and over to seem like you really grasp the concept. There’s zero need to research or have the slightest clue what the fuck you’re talking about.
State the Completely Obvious
Which leads us to our next tip. An easy way to relate to someone? State the completely fucking obvious. Are there donuts in the nearby audio equipment room? Mention their smell! State it like a question to sound super duper smart. Pepper in a, “so let me get this right” or “tell me if I’m wrong but,” to really drive it home.
Example: “So let me get this right… you’re wearing a green shirt, and you chose that from your closet to wear today… is that correct?”
Buy time, stall, and get those sweet, sweet advertising dollars by using this genius technique.
Make It About You
Always remember: This is about you. Common advice would tell you interviewing someone is about them. “Get to know them, make them your friend!” Psht–listen to the real experts. What you should actually do is make it all about you. Any time they bring up something about themselves, think “Now how can I relate this back to me?”
Think about your friend who when you told her you got dumped the first words out of her mouth were, “Well when I got dumped.” Be that friend! Also be sure that when you make whatever sentiment you’re discussing about you that the situations are completely incomparable and have little to nothing to do with each other. Wildly bragging is also completely acceptable in this situation. Talk about your net worth, your previous job titles, your experience with HR departments, what you ate for lunch that day, your thoughts on reincarnation. Whatever the subject, make it about you!
Bring Your Daughter Into It
Not all of us have daughters we can fall back on when all else fails. But if you do, mention her! Honestly, just pretend you have a daughter! This paints you as empathetic. You understand, you “get it.” Because you have a daughter. Better yet, go one step further and just have your daughter in the room with you! That way, when you just totally shut down because you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about (Tip #1) your daughter can just tap in and save you from yourself.
Talk About Mental Health
Guys, mental health is so, so, so important! It must be acknowledged! In fact, just drop the words, “mental health” randomly so whoever you’re interviewing knows you care about it. You must make sure your interviewee is working on their mental health. Make sure they have a support system to help them work on their mental health. Ask if they have a therapist. Ask if their therapist has a therapist. Mention your therapist by name, where they went to school, where their office is, and hand your interviewee their card. Bring in a tape recording of your therapist talking about therapy. Find them a therapy dog. Whatever it takes to show them you totally care about them, and completely understand HIPAA laws.