Your eyebrows can completely change your face if they aren’t done correctly. This is why we spend so much on waxing, threading, and fuck-all else to try to look like sultry beauties and undo the damage of 2002-era sperm brows that will never grow back. Especially if you have chronic RBF (same), get your eyebrows looking good so you don’t look so angry and get rid of that fucking unibrow. Styling your brows is actually based on a formula that anyone could follow. So save your money and do this shit yourself to shape your brows from now on.
To shape your brows, follow these guidelines. Just hold up your eyebrow pencil (or whatever) to see the straight lines. Then, you’re gonna take a bunch of measurements. The first measurement is how far your eyebrows should go in. We used to be so afraid of unibrows (tbh, fair) that we severely overplucked, and our sad eyebrows now start waaay too far apart from each other. For the chic brows we see everywhere now, your eyebrows should start lining up from the outside of your nostril.
If you have a giant schnoz that Daddy wouldn’t pay to fix, please adjust accordingly.
Pluck everything in between these lines. If your eyebrows don’t meet these lines, this is where you need to fill them in. It may seem unnatural at first, but let this part grow out to make your brows look thicker and fierce.
The next measurement is where your brows should arch. If you’re looking straight ahead, it is a line from your outer nostril to the outside of your iris to your brow. This is should be the highest point of your arch. You can make it subtle or dramatic, but this is where it needs to go. After this line, your brow should start sloping down, lest you look evil or perpetually surprised.
The last measurement is where your eyebrows should end. I had disgusting Gwen-Stefani-in-the-90’s brows in high school, so I have to color mine in to get the end bit of it. Ugh.
This is from the outer nostril to the end corner of your eye and up to your brow. Wherever that meets, that is where your brow should end. Unless you’re Chewbacca, you probably don’t need to pluck beyond this point, but if you need to fill it in, we have some options. Now that you know where your eyebrows are supposed to go, if they don’t quite make the cut, you can use either a brow pencil or brow powder. And because I assume you’re utterly helpless if you’re reading this article, I’ve taken the time to select some of the best brow products for you. I know, I’m such a good friend.
The Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Wiz is the best pencil I’ve ever tried. It’s waterproof, highly pigmented, and doesn’t smudge off to make you look like a dirty homeless person halfway through the day. When filling in your brows, use short, quick strokes to mimic hair and then use the little brush on the end to blend out harsh lines. You especially need to blend the inner side of your eyebrows (where they start) to make them look natural.
If you want a more subtle brow, get yourself an eyebrow powder. Do NOT use eyeshadow. Eyeshadow is supposed to blend, meaning the second your nasty forehead oil begins, your eyebrows will straight-up melt.
This brow powder is also waterproof, smudgeproof, and creates a more natural brow if you don’t need a lot of coverage. Just make sure to use a brow brush to smudge out at least the start of the brows. Use a clean mascara wand or something like this:
Lastly, if you want your brows to be dark, thick, and straight-up bulletproof, use a gel pomade like this:
You will die with perfect eyebrows, as this shit never comes off.
Now you have no excuse to walk around with sad little spermy brows. Get out there and get your shit together.
Images: Author (3), Sephora (4)
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