Imagine this: you’re out on a date, trying to keep up the witty banter while silently tallying up the cost of that fancy cocktail in your head. Or, you’re mid-Netflix and chill, and your mind wanders off to the state of your bank account instead of all of the hot sex you’re about to have. If that’s relatable af, you’re not alone. In fact, according to a survey conducted by the sex-positive dating app Pure, one in five of us have been there, lost in a sea of money worries while trying to get down and dirty. And nothing quite kills the mood than thinking about your finances.
Dating is anything but cheap (do you know how much a steak costs these days?), and when you’re barely scraping by, it’s hard not to let those dollar signs kill the romance. But it’s not just the distraction that’s messing with our mojo. No, according to the survey, a whopping 52% of folks earning less than $30,000 a year are feeling the financial heat in the bedroom. And lower earners? They’re taking the biggest hit, with nearly half saying their financial status is putting a major damper on their sex lives.
So, where does that leave us? Money is a huge part of anyone’s life whether or not you’re doing financially well. Is it possible to find financial intimacy without killing the mood? Can we talk dollars and still keep the sparks flying? According to Adam Kol, also known as “the couple’s financial coach,” the answer is a resounding “yes.”
What Is Financial Intimacy?
But before you can figure out how to achieve financial intimacy, you should probably figure out what the hell it is. “Financial intimacy means being able to connect about financial issues within your relationship in a way that brings you closer together and your money into more alignment with what matters to you,” Kol, who is a certified financial therapist, certified mediator, and tax attorney, tells Betches.
Financial intimacy isn’t just about balancing the books; it’s about opening up, sharing your money fears and fantasies, and building a future together that’s grounded in trust and transparency. It’s about recognizing that money talks don’t have to be a mood killer; they can actually bring you closer together.
Sure, it might not always be easy. But with a little honesty, a lot of communication, you can turn those awkward money conversations into a chance to deepen your connection and get your finances in sync.
How To Talk About Money With A Partner
One of the best ways to lean into financial intimacy is to listen, share, and ask questions, Kol shares. He says to avoid assumptions or snap judgments. That way, you can eventually create a shared financial vision. Not sexy? Well, capitalism sucks, what can I say?
“I recommend starting by sharing your financial upbringing and how it affects you today,” Kol says. “Move towards sharing about your financial hopes and concerns, goals, and timelines.”
For those who may be struggling financially, take a deep breath. I get it — It’s hard to focus on love, dating, or sex when your bank account is in the negative. But remember that there are people out there who want you for you and not just your pockets. Plus, there is no set amount for how much money you should have before you’re “worthy” of love (or even a good lay).
Also, dates don’t have to be expensive! Keeping it calm with coffee dates, ice cream dates, or other cheap alternatives can still be really romantic. And if you’ve seen how much popcorn costs these days, I’d just steer clear of movie dates.
Talking about money is always going to be a little awkward but it doesn’t have to be that way forever. So next time, maybe suggest a budgeting session for your pillow talk.
