There’s a dating hack making the rounds on socials, and it isn’t exactly new. It’s being called “The Heather Graham Method,” and if you’re a loyal listener of the U Up? podcast, you may have heard of it. This dating urban legend promises if you write down what you want in a partner (like the Austin Powers star allegedly did) and release it into the universe, soon you will meet your perfect match.
Jordana Abraham-Marinelli, the co-founder of Betches and co-host of the U Up? podcast, swears by this ritual (it’s how she met her husband of three years). As I write this, content creators like Ciara Salloum are swiping through dating apps with a newfound intention after manifesting her “dream person.” The top comments on these viral videos seem to agree that this method works. Others are calling it the “Practical Magic Method,” but wait, didn’t Sandra Bullock’s dream guy also try to arrest her for murdering Nicole Kidman’s abusive boyfriend before she realized he was her happy ending?! I have so many questions. But let’s start with, what is the Heather Graham Method?
What is the Heather Graham Method?
@ciarasalloum Even if I do end up burning down my place in the process, a meet cute with a firefighter could also be a solid silver lining @Heather Graham @Jordana Abraham @Jared Freid @Listen to Betches #single #singlelife #dating #datingtips #datingadvice #manifestation #manifestingmethods ♬ original sound – Ciara
It all started in August of 2016. Finance bros suddenly liked musical theater thanks to Hamilton, chokers completed every outfit, and you couldn’t escape the song “Closer” by The Chainsmokers featuring Halsey (sorry, that’s back in your head now). Oh, and a Vogue article titled “I Have It All Except A Boyfriend” was making the rounds on Facebook newsfeeds. The headline alone spoke deeply to single millennials on the cusp of their late twenties as their biological clock ticked louder and louder each time a guy on a dating app ghosted them (a word that just entered our lexicon).
A 26-year-old reader wrote in under the pseudonym “Looking for a Partner,” asked advice columnist Molly Rosen Guy what she’s doing wrong. In her response, Rosen Guy reveals she met Heather Graham at a yoga retreat, who told her she met her boyfriend by writing “down everything I wanted in a guy on a piece of paper, then ripped it up, let it blow away in the breeze,” so Rosen Guy with “nothing to lose” tried this by scribbling a list of traits she wanted in a partner on a piece of loose-leaf and threw it in the ocean.
Six weeks later, Rosen Guy met the man she was married to when she wrote this article. As Rosen Guy advised Looking For A Partner in her piece, “There’s nothing you can do now except exactly what you’re doing. Just do it deeper, harder, better. Then, write it all down, tear it all to pieces, and release it to the wind. You never know when or how it’s going to come back to you.”
In 2016, this article felt like a “fate-driven headline” that “really spoke” to then 26-year-old Jordana who was struggling with dating at the time and stuck in the “same old patterns meeting the same old people” decided to try this method with her friends as a “funny activity,” so they had a list-making, and burning party. A few months later, she started dating a guy, but it only lasted for about three months. By Valentine’s Day, she had made a new, more focused list with her roommate in her New York City apartment. They burned their list out their window, and thanks to a nosey neighbor, about six fire trucks showed up! Sadly no, none of the firefighters are her now partner, but by that June, she would meet her future husband. Today, all of the friends Jordana did this ritual with are married — which she admits could also be a coincidence since it’s been eight years.
What does Heather Graham think about The Heather Graham Method?
In a totally full-circle moment, Jordana recently had Heather Graham on her podcast. Clips from this episode are now making the rounds on socials, giving this method a second life. When Jordana told Graham she met her husband because of the actress’s advice, Graham revealed while she’s not with that boyfriend anymore, she still stands by this method which she thinks is “a great thing to do after you go through a breakup” (next to going on a yoga retreat in Tulum, I guess). Graham is in a new relationship now, which she believes she also manifested.
How do you manifest a partner?
“Be clear on what you want and then turn it over to the universe,” Graham shared on the U Up? podcast, adding that she does not condone polluting the ocean with your list like the original advice column suggested. Also, instead of saying what you want in a partner, write your list like you’re already in your dream relationship, “So instead of like, I want a guy who’s really loving, you go like, I have the most loving relationship,” Graham explained.
When Jordana made her first list, it was a “total pie in the sky wishlist” with “a lot more superficial stuff,” while her second list was more grounded with asks like he’s kind to her friends and family, and is intellectual and supportive. Her bigger asks were that he has blue eyes and doesn’t run marathons. The latter her husband kind of does (it was a half marathon, and they “worked through it”).
“I think a lot of it is saying what you want out loud,” Jordana says. “I think there’s vulnerability to it. I think in order to find a partner or be a good partner (which is something people don’t really think about) you have to have a level of putting yourself out there [and being] open to failure.”
@jordynwoodruff♬ original sound – Jordyn Woodruff
Content creator Jordyn Woodruff believes she manifested her boyfriend of over a year with this method after seeing it on her FYP.
“I wrote down everything about him — his personality, characteristics, job, where he lived, and even how he made me feel,” Jordyn says. “It was almost like I was designing a person! You really need to believe, deep in your soul, that this person exists and that you will meet them.” Adding that if you told her when she was younger that she would not only do this ritual, but it would work, she would’ve laughed because “back then I didn’t understand my worth. Once I grasped that, this method made so much more sense to me.”
Fellow content creator Ciara did her ritual “Jordana style” by *safely* burning it over her sink after taking a picture of her list and storing it in her hidden photos so she can refer back to it. She kept her list grounded, focusing on the day-to-day with only one physical quality, “That ideally they’d be taller than me with heels on. But I’m 5’4″, so that’s not a lot to ask.”
Do you tell your partner you manifested them?
Jordana’s now-husband found out she did this through her podcast recently. He thought it was funny, but Jordana suggested waiting “a little bit to let them know that you used black magic to conjure them and they might be here against their will.”
TikToker Jordyn just told her boyfriend about her list, who thought “it was adorable.”
Ciara plans to tell her dream person after she meets them, and the time is right because someone who “really gets” her is not going to be freaked out that she made a list and will probably be flattered. (Fingers crossed!) While Ciara has not manifested a partner (yet, it’s only been a few weeks, calm down) she has manifested other things in life. Like TAYLOR SWIFT TICKETS. Yep, Ciara told herself she was going to get a face-value ticket to a sold-out Taylor Swift event in her hometown, and she got them.
So, make that list for whatever you want in life, be it a dream partner, dream job, or even Taylor Swift tickets. Just don’t throw it in the ocean or set your apartment on fire when releasing it into the universe. And maybe don’t ask for him to be a backward pony-riding, flapjack in the air-flipping, star-shape-loving, one-green-one blue-eyed guy, because he might try to arrest you first — just ask Sandra Bullock.
