Harry Styles is in his bald era, and not trying to be dramatic, by my life is ruined. Photo evidence has finally emerged that proves our worst fears: He shaved his iconic hair. Like … all of it. Didn’t even leave a goddamn strand. Now he has a buzz cut, as in the same haircut that all of the camo-wearing JROTC kids had in 10th grade.
WHY THE FUCK DID HARRY STYLES SHAVE HIS HEAD?
Harry broke the internet (and our hearts) when TMZ posted a video with his arm around girlfriend Taylor Russell, who does not have a buzz cut, while they danced at a U2 concert in Las Vegas. While the cute PDA means I probably won’t be dating Harry anytime soon (my husband and baby will be so relieved!), their cute little relationship moment was COMPLETELY overshadowed by the fact that we can see his literal scalp. 15-year-old me is crying over those brown curls sitting on a barber shop floor somewhere.
Harry will always be hot, but I’m sorry, the vibes are off. It’s giving “guy you like shaves his beard and suddenly you’re too busy to see him on Saturday.” It’s giving “his dating profile says he’s 6’2″ but you show up to the date and he’s in a booster seat.” It’s giving “going to the most exclusive workout class in Los Angeles and Gwyneth Paltrow isn’t even there.” In the words of one eloquent Twitter user, “How TF are you gonna be named Harry Styles with no hair to style?”
Now, before we completely panic, it’s just hair, right? RIGHT?! It will grow back just like my over-tweezed eyebrows did in 2011. The last time we saw Harry this hairless was when he had a closely cropped cut while filming Dunkirk in 2016. The biggest question we should be asking ourselves is why did he commit this sacrilegious act?
One of the more obvious answers is: He wanted to. After coming off of a two-year world tour, Harry didn’t want to be so … hairy. Maybe he wanted a change and to feel the sun on his bare head???
Theory two: He could be getting into character for a new movie role, but if that’s the case, the director should be fired immediately. Seriously, WHO MADE THIS CALL? SHOW YOURSELF.
A less probable theory (but way more juicy) is that Harry cut his hair in response to Taylor Swift’s 1989 bonus track “Now That We Don’t Talk,” which fans are convinced is about her ex. When she disapprovingly sang, “You grew your hair long,” Harry really was like “say less!!” and grabbed the clippers.
One sector of the internet has been convinced for literal years that Harry has been bald this whole time and has been wearing wigs and toupées. The rumor got so out of control that he denied it to Rolling Stone in 2022, but isn’t that exactly what a secretly bald person *would* say? If this is true, good luck, Harry, and may you handle your descent into baldness more gracefully than John Travolta.
Harry’s beloved mop is gone, and we are counting down the days until its triumphant return.