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Everyone Knows I’m The Posh Spice Of The Group & Other Woes Of Planning A Group Costume

Ashley: So……………………what’s our group costume going to be for this retro party?

Britney: Group? I was going to go super retro as my namesake 👑 Britney Spears 👑 

Ashley: we could do retro pop singers

Emily: Do you know any others besides Britney Spears?

Jessica: Christina Aguilera was a judge on The Voice

Jessica: That’s all I know

Denise: Do the 90s count as retro?

Jessica: yeah, millennials are old/cringey af

Britney: So then why are we emulating them again?

Ashley: It’s the theme.

Britney: true

Emily: what was it even like back then? Wasn’t everyone homophobic? ugh

Ashley: I watched VH1 I Love the ’90s

Ashley: so I’m like an expert

Denise: 🙄

Denise: Ok, Ashley. 

Ashley: And I’ve seen a few episodes of The Office

Emily: wtf?

Jessica: WHY?

Jessica: cringe 4 cringe? CHEUGY

Ashley: 😫

Emily: Oh duh. Just googled: Spice Girls. 5 of them

Jessica: That does work!

Britney: do we have an inspiration pic??

Ashley:

Jessica: Is that silly string?

Denise: I choose to believe it is

Ashley: and it’s so easy for us to pick since it’s so obvious who we all are

Emily: Is it?

Ashley: Yeah, just look at Denise. 

Britney: 👀

Emily: 👀

Ashley: Ginger is ginger.

Denise: 🙄

Jessica: Ok, following that logic I’m automatically Scary 🙄

Ashley: good!

Britney: Uh……casual racism aside…….who am I?

Jessica: How existential.

Britney: 🤪

Denise: Baby (blonde)

Emily: baby

Jessica: Yeah, Baby

Ashley: and I’ll be Posh, obviously

Britney: 👀

Jessica: 👀

Denise: 👀

Emily: “obviously” 🙃

Ashley: they’re both basically Sporty now anyway since Posh is married to that soccer guy

Emily: David Beckham

Ashley: See!!! you are sporty ⚽️ 🏈 ⚾️ 🥎 🎾 🏐 🏉 🎱

Emily: Fine, whatever. It’s just for a stupid party I’m going to blackout for anyway, joke’s on you bitches bc I’ll be the most comfortable

Emily: I will NOT be switching shoes with anyone, so don’t ask 

Denise: shit wait

Emily: too late 🤪

Denise: fine … we should prob incorporate masks right?

Britney: 😷

Ashley: I don’t think Posh would do that

Jessica: good thing we’re just dressing up and you aren’t really Posh Spice jfc 

Britney: 🙃

Ashley: ok, send pics of your costume when you have it

Denise: I……actually think we just need to get dressed and crimp our hair and we’re good

Britney: yep

Jessica: Yep.

Emily: Yep.

Ashley: whatever, I’ll see you in 3 weeks

Britney: right, cheerio!! 🧐💂‍♀️

Denise: NO FAKE ACCENTS

Britney: 🥺😔

Ashley: I’m doin one

Denise: oh god

Image: Mosuno / Stocksy.com

Brooke Knisley
Brooke Knisley
Brooke Knisley is a disabled writer who has written comedy for the New Yorker, McSweeney's, Playboy, Rewire News Group, Weekly Humorist, and others. She has balance issues. For more jokes, follow her on Instagram and Twitter.