Clean Your F*cking Room: Weekend Horoscopes February 21-23

Valentine’s Day is over, winter is on its way out, and spring is on the horizon. It’s almost time for us all to collectively freak out about our summer bodies, frequent the gym for a few weeks, then give up and accept ourselves for the way we are, while shrieking “any body in a bikini is a bikini body!” Ah, the circle of life. All that sh*t aside, the stars and planets are pushing all of us to bask in our self-confidence and share the happy vibes, so hopefully your weekend will be full of mimosas and sexy times instead of stained sweats and leftover takeout. Read on to see what the stars have in store for you.


Alone time is the name of the game this weekend, Pisces. Turn inward and do some meditation or jot down your feelings in a journal as soon as you get off work Friday and all day Saturday. By Sunday, the new moon will have you feeling fresh af and you’ll be ready to join the waking world once more. Meet up with friends for an afternoon alcoholic bev to take the edge off the Sunday scaries.


Head out to dinner with your besties on Friday night, Aries. After this week, a little bit of time to unwind over deep fried sticks of cheese is exactly what you need. Sh*t, if you’re really feeling it, have an adults-only sleepover with your besties into Saturday. Wake up, drink all the mimosas, and just relax with the betches that get you. Sunday will bring a need for you time, so get all the fun out before then.


You got your mind on your money this weekend, Taurus. Or, rather, on your career and its ability to support your lifestyle. Do some tough thinking this weekend about your job and whether it’s the right choice for you in the long run. Come Sunday, you’ll be craving one-on-one time with someone who really gets you, be it a best friend or your SO, so be sure and make time for something other than delivery and Netflix.


Time to try something new, Gemini. Use this weekend to get out and explore your own backyard (not like, literally) and visit some restaurants, galleries, hiking trails—whatever—within 30 minutes of your abode. It’ll do you good to familiarize yourself with what’s directly around you instead of venturing far out for everything all the time. Sunday, you’ll want to stick close to home and get a head start on work emails before Monday. It’s going to be a sh*tty week, LOL.


Time to buckle up and get ready for tax season, Cancer. It’s a great weekend to review the trust fund you wish you had, your v sad checking account, and the credit card debt you racked up when you were abroad. Spend Saturday covered in your W2s and receipts so that Sunday can be a time of alcohol and magic!


It’s all about partnership this weekend, Leo. The stars and planets want you to forge (or strengthen) genuine connections between you and your SO or you and a new mate on Friday and Saturday night, so plan to get out and have actual conversations with other human beings. It isn’t all for nothing, either, since Sunday you’ll be feeling sassy and ready to sleep in with your partner—trying out weird sex positions. Good for you, sweetie.


It’s all about what makes you happy this weekend, Virgo. Spend Friday night and Saturday making pro and con lists about the things in life that you love versus what you want to see change. If your SO isn’t on the con side, spend Sunday letting them know how much you love and appreciate them, what they do that makes you happy, and how when they leave you the last piece of pizza it makes you love them a little more.


Get creative with how you spend your weekend, Libra. Instead of the usual brunch and binge-watching, try to get out and do something different. Whether it’s a picnic in the freezing February weather, embarrassing yourself on a hike, or making time to visit your in-laws without having a panic attack, you need to go outside your comfort zone. Sunday will be all about self-care and you time, so you have that to look forward to.


Clean your f*cking house, Scorpio. Spending time dusting and vacuuming may seem like a horrible way to spend a Saturday, but you can do it while soaking up time with your SO or immediate family, too. Plus, you’ll feel more able to indulge in some creative pursuits come Sunday if there aren’t clothes, laundry, and dirty dishes everywhere.


It’s a great weekend to take that pottery class you’ve been too nervous to get involved with, Sagittarius. The stars are aligning to highlight the most creative-leaning parts of you, so getting involved in something artsy fartsy will bode well this Saturday. By Sunday, you’ll be itching to take care of some home clean up, so don’t feel weird about canceling plans so you can reorganize your bathroom drawers.


You’ll be hyper-focused on stuff this weekend, Capricorn, meaning your material possessions, of which, yeah, you have a lot. Spend Saturday de-cluttering and organizing into piles of consign, donate, and omg-please-trash. Getting rid of those jeans that haven’t fit you for roughly six years is hard but necessary. By Sunday, you’ll feel emotionally lighter and should reward yourself with some boozy cocktails.


Spread the love this weekend, Aquarius, and by that we mean share your good vibes—don’t like, go home with a diff stranger every night. Or do, we’re not judging. Reach out to that friend that always feels a little down on her luck and is kind of a drag. Your attitude will make her feel lighter and happier. Sunday you can save all the good vibes for yourself, though, and indulge in some Taco Bell and Bachelor reruns.

Images: Giphy (12)

Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson