Blame All Your Problems On Scorpio: Weekly Horoscopes For October 8-12

We all know our Scorpio friend is the shadiest in the friend group. All signs will solemnly swear they’re up to no good with Mercury, Venus, and Jupiter in Scorpio this week. Prepare to leave your friends on read and ghost like Halloween is tomorrow and not weeks away. If your hair seems frizzy, don’t blame the humidity, it’s just full of secrets. Here are your weekly horoscopes for October 8-12.


The energy from Scorpio this week pumps up your sex drive. Remember that we’re weeks out from Halloween when you pick your costume this week. You might want to reconsider the lingerie and animal ears, because even though you feel like a sex kitten right now, two weeks from now you might be giving off more cat lady vibes.


Scorpio grabs hold of planets directly opposite your sign this week. Venus opposite your sign sounds like a bad thing, but it totally isn’t. Venus 180 degrees from Taurus smooths all your relationships, even with your enemies. Maybe it’s time to buy that person you hate a round at the bar and talk things over. At the very least, you probably can find common ground in equally hating someone else even more. The enemy of my enemies is my friend, right?


The New Moon is in Libra for the next two weeks. For you that means a new cycle of romance and creativity. With all the sh*t going on in secretive Scorpio, you’ll want to keep any new interests or projects under wraps until you feel it’s time to go public. After all, your friends don’t need to know every single thing going on in your life, do they?


You’re, like, really lucky this week. The party of planets happening in Scorpio promotes your own kind of party as well. You’ll have parties, vacations, and romance to attend to. The hardest part of all of this, actually, is that you might have a hard time penciling it all in. Prioritize based on what sounds like the most fun and send the others your regrets and apologies.


The New Moon in Libra for the next two weeks revs up your brainpower. It’s like you’ve found the perfect combination of caffeine and Adderall. But instead of thanking your dealer, you can thank the planets for your newfound clarity and insight. It’s a great time for you to take test, give presentations, and collect accolades for being so goddamned amazing.


This might sound totally lame, but hear me out. The planets collecting in Scorpio right now make you better at the dumb sh*t you have to do every day. That might not seem like a big deal, but when you look back on this week, you’ll be thankful you actually got your ass to things on time, didn’t spill anything on your outfit, and cooked something that didn’t belong in the trash,


The Sun is still in your sign, shining on you and bringing good things your way. The New Moon is also in your sign for the next two weeks, pushing you to embark on a new journey. This means you don’t have to be so suspicious of new romantic interests in your life. As long as you don’t start dating a DJ or a magician, things will probably go pretty smoothly with this one.


You shady betch. With Mercury, Jupiter, and Venus in your sign, you have all the power over what happens to you this week. And since you’re a Scorpio, you don’t have to share your secrets with anyone. Be on guard for the evil eyes of jealousy, though. Other signs will crave what you have without the resources to get it.


The activity in Scorpio takes place in a secret part of your chart. Since Scorpio is already the shadiest of the signs, it’s like secret inception happening with you. You might not even know what you’re hiding from yourself this week! Just, like, let your bestie track your iPhone or something if you plan on getting into something you don’t want people knowing about. Better to have her catch on than wind up as the subject of a Law & Order episode, right?


Your reputation could not be better right now, so don’t f*ck it up. The Sun continues shining a flattering light on you, so as long as you keep doing what you’ve been doing, you should be okay. A few rules to live by: never be the last person to arrive at work, don’t RSVP and then not show up, and don’t be the drunkest girl at the party (second drunkest is ok).


The happy gathering of planets in Scorpio sit at the top of your chart this week. The heightened role Mercury plays in your life this week will be important to your career. It encourages you to make some plans, set goals or some sh*t. With the luck of the other planets smiling down on you, whatever you put in motion this week will be #blessed.


The New Moon in Libra brings to light something you’ve been keeping from yourself. So if you have some strange feelings bubble up, that’s totally why. Likewise, the planets in Scorpio encourage you to keep those things on the DL. It might be wise to fight those emotions and share how you feel with someone you trust. It’s better to get it out in the open than ugly cry alone at night while you eat those feelings. K?

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