There are few actresses that I trust as much as Anne Hathaway. Not only will I watch any film she’s in, even against my better judgement (see The Witches below), but I genuinely trust that woman. I’d let her babysit my kids without ever meeting in person. I’d let her choose a tattoo for me on one of those surprise reveal shows. I’d send her $1,000 if she popped up in my Instagram DMs with Princess Diana — “hello luv.” Anne is just a girl’s girl (learn from her, Sarah Ann).
So I will watch every film she stars in, no matter the premise. She’s a 40-year-old woman dating her daughter’s celebrity crush? Sure. She’s a single mother who turned to prostitution and sings on the streets of Paris? Oui. She’s the heir to the throne of Genovia and in dire need of a Dyson air wrap? Long live the queen!
That’s not to say she doesn’t have flops among her slays, as Anne is only human and enjoys a paycheck as much as the rest of us. But I will watch every Anne Hathaway film despite my better judgement and the never-ending list of things I should be doing, and I will rank them all for you now.
Grand High Witch: The Witches
I debated even including this role on the list, but my trauma needs to be acknowledged. I thought the book was scary enough, but seeing it play out on-screen felt like the time I took magic truffles and had a life-altering bad trip. She gets points for that cunty blonde wig, but loses them for the accent, special effects, low-key mocking disabilities, and so much more. But our girlie apologized for the role, and we forgive her. Moving on.
15. The White Queen: Alice in Wonderland
I remember being so excited to go watch this in the cinema as a teenager, and it just goes to show how shit life in your teens is if this is a highlight. The costumes and set really slayed, but Anne’s character was the most boring part of it all. She didn’t have much to work with, so I don’t blame her too much, but girlie gave us bland. Also, the makeup department did her dirty, girlie is not a winter and deserved a different palette.
14. Liz: Valentine’s Day
This might just be the thing that gets me cancelled (finally), but I don’t hate Valentine’s Day! It’s definitely not at the same level as He’s Just Not That Into You or the OG Love Actually, but she’s fun!! She’s having fun!! That said, the character of Liz is not one of the few highlights of this trainwreck. Taylor Swift’s character was better, and that is genuinely saying something. As soon as we meet Liz after her one-night stand, she says she hopes she didn’t hurt him because she’s a gymnast (weird flex but okay), and then she is revealed to be a phone sex operator. Sign me up, as writing does not pay enough.
13. Emma: One Day
While it did not compare to the recent Netflix adaptation, there is something to be said for the movie as well. The accents feel ridiculous, I’m certain I’ve heard Anne do a better British twang than this mess. Before the recent heartbreaking actually British version, I would have scored this higher, but times are changing for ol’ Annie. I will say that she always plays love well. I also don’t believe her as the nerdy, less attractive girl, sorry!
12. Brand: Interstellar
I feel like you need a physics degree to understand this film! I’m not a Woman in STEM, I’m just a Stanley cup-sipping girlie, and I’m so confused every time I watch this film. Like, explain the bookcase??? But I recognize it is a good film just not an understandable film. Anne gave some big dick energy in this role, and I love her monologue energy, it’s giving Shakespeare in space.
11. Solène: The Idea of You
You didn’t think I’d skip her most recent film, did you? I’d never miss the opportunity to discuss a Harry Styles-inspired fanfic. Anne looks so hot as a 40-year-old mom dating the star of a boy band. In a film that could be so ridiculous, she manages to toe the line between absurd and exciting. However, if the age gap were reversed, we’d have very different opinions, and she’s a bit too perfect as this hip, artsy mom. Plus, if I was her daughter and she started dating the equivalent of Harry Styles, I’d be fucking pissed at her. He is mine!!! Go away, mom!!!
10. Fantine: Les Misérables
SHE DREAMED A DREAM OF TIME GONE BY!!! I am a musical girlie to my core and can recite the entirety of Hamilton drunk (not sober, though). So it’s no surprise that I 1) hated this film adaptation and 2) adored Anne in it. She was the star of a sinking ship, and girlie put everything into her song. I bawled my eyes out and I just want to give her a very big hug after she’s showered. Also, Anne Hathaway can sing!!! Girlie, leave something for the rest of us.
9. Jules: The Intern
It’s a Nancy Meyers film starring Anne Hathaway! She’s no longer the Andy Sachs, but she’s the Miranda Priestly now, it’s all so delicious. I love a girlboss story, and this film is just so fun and lighthearted. Robert de Niro and Anne Hathaway have this electricity together on screen, and I love that it didn’t fall too far into any cliches. Bravo!
8. Maggie: Love And Other Drugs
Just a trigger warning for all my Swifties: Jake Gyllenhaal stars opposite her in this film. The red scarf can’t be seen anywhere. My biggest qualm with this movie is that it’s described as a romantic comedy. Like she has Parkinson’s and feels she will be a burden to him, and I’m meant to be chuckling? Also the ethical issues and medicine pushing of this film are such a big theme. Anne does an excellent job as Maggie, and I am still crying to this day.
7. Emma: Bride Wars
Speaking of rom-coms! While Bride Wars isn’t one of the Holy Grail romcoms (e.g. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days or Bridget Jones), I imagine it to be just one tier lower. How could you not enjoy a film with Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson? It’s absolutely savage, and I’m here for the female rage. The blue hair was especially rough, as someone whose hairdresser has made her swear never to go down that route.
6. Selina: The Dark Knight Rises
Oooh, Annie is getting serious! These films might be the only Christopher Nolan films I can actually understand — don’t worry, I still enjoyed Oppenheimer! Every girl who has ever dressed up as Catwoman aspires to achieve what Anne did in this film, or to at least get a hot photo for Instagram. She is the true femme fatale, and girlie worked her ass off in the gym to get here. She’s fun, flirty and catty, and I’m here for it all.
5. Lureen: Brokeback Mountain
If we were just ranking films, this one would be at the top, no questions asked. But we’re discussing our girl Anne in films, and specifically her roles. Within an incredible film, her role just isn’t as memorable as the others. I’m here for Jack and Ennis, not Lureen. That said, she gives a very deliciously cold performance as a widow. She definitely knows more than she is letting on. Those little noises on the phone are just something else!!!
4. Daphne: Ocean’s Eight
I’m such a heist girlie, and I just love the gaslight girlboss gatekeep energy of this film. The original films are fab, don’t get me wrong, but a betchified version is fun too! Anne is so meta as famous actress Daphne, who is smart enough to know something is going on but dumb enough the rest of the time.
3. Ella: Ella Enchanted
The world continues to sleep on this incredible movie, and I simply won’t stand for it! Anne is Ella Enchanted, and thanks to her fairy godmother, she has to be obedient to everyone. She lives in a magical kingdom and wants to break her curse. She sings “Somebody to Love” to a room full of giants. She falls in love with a prince but is cursed to try and kill him! High stakes, high rewards, and medieval wench outfits. If you’re a fantasy girlie, you need to watch this right fucking now.
2. Mia: The Princess Diaries
Welcome to Genovia and one of Anne’s best films. She is Mia Thermopolis, the Princess and soon–to–be Queen of Genovia — shut up! It has all the best things in life: a secret identity, a makeover montage, ballgowns, Julie Andrews, and royal tea. Also, shoutout to Mandy Moore in this film who absolutely ate up that performance. But the reason it doesn’t get first place is M&Ms on pizza and the fact that we’re supposed to ship her with Michael. Nah, girlie, I’ll wait for Chris Pine in the sequel.
1. Andy: The Devil Wears Prada
Of course this is number one!!! Did you have any doubts? Emily Blunt, Meryl Streep, and Anne Hathaway in one room and you expect me not to choose this film over everything else in life? This film is more important to me than my own family! Seriously, gun to my head… Again, it’s got a makeover scene, and let’s me pretend journalism is a way fancier job than it is. But I’m nothing if not fair, so I will say that Andy’s boyfriend is a flaming pile of trash and a bad chef, and that she shouldn’t have left this job under any circumstances. Your loss and Emily’s gain, girlie.
