Lisa
Vanderbetch

It’s officially wedding season, and personally, I’m kinda iffy on whether that’s a good thing or not.

Working fucking sucks.

If you’ve ever read any of our shit you know we fucking live for Bravo and its roster of betches.

Raise your hand if you’ve been personally victimized by basic betches and their obsession with fantasy creatures, especially fucking mermaids and unicorns. **Insert me and every normal person raising their goddamn hands** I mean, seriously what are you?

From Sex and the City to Girls to Game of Thrones, I honestly didn’t think HBO could get any better, especially when it comes to girl power television.

Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.

I’m just going to go ahead and assume you all watch Vanderpump Rules.

Every so often something so extra comes along that it’s almost hard to even believe such extraness can even exist.

With summer right around the corner, it’s officially time to get your shit in gear and shed those extra winter pounds that hide perfectly under a sweater but make you look like a beluga in a bikini.

It’s no secret that I love television.

There has been an increased desire to move abroad lately.

I'm not even going to go into all the ways this year has sucked because you already fucking know.

If you know anyone who’s gotten married (so like, everyone reading this rn) you’ve probably bought some stupid shit the couple registered for as a gift.

Thanks to skinny model betches like Gigi and Kendall taking over our fucking lives, people will practically do anything to make themselves more attractive.

Besides this season being the fucking worst, The Bachelor(ette) is the tits.

Maybe I’m just more of a functioning alcoholic than I used to be, but it seems like boozy versions of kid-friendly treats have fucking exploded in the past few years.

Bravo is pretty much a channel dedicated to being a betch.

About this time every year the entire country (or maybe the whole world, IDK) freaks the fuck out over Girl Scout cookies.

Earlier this year, Italy tried to scare the shit out of us and say that they were probs going to run out of prosecco soon because we’re all drinking so much of it and they can’t keep up.

Whether you love it or hate it, Valentine’s Day is right around the corner.

Over the past couple weeks, President Cheeto and his loyal band of cronies have really thrown this whole country, fuck—the whole world, for a loop.

Every once in a while, a movie comes along that’s so betchy it quickly transforms from a standard flick into a visual betch bible.

A while back we told you about this blue wine from Spain, and how it’s pretty much just a mix of red and white grapes with organic food coloring that turns the wine—you guessed it—blue.

Everyone on the entire planet knows New York is betchy af as far as states go.

If you’ve ever paid attention to anything we’ve ever written, you know we fucking live for The Bachelor/Bachelorette, and this season is no different.

If you watched The Bachelorette and/or your bf makes you pretend to like football, you know who Aaron Rodgers is.

For the most part, technology is a good thing.

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: Vanderpump Rules is one of the greatest shows of our time.

There’s not much on the whole fucking planet that goes better together than wine and cheese.