Not going to lie to you all, I sort of forgot everything that happened last week on AYTO: Second Chances. But I’m sure the exact same shit is going to play out in an identical manner this episode, so here we go!
I’d just like to say, am I the only one who thinks this house looks like a Sims house? It legit doesn’t look real. Anywho.
BACK AT THE HOUSE
Everyone’s pouring one out for the homies, Asaf and Kaylen.
Devin’s like “Tori got in Morgan’s head and mind fucked him and that’s why he gave up $75K”
That’s literally the point of the game, you sexist fuck.
Devin: If you win the final you’re gonna share like a pussy and end up with less money than you could have had tonight.
Rashida calls Tori a professional finesser. Why, because she voted against you one time?
Cam telling Mikala she’s been killing it like “I’m so I’m so I’m so proud of you.” WHY the fuck did they break up? Somebody has to tell me. Because they are a cuter couple than my own parents rn. Sorry mom and dad.
Ugh I forgot that Alicia is still happening. And by still happening I mean on this show/alive.
Alicia: It just goes to show you if you really put in the time and work with someone you can get to the level of cuddling in a bed.
And yet she is STILL like “you know you gotta romance me, right?” Bitch you JUST SAID…. Neverfuckingmind. I give up.
THE MISSION
So today they’re shooting a video that showcases their relationship. The fuck kinda Campus Moviefest bullshit is this?
They’re gonna show the movies to a bunch of locals and I really hope it’s the same sourpusses as the ones who got the gifts. RIP Asaf and Kaylen, they would have made the funniest movie.
Tori: If we could buy cotton candy or ice cream at this place I think that would be great for our movie and also my stomach.
Shandy is describing a porno. “I’m getting all greasy working on a car and you’re just standing there watching me work.” Uh, yay feminism?
I legit can’t believe a fucking auto shop is the best location MTV could secure. Maybe if you don’t spend all your production budget on a cartoon house next time…
Adam and Shannon are fighting and Adam’s just like “calm down” which is the worst thing to say to a woman who’s pissed off.
Mikala somehow manages to throw a temper tantrum and act all negative in the middle of the aquarium. Like, how? Nemo didn’t get lost for you to act all grumpy.
Devin and Rashida are on a boat and their movie involves songs. Oh here we go. BRB gonna go kill myself listening to this Disney shit. Rashida actually has a good voice while Devin sounds like the one Chainsmoker who thinks he can sing.
Tori: I pretty much force Mordan to go with my idea.
The marker of a good relationship.
UGH Alicia is from New Jersey?? Yeah that explains why she sucks so much. We figured it out, guys! Everybody can go home now.
Shanley is like “I totally get why we’re matches because if we weren’t I’d just be a bitch constantly.” Aw, romance!
All these movies are met by laughter. Seems appropriate.
Local: It was funny because it was so lame.
^Describes a vast majority of my dates tbfh.
Adam and Stanley get third place… somehow. Devin and Rashida get second. Cam and Mikala get first! Yay, mom and dad!
And the couple that came in last is… Mike and Alicia. Who’s surprised? No one? Okay.
Damn, if you lose you get your bank account cut in half? Since when is that a thing? Karamo, you apparently have not been doing a good enough job of over-explaining these challenges.
Morgan is upset because they didn’t win which is ridiculous because this was the one challenge that wasn’t physical. Like, it’s obvious they specifically designed it to even the playing field.
Morgan is literally telling Devin that he’s gonna steal and fuck Tori over and when Tori brings it up to him he’s like “IDK man you’re just being oversensitive.” This shit right here is why I don’t fw men rn. Men be like “You fucking bitch I’m gonna come to your house tonight and kill you and your entire bloodline and everyone you care about” and then turn around and be like “Yeah officer IDK why this bitch is acting so paranoid for no reason. Women, amirite?”
So this montage of Devin and Morgan fighting over what type of belly button they have made the final cut, but we don’t even know why Cam and Mikala broke up? Ok, MTV.
THE CHOICE
Morgan and Tori get voted in again.
For the speeches Tori is like “Last time when we said we were gonna put it all behind us I really meant it.” Eh her speech is meh.
Meanwhile Morgan is so monotone I feel like he did that on purpose. He’s like “Yeah dude IDK it’s tough seeing you upset. If I was gonna steal I would have stolen last week so.” Compelling point!
DEVIN, STOP TRYING TO MAKE MEDUSA HAPPEN. Tori is not at all two-faced for putting her own best interest in this game above yours! Also Devin and Rashida thinking they’re gonna beat Tori and Morgan in the final are some strong fucking words coming from the team that’s lost to them like, three out of four challenges so far.
WAIT. PLOT TWIST.
This is a “blind choice.” They’re never gonna hear the choice the other person made. Both of them are staying. No one is going home. Why the fuck did I waste an hour of my life then?
Alicia: Bitch whaaaat???
^My exact reaction tho.
Rashida: Morgan and Tori are mind-fucked because they’ll never know what the other person picked. …As if they can’t just ask each other later. Are y’all really this stupid?
Well thanks MTV and Karamo for wasting an entire hour of my life. Love you, mean it.
