A Non-Comprehensive List Of Things I Will Never Complain About Once This Is All Over

I finally got the first dose of the COVID vaccine. 10 traumatizing months and a 45-minute wait in line, and it came not a moment too soon. Everyone running the pop-up clinic was stressed, but (not to brag) getting the vaccine was the most relaxed I had felt in months. I felt like nothing could bother me again. I sat in the waiting area with a tinge of a sore arm as we were watched by the assistant director of nursing for exactly 15 minutes to make sure we didn’t go into anaphylactic shock (none of us did). Personally, I welcomed the opportunity to sit and wait. I’ll never complain about having to sit around again. After living through a pandemic, there are numerous things that I will never complain about again. I’ve compiled a short list:

Waiting For A Table At A Restaurant

As soon as safely possible, I am going to gather 8-10 of my loudest friends to jam ourselves into a restaurant and take up a few tables for multiple hours. We’ll have to wait a while for a table large enough to fit us will be available, but that’ll be fine because one of my friends will do something embarrassing like ask for a bread basket while we wait. We will be polite to the wait staff, of course, but we will be treating the restaurant as if we rented it out. The other patrons will hate us for our unintentional volume level. We’ll wait in the lobby, outside, at a store down the street and wait for them to text us — it doesn’t matter. Time is an illusion and we waited almost a year to go to the restaurant in the first place.

Wearing An Uncomfortable Outfit

I have been switching between scrubs and sweatpants all day every day. I am always in sneakers. My jean-wearing tolerance has diminished, and structured bras have become an archaic garment. I have never been so physically comfortable on a day-to-day basis, but at what cost?? Once I will be allowed to leave the house for non-essential reasons, I will be wearing stiletto heels every day. If my toes aren’t worn down to the bone by the end of my first week of freedom, I will know I haven’t done enough. I’m not just going to wear bras again; I’m going to lace up a tight-ass corset until my organs are rearranged. Slap on some leather-latex pants and we’re headed to the function!

Being Ignored By A Bartender

Maybe it’s just my social anxiety, but whenever I’m waiting at the bar, I feel like I am being watched by everyone else. Everyone waiting, that is. The bartender is usually 20 feet away and wouldn’t be able to hear me if I was screaming bloody murder. But that’s totally fine — my favorite song is playing and there is a mirror behind the bar that I can check myself out in until the bartender finally comes over to me. If they ever come over. It’s not like I’m dying to spend $30 on two drinks (not like I’m complaining about that either!).

Standing Behind A Tall Person At A Concert

 Live music is something that I have been craving the most. There’s something that moves my soul when I hear the loud bass rattling my internal organs and I feel like the singer’s voice could lift me off the ground. I wish it would, actually, because apparently the only person who would be a first-round draft pick in the NBA is standing directly in front of me. Not to be a bitch, but why is this behemoth of a MAN at a KING PRINCESS CONCERT and why is he standing HERE?! Whew, calm down, deep breaths. It’s totally fine. I’ll close my eyes and let the music take me away. Far, far away from this person who is ruining everything. And yes, I will be posting this entire concert on my Insta story, tall person blocking the entire view of the stage or not.

Getting Smooshed In A Packed Subway

I love NYC. I miss it dearly. Everything about it. The smells, the sights, the rats, even the crowds. I miss being caught behind someone walking too slow while someone walking too fast is riding my ass. But I especially miss the defeated feeling of waiting so long for a subway, only for it to roll up with not a square inch of space in it. But with a positive outlook and no regard for others, I will plant myself right in the middle of the overflowing train with nothing to hold onto, so as soon as the train starts, I will be falling on someone. That’s just part of the city experience, baby! Drink it in!

Basically, whenever I’m out in public having a minor inconvenience, I’ll think to myself, “it could be worse. You could be curled up on the couch at home with nowhere to go and nothing to do.” Actually, that sounds pretty nice…

Images: Melanie Pongrantz / Unsplash

Ali Hinman
Ali Hinman
Ali is your new gay BFF (they can be girls too, ya know). She is a karaoke queen and a woman of extremes. She throws her opinions around like confetti. No she’s not a crazy cat lady, but yes, she believes that her cat Tina deserves the world and nothing less.