I was still recovering from the heartbreak of Stephen and Sabrina from Love is Blind: UK when the new cast for Love Is Blind: US season 7 . So obviously, I got over shit real fast and started snooping through all of their Instagrams. And lemme tell you, this season is gonna be JUICY! We’ve got a pair of sisters, we’ve got a truckload of Marines, a potential Anna Delvey, and a DILF. The new season drops on October 2nd, so dust up your knowledge, cancel all of your plans, and settle in for a wild ride. I hope plenty of them get a wild ride too – hey heeeeeeey. So, let’s go over the entire cast of Love Is Blind season 7, including their ages and jobs, and play a fun little game of Fuck, Marry, Kill to really get to know them! 

Love Is Blind Season 7 Cast

The Men

Bohdan, 36, Tech Sales

Excuse me, did someone order a Marine? A proud immigrant and Ukrainian refugee, and former Marine? No one? I guess I’ll take this hot dish back to the kitchen then. Bodhan is apparently living the American Dream, and a lucky lady may get to live it with him!! He was previously married for five years and apparently ignored a bucketload of red flags for her, which he doesn’t plan to do again. His ick??? PICKY EATERS. He is not here for the chicky nug lovers. I getchu baby, let’s go get some dim sum together. His Instagram tells me that he has piercing blue eyes, is close to his family, and apparently takes group photos at funerals. 

Marry (but I won’t join the funeral pics)

David, 29, Project Manager

First a Marine, now a former Navy Officer, Netflix really went all in on the “more fish in the sea” metaphor for this season. Apparently, his long-distance job is what’s kept David from love in the past, and he’s settled into Washington and is ready to DO THIS SHIT. He can’t wait to delete his dating apps — you and me both. But there’s just one hurdle in the way… his mom. “The key to my heart is a woman who can get my mother’s definite approval,” he said. I smell a mama’s boy, who will take her opinion over yours and expect you to cook her exact recipes. His love for travel and six-pack (eight-pack) do help to sweeten the deal, though.

Fuck (I ain’t staying to meet mama)

Garrett, 33, Quantum Physicist

Talk dirty to me, Garrett, tell me all about those nebulas and hydrogen waves. Once again, we’ve got Netflix’s weird obsession with water (or is it a Washington thing) as Garrett spends his weekend spearfishing!! On the one hand, I love the caveman aesthetic of it all, and on the other hand, it could be a major ick. I guess we’ll see in person. If he gets engaged, I hope we get to see his future wifey attempt spearfishing. His Instagram tells me he is outdoorsy, cocky confident, and ripped. He is also the mascot for man holding fish on a dating app. 

Fuck (and explain black holes to me)

Jason, 30, Loan Officer

Okay, we’ve finally moved on from the aquatic theme with Jason, who has apparently never been in love before!! He claims it isn’t for a lack of trying, but that he has been “wasting time on the wrong girls.” Idk why but that whole sentence bothers me, I just love girls too much. But yeah, Jason is looking for a soulmate to start a family with. He wants his future wifey to be “somewhat proper” and “definitely intellectual” — rules me out real fast. Jason is apparently self-aware enough to know his flaws, which include being a terrible texter. This man looks like he’d ruin my life with a big smile of those pearly whites.

Kill (only because I’m scared of loans)

Leo, 31, Art Dealer

Art dealer by day, spiritual guru by night. Leo is like totally into yoga and meditating, and describes himself to have “a real crunchy” side to himself — lol, holding back the naughty jokes. His ideal partner would be on the same level, and must laugh at his goofy jokes!! A funny joke includes his bio containing “Leo (name not sign)” — HA HA HA. He usually goes for the “girly girls,” so it’ll be interesting to see who he leaves the pods with. Don’t let his age fool you, as Leo is down with the kids and on TikTok!! I can’t explain it, but his Instagram leaves me worried I’m about to get conned a la Anna Delvey. 

Kill (I don’t want to be a character in the Netflix documentary that will come out about him one day)

Nick D., 29, Real Estate Agent

Ever dreamed of being the cheerleader dating the guy from the football team? Now’s your chance, as Nick was an all-American college football player geared up to play in the NFL. Soooo that obviously didn’t happen, but you could still role play as Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift. Instead, he’s a successful real estate agent who has ticked off all the boxes but wife. He is attracted to ambition and confidence, as he doesn’t want his future partner to need him too much… In his words: “I don’t want someone who’s going to latch onto me and ride my wave.” I’m just gonna leave that there and say both his Instagram and TikTok are giving boomer energy.

Marry (I need a place to live asap)

Nick P., 31, Commercial Real Estate Brokerage

If you like the idea of dating a dad so you don’t have to birth your own kid, get an eyeful of this DILF. Nick is a hopeless romantic who is ready to stop focusing on the physical. He has definitely come to the right place then. He has a nine-year-old kid, which seems good as that’s like right before they get annoying. A nine year old might still accept a new stepmum. He’s really into Star Wars, so expect to be asked to dress up as Princess Leia in the bedroom. His Instagram tells me his entire personality is being a dad, which is pretty cute.

Kill (I’m not good with kids, sorry!!!)

Perry, 31, Realtor

Well, if you’ve ever been catfished, you and Perry will have some common ground to start off with!! Perry mentioned going on a date with someone he’d met online, only to discover they were not who he expected. He didn’t mention it, and somehow felt brave enough to go into the biggest breeding ground for catfishing: Love is Blind. If you like your Sunday morning (or every morning) to start with a bagel, this realtor will whip up fresh ones for you — “Sesame, everything, poppy seed — really whatever you want.” SOLD GIMME BAGELS. His Instagram is PRIVATE so now I wonder if he’s catfishing the rest of us!!

Marry (I really like bagels)

Ramses, 35, Program Associate at Justice Reform Nonprofit

I feel like his job title lasts longer than he will, but onwards we go. He’s super into empathy, so maybe save the gossip for the third date. He’s been married before, and explained that it ended because they “just grew in different directions.” But don’t worry, you won’t be a rebound, as its been four years since he’s divorced and he’s done all his healing. He’s entering the experiment knowing exactly what he wants. From his Instagram, I get that he is very artsy, very cool, and very ready to gaslight me.

Fuck (I like a gaslighter)

Raymond, 33, Consultant

I’m impressed if someone has a degree from Oxford or Yale, let alone from both of them??? Okay, sir, let’s hope other assets match your big brain — his heart, guys, don’t be crude!! But I’m a little confused at how Raymond describes himself as a “self-made military man,” what is a non-self-made one? Is there nepotism in the military? I have questions. He was super into musical theatre, which means he’ll def be willing to go watch the new Wicked movie with you, slay!!! Um I need y’all to go look at his Instagram and discuss that one pic with me. You’ll know the one. 

Fuck (that picture)

Stephen, 34, Electrician

Are sparks flying or am I just in danger of electrocuting myself again? Another fucking former Marine (was there a job posting in the barracks??), Stephen is not gonna settle because he “understands his worth.” Pop off, sis!! He has worked hard to be the best version of himself and now he wants an emotionally intelligent woman to match his energy.  “My type is a woman who wants you, but doesn’t need you,” he explains. So I am very out of the running. His perfect date includes a Lord of the Rings movie marathon, which is likely your heaven or personal hell, so that should narrow things down. I struggled to pay attention to his Instagram once I saw his adorable sausage dog.

Marry (if only so I can sing “Hey Stephen” to piss him off everyday)

Tamar, 33, Video Editor and Animator

Apparently, Tamar has been riding solo for the last five years, mainly due to a severe case of right person, wrong time. This isn’t his first time in the pods, as he took part in a Love Is Blind-inspired singles event for people in his hometown of Baltimore. He left loveless, but with lots of new besties. Drama queens and vegans do not apply for this man’s heart. “I like to be as drama-free in my life as possible,” he says, meaning he is most definitely the source of the drama. His Instagram tells me he’s a Kamala fan and not into aesthetics, if good guys exist, this is one!

Kill (I obviously live for the drama)

Tim, 33, Web Content Strategist

You know those weird icks you can’t quite explain? Like someone wearing invisible socks or stumbling on the subway? Mine would be self-proclaimed old souls, lol. Aside from that, Tim seems ready to laugh at his dating life, and claims family and marriage are the most important things in life. He is looking for “a confident and graceful Black woman who appreciates direct communication,” and I truly hope he finds one in the pods!!! Apparently he is described by friends to be “clear and transparent, to a fault.” This is not a man who will tell you that you look pretty if you don’t, take from that what you will. From his profile, I gather he is down-to-earth and just looking to be a dad.

Kill (I need a man to tell me I’m pretty even if I look like death warmed up!!)

Tyler, 34, Account Manager

This former military man tends to go for jokesters who make him laugh — well by now you know I’m HILARIOUS, Tyler. Jokes aside, Tyler is ready to get serious. He claims his last relationship ended because his ex “didn’t have her life together” (ruh roh) and he now wants a self-possessed woman who can match his energy. He loves horse girls???? So I guess if your childhood crush was Spirit the Stallion, swipe right on him. From the LIB pic on his profile, I gather he had a birthday in a pod, and someone celebrated it, so you know he got engaged!!!!

Fuck (I don’t have my life together so we can’t get married)

The Women

Alexandra, 33, Producer

A bombshell with a self-proclaimed heart of gold. Alexandra is apparently really easy to talk to and done with having her heart broken. She explained that her longest relationships ended badly: one ex wasn’t up front about his sexual orientation, and another was unfaithful. I hope it wasn’t about the sexual orientation itself (the bisexual woman shakingly writes). She likes her men “tall and fine,” with an extra dose of compassion and confidence. I’m sure you’ll find that in a blind dating show!!! Her Instagram tells me that she is a baddie and that I’d love to snoop through her closet. 

Fuck (IDK if she’d like me being bi lol)

Ally, 31, Master Esthetician

Don’t judge me but I literally had to google what an esthetician is!! But now that I know it’s a skincare professional, I want to be best friends and get her to sort out my skin and gimme bucketloads of botox lol. Ally is usually into “tall teddy bear men with Southern charm,” but somehow ends up dating “short bald men,” oh wow I can guess what’s about to happen. Slight ick, she says she is looking for a fellow Potterhead… But at least she is a foodie too and a total beauty and skin-care expert. I love her Instagram content and I’m obsessed with her glowing skin, girlie drop some recs.

Marry (if only to share those skincare products!!)

Ashley A., 32, Marketing Director

This girlie is ready to find her ride-or-die and just wants a man looking for the same!! She’s unfortunately been that jealous girlfriend, even snooping through one former partner’s phone — girlie should link up with Jasmine from LIB UK. She’s done with all that and wants a “faith-driven guy who both appreciates her stealthy sense of humor and quiets her anxieties” — where can I order one of these? She wants someone to take care of her heart and join her on a HomeGoods run, sounds simple enough. After looking at her Instagram, I am ready to dedicate myself to protecting her heart, especially when the lil Christmas dress is involved…

Marry (I love HomeGoods!!!!!!)

Ashley W., 32, Health and Wellness Educator

All these Ashleys are making me feel like I’m on the playground of Recess (did anyone watch that??). Apparently, there are two sides to this Ashley: a really girly girl and an inner tomboy. Sounds like every bisexual I know but I would hate to assume anything. She is looking for a partner to accept both parts of her… and be rich, athletic, compassionate, and well-groomed. She is someone who can be alone and as a fellow alone girlie I love that for her!!! Plus she works with kids so you know she’s a good person. Her Instagram also shows me she’s a dancer so weddings wouldn’t be an embarrassment that’s for sure.

Fuck (I’m a writer, I can’t foot my own bill let alone someone elses)

Brittany, 33, Esthetician

It’s the big, fancy word I now know!! Brittany often picks litter with her Baltimore-based beach clean-up organization so she has little to no patience for dating trash men. She’s looking for an adventurous man and describes herself as a “wild card.” Ideally her perfect man is older and looks like a “blonde Viking with long hair,” but she is def not picky!!! Travel is a must in her future, and her Instagram is making me thinking of Stacey from a previous season, in the very best way. Also girlie link me that pink beach dress immediately, or better yet, let me borrow yours.

Marry (I do! I do! I do!)

Dylan, 30, Realtor and Artist

You know those people who willingly describe themselves as quirky? Yeah, that would 100% be Dylan. She is a self-proclaimed “crazy fun friend,” and I’m guessing that means she is often shoved into a cab at 2am by her friends, still holding her kebab. But she is an ARTIST, be it painting, woodworking, building furniture — love a girl with hobbies. She took some time out of dating to truly love herself, and now she wants a “motivated and goofy” guy. She also needs someone to finally teach her how to ride a bike. Her fully black-and-white Instagram is a lil terrifying but also thrilling?? Idk how to feel right now.

Kill (I’m Dutch, I need someone to be able to ride a bike in my country)

Hannah, 27, Medical Device Sales

This country girlie is ready to leave her couch and fall in love — one of us should. She wants a dog dad for her fury baby Luna and thinks her West Virginia drawl is sure to make an impression on the guys on the other side of the pods. Apparently, Hannah doesn’t have a filter, which people either love or hate, though I will say that her Instagram definitely makes use of some — not complaining! Lack of filter aside, she is just looking out for people and promises that she really does have a kind heart. Also her LIB photo does not do her justice now that I see her profile, woah.

Marry (It’s a feeling, I can’t explain it)

Katie, 36, Sports Marketing Manager

I fucking love the age ranges in this season and think it’s bad ass to have a woman in her mid-thirties — I keep telling people 35 is the new 25. Apparently Katie spent too much time on the wrong men. Working in the world of sports means she has to come off “cold or emasculating,” but this is far from the real Katie. She describes herself as a “big love bug” looking for an “alpha man.” Ruh roh, run from alpha men girlie, but I wish you the best!! Also, if this is what sports fans look like, I have definitely been missing out.

Fuck (I don’t want to spend every Sunday watching sports I’m so sorry)

Marissa, 32, Lawyer

Marissa mentions that she is looking for the “invisible string” she believes connects her with her future husband — I SMELL A SWIFTIE! She spent seven years in the Navy (another one???) which is apparently what she is most proud of in life. Now she’s a law girlie looking for an intelligent and empathetic partner who doesn’t mind her burping. Marissa knows her problem: “Men fall in love with my looks and charms, but don’t take the time to really get to know me.” I wish I could say the same. From my deep, scientific, analysis of her Instagram, I gather that she likes travel, time with the girlies and any excuse to wear a bikini.

Marry (if she is a Swiftie)

Monica, 37, Sales Executive

Speaking of Swifties, I think we’ve found this season’s “mirrorball.” Monica tends to be the life of the party, whether that’s a festival or club, but apparently she is also very sensitive. She’s been cheated on (girlieeee), and now really needs some to make her feel “emotionally safe.” She has four younger sisters, and literally if she can survive that, she can survive anything. This also means romantic interests have a lot of little sisters to impress, a hard task, I can assure you. Her Instagram tells us that she is “allergic to almonds & bs,” and now I’m craving a flakey, almond croissant. Loving the style, especially the glittery co-ord, gimme!!!

Fuck (I can’t give up almond croissants)

Morgan, 33, Sales Team Lead

A former pageant queen, Morgan wants people to know she is smarter than she looks. She wants her men to have graduated from therapy by the time they’re dating her. She is done accepting the bare minimum — how do I get there?? From her social media, I see an influencer in the making, and I def want to watch her videos on a loop. Also girlie, drop me those blowout tips, as my limp hair cannot. 

Marry (I’ve been to therapy a lot!)

Nina, 32, Journalist

Nothing gets me quicker than a classic 90s band reference, and Nina is ready to pull out the Spice Girls: “Wanna be Nina’s lover? Well, then you gotta get with her friends and family.” Watch out boys, as her little sister Tara is also in the experiment!! For the past year, Nina has been healing from the heartbreak of ending a nine-year relationship with her ex-fiancé, but now she is in her “YOLO era” — wheezing. She wants someone who remembers the little things she likes, don’t we all? From her Instagram, I gather that she has great hair, is a cart person, rocks the fuck out of a bikini, and gets on well with her sissy. 

Marry (but I do need to see the sister first)

Tara, 29, Senior Marketing Manager

Okay, let’s see the sister now!! Tara is apparently one of those people that fucking leaps into love, and once almost moved to Germany for an ex-boyfriend. She’s done with the insecure men she keeps dating, she wants someone can communicate!!! Her worst habit is apparently needing to have the last word, which might be an issue as I am a YAPPER. Apparently, things have been a bit bland in her dating life, so she obviously signed up for Love is Blind. The Instagram is giving edgy, classy, stylish, demure, mindful, loml.

Marry (I’m torn between two sisters, what in the Wattpad???)

Taylor, 30, Clean Energy Policy Consultant

She’s a Pisces, but don’t hold it against her!! This Woman in STEM is ready to blow your mind and your bedroom (SORRY) and has spent time working on herself. She longs for a relationship like the one her parents have, as they’ve been married for 35 years now (can’t relate). She wants a kind, intellectually curious, and emotionally intelligent guy, and I’m not sure those exist, but I wish her all the best. Apparently, the key to her heart is loving her mind (once again, can’t relate). Her Instagram is giving adorable science girlie, and I’m obsessed with her bio, “doing it for the plot and the planet.”

Marry (Can I just have lots of wives?? Mormons do it!!)

Jenny, 31, Account Training Coordinator

So in case you didn’t know, the DC dating scene is apparently “useless and disappointing,” according to Jenny. If LIB doesn’t work out, she is moving. She is looking for THE ONE, and she loves effortless swag or a sexiness. I didn’t know people still use the term swag. Nose piercing girlies always get the VIP entrance to my heart, and Jenny is no exception. From her Instagram, I see she is a fit girlie with style, and I have high hopes for her on the show.

Fuck (I don’t have swag and I can’t stand the term)