When we all sat down to watch the first episode of Jersey Shore in 2009, none of us knew how much the show would change our lives. Even if you think you exist in a totally different realm than the cast of guidos and guidettes, you need to just accept the fact that they literally changed the world. Don’t believe me? In 2011, Nicole Snooki Polizzi tweeted to Donald Trump and asked him to run for president, and now he’s fucking ruining everything the leader of the free world.
@realDonaldTrump can you just be president already?
— Nicole Polizzi (@snooki) November 16, 2011
Anyway, besides basically controlling the destiny of the entire world, Snooki has done some pretty wild shit. In honor of her 30th birthday (fuck), let’s take a walk down memory lane to revisit some of her most ridiculous moments, back in an innocent time where America’s greatest concern was a drunk 4’8″ spray tanned chick in fuzzy slippers.
Her Arrival To The Shore House
Honestly, Snooki was an icon from the first moment she stepped into all of our lives screaming, “PARTY’S HERE!” She entered the Shore House with confidence and a mission to black out. She’s like, a pioneer of shit show living.
When She Invented Day Drinking
Okay, maybe Snooki didn’t technically invent day drinking. But she did play a pivotal role in making it socially acceptable-ish. I think Drake was probably thinking of Snooki when he said “you can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning.”
When She Sent Sam “The Letter”
Remember when Ron cheated on Sam and everyone was freaking out because they didn’t know how to tell her, and Snooki found a sensible, yet genius solution? The letter should probably be treated with the same level of respect as the Declaration of Independence. Seriously, I’d probably watch a movie where Nicolas Cage tries to steal it.
When She Hid In The Back Of The Shore Store To Drink
This was such an important moment for women everywhere. If Don Draper from Mad Men could drink at work, the rest of us can, too.
When She Couldn’t Find The Beach
Drunk Snooki running down the boardwalk trying to find the beach, only to faceplant into the sand and get arrested is one of the best moments in recorded history.
When She Taught Us All To Be Honest About Our Feelings
Say what you want about Snooki, but you can’t deny that the betch is literally the most honest person. She’s always upfront about her feelings. Also, she’s now happily married with two super cute kids, so maybe it’s time we all accepted that playing hard to get isn’t working and being ridiculously explicit about your feelings is the move.
When She Got Punched In The Face
Do we even need to discuss this moment?
When She Wore A Bunny Mascot Suit To Karma
Not the be dramatic, but getting dressed to go to the club is the worst thing in the entire world. Snooki found a way around having to shave her legs and wore a fucking bunny costume to Karma. The best part is, this isn’t even the craziest outfit she ever wore there.
When She Was On Celebrity Apprentice
Snooki’s quick stint on Celebrity Apprentice showed a whole other side to the reality star. She was totally shy and reserved the whole time. It was so weird. I genuinely think that Snooki sitting silently at a conference table is crazier than her drinking pickle juice out of a jar while dancing on a bar.
When She Lost A Shit Ton Of Weight, Got Married And Had Kids
Hands down the craziest shit Snooki has ever done was get her life together. Like, I don’t know how people aren’t talking about this all of the time. Sure, she’s still talking about farting on social media and drinking whenever the fuck she wants, but she had a total life transformation and it’s absolutely insane. She’s literally a New Jersey soccer mom and had her own line of swimwear that isn’t even filled with leopard print monikinis!
