How are you surviving your quarantine? Drinking every time you feel an overwhelming feeling of existential dread (every passing moment)? Checking the fridge every 15 seconds to make sure you’re still aware of what’s in there (nothing, you ate all your quarantine snacks already)? Going live on Instagram like literally no one asked you to (please don’t)?
However you’re choosing to pass the time, I sincerely hope you have found a way to not go completely insane yet. Personally, I have been using this new abundance of free time to work on creative projects and deep clean my apartment scroll through Twitter, much like when I used to use company time to scroll through Twitter. Nice to change things up.
Lucky for me, Twitter is straight-up poppin’ right now. Social distancing and self quarantining has given content creators the opportunity to thrive with their front-facing videos, hot takes, and Twitter jokes. We love to see it.
In case you’ve missed out on this premium content, have no fear, I have curated a list of some of the best tweets that have gone viral in the good way during these trying times. You’re welcome!
1. Time Has Collapsed On Itself (@BrotiGupta)
wanna feel old? this morning was TODAY
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) March 18, 2020
And March is still not over.
2. Literally what is a 401(k)? (@calebsaysthings)
people keep saying “don’t check your 401k” like I know what that is or have one to check. should I also sanitize my opera binoculars? cancel my incoming shipment of caviar? fuel up the private jet while prices are low?
— 𝘾𝘼𝙇𝙀𝘽 𝙃𝙀𝘼𝙍𝙊𝙉 (@calebsaysthings) March 17, 2020
Ahh, yes, times are so terrible I may have to downsize my butler staff. Woe is me!
3. Stay the fuck home. (@AliseNavidad)
Girl who went to the bar on quarantine pic.twitter.com/O76S51gnbX
— Alise Morales (@AliseNavidad) March 15, 2020
If you were this girl, you should be ashamed.
4. Capitalism strikes again. (@MikiZarzycki)
Everyone with a fake job gets to stay home and get paid to drop funny gifs into Slack, everyone with a real job has to be a frontline pandemic worker or get fired.
— banksy (@MikiZarzycki) March 17, 2020
And they all said my fake job would be worth nothing…
5. Some things remain the same. (@5foot1girl)
day 3 of quarantine: a man hasn't made me cum in 2 years
— rosé (@5foot1girl) March 17, 2020
At least nothing has changed.
6. Oh hi, Aunt Carol. (@megstalter)
Your aunt who just now realized we should quarantine pic.twitter.com/IQ7EHWnRBQ
— Meg Stalter (@megstalter) March 17, 2020
Where have you been?!
7. Grocery store workers need a raise yesterday. (@blairsocci)
Crazy how grocery store workers had no idea they signed up for the draft
— Blair Socci (@blairsocci) March 16, 2020
They are doing the Lord’s work.
8. We are taking any friends we can get. (@alyssalimp)
pre-isolation: ah there's a bug in here kill it!!!
now: hello Kendra the bug welcome to our home may we interest you in a glass of wine
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) March 22, 2020
Think Kendra can join in a FaceTime next week?
9. Brb, sending this to my therapist. (@LukeMones)
Me, a paranoid hypochondriac, walking into therapy this morning pic.twitter.com/BxEBOqPVDt
— Luke Mones (@LukeMones) March 13, 2020
Shouts-out to all the therapists who are going to be having the same conversation, day in and day out, for months.
10. FOMO is dead. (@ilazer)
it took a global pandemic to eradicate every fiber of FOMO from my body. there is no mo fo mo.
— ilana glazer (@ilazer) March 30, 2020
The one silver lining of this whole pandemic.
11. Third breakfast is in T-minus 15 minutes. (@stellaboonshoft)
quarantine has rly shown me that i am, at all times, simply waiting to eat my next meal
— stella (@stellaboonshoft) March 16, 2020
Aren’t we all, though?
12. #KeepIdrisSafe (@marcellacomedy)
I still can’t get over Idris Elba’s wife Sabrina sitting behind him in that corona video. That wasn’t to support him. That was to let all us hoes know that she got this and we didn’t need to be in his comments like ILL SUCK THE CORONA RIGHT OUTTA UR DICK.
— Marcella Arguello (@marcellacomedy) March 17, 2020
…But if he needs someone to suck the corona out of his d*ck, I might be available.
13. If you know, you know. (@Rachel_Sennott)
Vanessa hudgens rn pic.twitter.com/XiuOEXFyiN
— Rachel Sennott (@Rachel_Sennott) March 17, 2020
Still waiting for any kind of apology or acknowledgment.
14. I’ll wait. (@nnschiller)
Can someone explain to me again why it's reasonable and fair to ask the lowest paid employees to save up enough to have a cushion for emergencies but it's unreasonable and unfair to ask wealthy organizations and corporations to save up enough to pay employees in emergencies?
— Nicholas Schiller is not okay with this. (@nnschiller) March 13, 2020
15. Hindsight is 2020. (@handsdickie)
I bet a lot wives right now wish their husbands bought them a Peloton for Christmas
— Hanna Dickinson (@hansdickie) March 16, 2020
The marketing glow-up nobody saw coming.
16. Can we all agree sweatpants are the official uniform of quarantine? (@sarafcarter)
People who are quarantining in jeans: what are you trying to prove
— sarafcarter (@sarafcarter) March 21, 2020
We get it, we get it: you want to make sure your pants fit. You’re better than us.
17. Deep sigh. (@pareene)
I can't believe I'm entering the second global financial meltdown of my adult life and more or less the same people are still in charge of everything
— 'Weird Alex' Pareene (@pareene) March 16, 2020
Have we learned nothing?
18. I am begging you. (@Rachel_Sennott)
can we all just agree to gain 15 pounds. that way none of us have to feel weird about it
— Rachel Sennott (@Rachel_Sennott) March 15, 2020
The quarantine 15 is the new freshman 15.
19. Finally, a use for my one talent. (@ziwe)
some of you lack the disassociative skills needed to emotionally survive the apocalypse and it shows
— ziwe (@ziwe) March 10, 2020
Been training to stay inside and not talk to anyone my whole life.
20. @betchesluvthis gets it 😉
Lana Del Rey's is going through a breakup and a quarantine at the same time so you already know that album is gonna be lit
— Betches (@betchesluvthis) March 25, 2020
At least we have one thing to look forward to.
Images: Mike Coppola/Getty Images