In a self-portrait for Vanity Fair, Sabrina Carpenter said that because of the lyrics she sings (think about any “Nonsense” outro ever), people assume that she’s “the horniest girl alive” — but that it couldn’t be farther from the truth. In fact, she argued that she’s a “very normal amount of horny.” But WTF is a normal amount of horny?
I, like my girl Sabrina, have also been accused of being ridiculously horny. I mean, I’m a sex writer — I love sex and I love talking about it pretty much all the time. It’s basically a core personality trait at this point. But even outside of that, I’ve always felt like I’ve had a particularly strong libido. Anytime I’ve talked to other people about it though, they’ve joked about how “feral” or “raunchy” I could be. And for a while I started to internalize it: Is it weird that I masturbate so often? Is something wrong with me for wanting to have sex any time I saw my partner? Am I too horny?
So, I asked Joy Berkheimer, Ph.D., licensed marriage & family therapist and chief sexologist at SXWA, for her expertise on all things libido.
What’s A Normal Amount Of “Horny”?
There’s no universal normal amount of horny, according to Dr. Berkheimer. “It’s so individual, we each have our own version of a healthy sex drive that can fluctuate.”
This resonates with me. After really sitting with myself that past few years, I realized that almost everything in this life is relative — especially when it comes to anything regarding sex.
But if for some reason your libido feels “abnormal,” Dr. Berkheimer suggests asking yourself a few questions before getting really concerned:
- What time of the month is it? “Depending on where you are in your menstrual cycle you may experience an increase or a decrease in feeling horny as well as easily or less easily aroused,” she says.
- How long has it been since you released sexually? Timing can play a factor.
- Am I craving closeness with someone or do I just want company? Aka, am I simply lonely?
Can You Be “Too” Horny?
Sabrina Carpenter can be pretty explicit in her lyrics, but her concern that people perceive her as being “the horniest girl alive,” is nothing to be worried about, according to Dr. Berkheimer.
“Concern comes in when there is a huge dip or lift from one day to the next or from one relationship to the next,” she tells Betches. “There can be a shift in how safe you feel from one person to another, a shift in your health that needs to be checked out right away or a sudden stress or trauma not related to either, but that is being ignored and manifested in your body nonetheless.”
Also, if you feel for some reason that you’re “too” horny, it’s a good idea to take a step back and ask yourself, “Where am I getting my definition of too horny?” If it’s coming from someone else, is that someone even a reliable source? Is it someone that resonates with your life experience and personal needs? Because if not, you might be letting someone else’s experiences define what’s “normal” for you.In reality, there is no “normal” amount of horny that’s a standard for everyone in the world. In fact, there might not even be a “normal” amount of horny for yourself – our bodies change and evolve all the time so what may seem like your norm one day could totally shift the next.
I guess Sabrina was just talking Nonsense.
