The world may have moved on, but I’m still there in the studio, praying to make it up from the bottom of the pyramid in my life. I have been waiting for Dance Moms: The Reunion and now it has finally come!! For an hour and a half, I got to see the girls and moms that made me cringe like no one else could. I had more drama with these moms than my own, and I was a precocious teenager to say the least.
Apparently, the cast hadn’t discussed the show in meetups since… which I don’t fucking buy. When me and my friends from college meet up, all we talk about is the stupid shit we did back then and where everyone else is now. You always reminisce over the place you peaked. But true or not, it made this hour and a half special VERY interesting, and I’ve ranked the revelations during the Dance Moms reunion in pyramid form, in honor of Abby Lee Miller.
Biggest Revelations From Dance Moms: The Reunion
Bottom of the period: Kira’s choice to double belt
Let’s start nice and small for our bottom spot, and for once, it’s not Paige. Instead, we need to talk about Kira’s outfit. I recognize that Y2K fashion is having a resurgence, so a big belted dress would be a choice, but an understandable one. What I don’t understand is having two belts in your dress. Why? Is one spare? Are they each taking breaks? Pick one belt and stick with it, don’t be greedy!
12. Reliving Kendall’s flowered headbands
Speaking of fashion choices, I am so grateful that we got a flashback to Kendall’s iconic flowered headbands. It looked just as silly as I remembered. I say this as someone who also wore flowered headbands in the middle of my five-head and regret it thoroughly. I feel so seen.
11. Paige reading us for filth
My favorite quote of the entire reunion happened before they even took to the stage a la Bravo reunion. And it was when Paige, in her version of an Ariana Maddix red revenge dress, said, “My way of coping was just kind of forgetting about it and laughing it off, but now being back in this atmosphere is just bringing a whole lot of emotions.” I am Paige Hyland, and she is me. I too, forget and laugh at the most traumatic shit in my life until I’m forced to confront it and sob.
10. The awkward greetings
This was so much more painful than I expected. JoJo and Chloe have met so why were they acting like total strangers? Also, I missed the social media drama between Brooke and JoJo. Does JoJo have social media drama with everyone nowadays?
But the pressing question is why everyone who entered first hugged Jesslyn, JoJo’s mom? I get she was seated on the side, but it felt so weird, as if they all knew her so well. If I was Jesslyn I would’ve taken the hint and moved.
9. JoJo and Abby’s relationship
Okay, now for some actual REVELATIONS! This revelation wasn’t too shocking, as I had seen Abby reviewing JoJo’s new music video (lol) and heard JoJo refuse to condemn her, but I didn’t realize the extent of their relationship. I assumed this was an online etiquette, but JoJo went to visit Abby in the hospital?? She also was kind of lowkey telling off the others for not going, which didn’t sit quite right. She is entitled to any relationship she wants with Abby, as are the others.
It’s especially shocking to see how JoJo has embraced Abby, given the flashback clips they showed of Abby roasting her to pieces. I forgot just how hard she was on that little gerbil!! When she called JoJo a “greedy little monster”? Watch me cease to exist if anyone ever yelled that at me. When JoJo wasn’t there Abby asked the girls, “Where is the class clown?” Like it’s all fun and games until you’re crying. I loved that moment JoJo stood up for herself and retorted, “Well if you yell at me, I’m gonna cry” — IN DEFENSE OF ANGRY CRYBABYS!!
Idk, JoJo, you may forgive or even be thankful for how Abby treated you, but that doesn’t make it okay.
8. The unexpected attempt at an Abby Lee Miller redemption arc
Speaking of which, I did not sign up for an Abby redemption arc. She was clearly not involved in the show, and I’m not sure if she was invited or not, yet somehow, we were expected to feel remorse for her. Seeing the footage of Abby battling cancer was very upsetting and difficult, but she also didn’t choose to apologize for her behavior. As far as I’m aware, she’s never admitted any fault in her behavior on the show.
Also, the switch to discussing when she plead guilty to bankruptcy fraud — OOFT! The girlies came ready to roast. They joked that she could’ve made a competition team in prison or done a pyramid ranking of her fellow inmates. The moms also reflected on this time and how Abby was sleeping in her back office at the time and spiraling in behavior.
7. The MOMS in Dance Moms
It’s funny that the reunion promo focused on the girlies, as, let’s be honest, they were never the highlight of the show. The drama was provided almost exclusively by their moms, who shoved their kids into the spotlight and bickered constantly. Some of the best reality TV feuds have been the result of these moms, so obviously, they weren’t going to sit patiently in the green room for their kids.
Despite the clear staging, about half the reunion was centered on the moms in the dressing room and their reactions. IDK if that was always the intention, or the girlies weren’t giving enough to fill the hour and a half. Also, the way they’d just decide to stomp onstage and hug their daughter or give their side of things was such dance-mom energy.
People were shocked Chloe came without her mom as if she wasn’t 22 years old. By 22, even I could go to things alone as long as it didn’t involve making a doctor’s appointment or going to a garage. But the real question is, where was Christi instead?? What is her mystery project??
6. How far Chloe has come
Speaking of our little blonde girlie, I felt like a proud mama watching her despite our five-year age gap!! She has grown so much. She discussed the forced rivalry between Maddie and her, and how much it impacted her. “I thought I wasn’t enough in every single way. It wasn’t until a year ago I realized her words were still lingering with me 10 years later.”
But also, at the end, when the producer was subtly not-so-subtly pushing her to discuss her sexuality, and she discussed coming out and being her best self!!! I can’t believe she’s been with Brooklyn for three years now. In all honesty, I cried when they played Christi’s video for her. My lil queer heart couldn’t take it.
5. Family therapy and Finger Bite Gate
We all knew that argument was going to come up. They knew it too. And yet watching the girls see the footage, and the way they physically turned away from it was so painful. I don’t understand how they never discussed it? Like not even between themselves? If my mom pulls anything I immediately ring my sister to vent. That’s literally why sisters were invented! This was one of the craziest moments on Dance Moms.
But the real revelation is after all these years, Kelly was still blaming Kalani and Kira for it. Not Abby, who orchestrated it all, not Melissa, who was aware, but the newbies! Everything was discussed openly for once, but damn, this family definitely should have talked about this in the decade since. Kelly apparently thinks about this fight daily, girlie, talk to someone!!! Also, I had totally forgotten that Kelly danced with Abby before her girls, so they had so much history leading up to that fight!
4. JoJo made 22 more songs like “Karma”
You read that right. The world can expect 22 more songs like “Karma.” When asked where she sees herself in the future, she subtly flexed that she had spent the last two years working on 23 songs. Excuse me, are you Taylor Swift? When are we getting the rest of them?? Also, she plans to have a five-year-old within ten years, and I cannot even open that Pandora’s Box, so let my silence speak for me.
3. The attitude to the no-shows
So this is the beef we were all waiting for, and it did not disappoint, in my opinion! Among the many gorgeous faces there, we were missing three key players, one of which dominated the pyramid. Where were Nia, Maddie, and Mackenzie?
Immediately, it was mentioned they had been present for a surprise party for Paige the day before but not for the reunion. Fans had found as much in their investigating, and turned fault to JoJo and Kalani for not being there for the party. WELL, THE PLOT THICKENS! Melissa threw the party?? As a result, the moms think it was intentional to avoid the girls badmouthing them at the reunion—as if that would ever stop them. Christi even called in JUST for this moment, iconic.
Paige very carefully said perhaps they weren’t ready to talk about it or had unresolved trauma around it, but the others did not mince their words. Kendall accused them of using Dance Moms when it suited them and said, “They’re not here, so why are they still trying to make headlines with it? Don’t talk about Dance Moms if you don’t want to be a part of it.” JoJo said as much and even specifically noted, “That’s why you are who you are.”
Nia has since addressed her absence in a TikTok video, where she explained she didn’t want to do the reunion. Some boss energy to clarify it wasn’t that it conflicted with school or sorority stuff; she could’ve done it but chose not to! Her mom, Dr.Holly, and Brooke both commented their support on the video. She very specifically mentions being grateful for it, which makes me think she knew what was said about the absences on it. Yikes!
No word from Maddie or Mackenzie… But like Kalani said, “Whatever, I’m not that upset.” Literally what every girlie who is SO NOT BOTHERED says.
2. Kendall vs JoJo beef??
OKAY, someone please tell me that I’m not the only one who picked up on this energy between them. What is going on between Kendall and JoJo?
JoJo made a joke when the group was toasting their drinks — they’re old enough to drink?? — of “to my little Kendall! Jill’s little Kendall!” I don’t know if this is what set it off, but I believe it was brewing even before that.
When JoJo says she misses hanging out with girlie girls as they hype each other up, Kendall’s response is a very snark “You need to hang around us more.” Like it was such a pick-me-girl comment of JoJo, but it was well-intended. I never thought I’d find myself defending JoJo Siwa, but here I go. It’s especially a bit of a shitty comment after it’s revealed JoJo and Kalani weren’t invited to the party with the rest. They didn’t know Paige like the others, but it was a group hang right before the reunion… JoJo didn’t respond to this, but her eyes said a lot.
JoJo gets called out for her response to Christi’s comment about Gianna. She explains that it just felt very harsh of Christi and conflicted with what she knew of Gianna. I understand Chloe having an issue with it, but Kendall swooped in as well to ask, “Do you regret making that video?” OOFT. In case you’re curious, she doesn’t regret making it, but perhaps regrets her wording.
The energy between those two was off, and I’d love to know what went down. Is it jealousy about JoJo’s success? Is it a remnant of when they were kids? Is it an enemies-to-lovers plot in the making? I need answers.
Top of the pyramid: Protect Kalani at all costs
At the top of the pyramid, where she belongs, forever and always, is my girlie Kalani!!! She was lovely in the show but after this reunion, I am a true convert. I will follow her everywhere!!!
Firstly, I had no idea that she and JoJo were such good friends. Maybe it’s a recent result of being the only two not invited to the birthday party, or perhaps it’s been going on longer. I think the latter, as they make jokes about getting married, and when Kalani is not doing okay, JoJo follows her and is immediately let into the bathroom stall.
Kalani shares her body image struggles, as her maturing body differed to the traditional dancer physique. She was aware of not having a stereotypical ballerinas figure and expressed how much this bothered her. She apparently still struggles with her body confidence as a result, and I bet all those skimpy dance costumes did not help.
But wow. When Kalani shared about her history of suicidal thoughts and how she’s contacted suicide hotlines herself, I was taken aback. I did not expect this in the reunion. It was so heartbreaking, as it felt like the producers knew and had set it up for this conversation. I’m not sure if she had felt ready for it herself. Perhaps she expressed this in a private interview, and they scheduled it in. I’m quite shocked that they continue to record her conversation in the bathroom with JoJo and her mom. This is a reunion, not the actual show, so they agreed to be talking onstage, not away from it.
When asked where she’d like to be in 10 years, she said she wants to still be a mental health advocate!!! Kalani 4 president.
