The MTV Video Music Awards are traditionally an event where celebrities compete with each other to wear the ugliest, most outrageous shit they can find. Except this year was a snooze fest and even the ugliest outfits weren’t that offensive. There weren’t any swan dresses or major wardrobe malfunctions, which is seriously disappointing. I don’t even think any real celebrities went this year unless they knew they had to perform or accept an award; the red carpet was pretty much just social media stars. I guess everyone figured the world would be too busy watching the Game of Thrones finale to tune into the VMAs, so they decided not to even make an effort to be extra. What a shame. Anyway, these outfits still managed to suck, so let’s talk shit about them.
Alessia Cara
Alessia Cara has a zero fucks attitude, which I really appreciate. I mean, she literally wore sweats and sneakers to the VMAs, which is a level of laziness I aspire to achieve someday. Usually, I’d give this type of behavior a free pass, but Alessia wore a plain black choker with Adidas Superstars, which are two trends that the Tumblr teens have totally killed. She also wore some sweatpants that kind of look like gauchos. *Googles what year it is* Like, girl, you won an award. Have a little self-respect.
Lorde
I. Wow. I’m gonna go book a doctor’s appointment, because I think this outfit gave me an aneurysm. On top you’ve got some party tinfoil ensemble and then on bottom you’ve got sweatpants? It’s like Lorde started making this outfit for the Project Runway unconventional materials challenge and then just ran out of time. If those sweatpants weren’t bad enough, she paired them with Adidas superstars. It’s crazy meets lazy meets basic, and it’s all around bad.
Demi Lovato
I don’t even know where to go with this one. Do I make a joke about the upcoming live action Aladdin movie, or do I take the ninja route? I’m a huge fan of jumpsuits, but this one is brutal. I’m actually v here for the top part because I have daddy issues slutty is my aesthetic, but then they had to go and ruin it with some sequined MC Hammer pants. And then Demi paired this all with some librarian heels. What makes this outfit especially tragic is that Demi’s hair and makeup are fire, and “No Promises” is my current jam. I really wanted to see her succeed. I was rooting for you, Demi. We were all rooting for you!
Gabbie Hanna
I don’t think that someone we vaguely remember from when Vine was a thing counts as a “poorly dressed celebrity,” but this dress sucks, so I’m going to add it to the list anyway. All it’s missing are pin stripes and then this would be a Sexy Lady Gangster costume from Spirit Halloween.
Katy Perry
If you can look past the creepy fake baby Katy has strapped to her chest, you can appreciate the full horror of this dress. This isn’t The Hangover, put Carlos to bed. Anyway, Katy looks like a member of Mugatu’s squad, or like Princess Anastasia gone wrong (Google it, you’ll know what I’m talking about). Honestly, I’m pretty shocked that her outfits for the night weren’t worse than they were. I had low expectations.
Mel B
Anyone know why Scary Spice showed up with a “I need to talk to your manager” haircut and a giant eyeball over her ass? I feel like she got high and watched The Secret right before getting dressed and all she could do was mumble shit about her “third eye” to her stylist and this is what they came up with.
