The Worst Couple Names I'm Horrified To Learn People Call Their S.O.

I never really got why people used nicknames for their SO. Like, we were all given names when we were born, are those not good enough? Regardless, there are some really bad couple names out there. I always thought names that related to food or being a child were the worst couple names one could call their SO, but boy was I wrong. After researching for this article, I found that there are some really weird af people out there who call their SOs some ridiculous names.

Exhibit A:

Hey Cuddles

1. Vagitarian, Boobarella, Tits, Meat Blanket, Or Any Name Related To Their Nether Regions

IMO, any nickname that specifically references to yours or your partner’s nether regions is definitely at the top of the worst couple names EVER. Unless you are waiting until marriage (why…?), we know you f*ck, you don’t need to make it public (*cough* Pete and Ariana). Also, is your SO just their vagina or penis? Because if not, use a different nickname.

2. Poopsie

It’s been almost three years and I still don’t sh*t in front of my boyfriend—like hell I’d call him a name related to it. How is this remotely romantic? If you are into dirty Sanchez-ing, then this horrifying couple name is exclusively for your use.

3. Mommy or Daddy

I’m going to assume that the people who use these nicknames are not actually dating their parent because that would be, like, a crime, yes? If calling your SO “daddy” is your way of being submissive to him, then look into bondage.


4. The Ol’ Ball and Chain

We all know those couples who are the definition of this worst couple name. I prefer the term “whipped,” but to each their own. If you hear your boyfriend call your relationship this with his buddies, it’s a sign you should end the relationship pronto. Then go look for someone who is way less sexist.

Images: Alice Arinari / Unsplash; Giphy (2)

Carrie Betchshaw
Carrie Betchshaw
I'm just a regular 'ol Toronto gal who just so happens to publically write about her sex life online.