In case you haven’t noticed, it’s engagement season. You’re actually not just imagining it; the flood of “I said yes!” photos on your newsfeed really has increased. Most people get engaged between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day, which is probably due to the fact that guys like to propose on holidays because they a) can’t think of a better gift idea and b) are too stupid to remember important dates. This basically means that newly engaged people are flocking to Pinterest and Instagram to start looking for ridiculous ways to outdo everyone else’s wedding. Anyway, one of the most recent wedding trends is worse than all of the chalkboard paint Mason jars in the world put together. People are literally having wild animals at their weddings. On purpose.
As if having every relevant person in your life in the same room at the same time doesn’t feel like enough of a potential disaster for you, the wedding industry is like “hey, don’t you want to add wild animals to the mix?” And like, these aren’t cute puppies or animals that have a reputation of being snuggly or well-behaved. It’s literally the spitters of the animal kingdom, like alpacas and giraffes.
Next up on #TakeoverTuesday with @cakeandpunch_: “Can you imagine anything more magical than a giraffe at your bridal shower?! How about matching flower crowns for you both! We loved creating these beautiful flower crowns for the bride and Stanley the Giraffe. It completed the Flower Child Bridal Shower that we planned so perfectly.” #theknot : @mink_photography l Creative Design & Florals: @cakeandpunch_ l Venue: @malibuwines
I guess having a llama or whatever at your wedding is kind of funny, in a Napoleon Dynamite way. If you’re into that. (But I should remind you that movie came out 14 years ago.) I just feel like personally, I wouldn’t want to run the risk of associating the most strategically planned day of my life with the smell and excrement of farm animals.
We’re still Alpaca Lovin’ this feature! Do you want an alpaca at your wedding? _________________________________ – @kayenglishphotography #newjerseybride #njbride #alpaca #alpacawedding #love #springsummer2018 #newissue #coverstory #bride #wedding #weddingdress #weddinggown #weddinggoals #weddinginspo #weddingalpaca
Apparently, this isn’t even really a new trend. Wedding llamas have been available for rent for awhile, because every day we stray further from God’s light. However, there have been way more hooves in the wedding section of Pinterest recently, to the point where it’s alarming.
So, yeah. This is a thing, and it needs to stop. Can’t everyone just go back to Snapchat geofilters? Flower crowns? I don’t care what you do at this point, as long as there is zero chance of me accidentally stepping in a pile of shit at your wedding. Besides, everyone knows all you need for a decent wedding is an open bar.
Images: The Knot, New Jersey Bride, WeddingLlamas / Instagram