I like to consider myself an independent woman (also see: “bad ass boss bitch”). I pay my own bills, take care of myself, and love telling men “no.” But inside the bedroom? Well, let’s just say it’s a whole different story. And if you’ve seen the trailer for the new movie Babygirl, you’ll know that this is basically a universal experience. Another universal experience? Melting at the last scene of the trailer when Harris Dickinson calls Nicole Kidman a “good girl.” Did it suddenly become 10 degrees hotter?
Even though, no, I am not the CEO of a very big, important company like Nicole’s character, the sentiment is the same: powerful women pretty much always like to be dominated in the bedroom. But it’s not just a coincidence. Clinical psychologist Dr. Holly Schiff tells Betches that powerful women enjoy this role reversal in bed because it feels liberating to surrender control when they’re so used to controlling everything all the time.
Why Do Powerful Women Like To Be Dominated In Bed?
“They are so used to taking charge, making decisions and calling the shots,” Dr. Schiff says. “It is refreshing and allows them to explore being vulnerable in a safe, intimate way while creating a thrilling, exciting contrast.”
She explains that this relinquishing of control also acts as a form of escapism because they get more of a chance to explore their identity outside of the person that has everyday responsibilities and an in-control role to play.
That all makes sense, but what is it exactly about the whole “good girl” thing that drives women (me included) absolutely nuts?
Why Is Being Called A ‘Good Girl’ So Hot?
Dr. Schiff explains that it’s pretty basic — it’s a form of positive reinforcement. It makes you feel validated and approved. Being told that you are “behaving well” can also help you create more closeness and intimacy with your partner.
“Embracing this label and being somewhat submissive in a way can actually feel empowering,” she says. “You are able to let go of control in a safe way and enjoy the dynamic.” Plus, it kind of takes you to a very primal place. You hear someone (who you’re attracted to) call you a “good girl” and suddenly you want to tie your hair and drop to your knees— Oh sorry, I meant, you feel nurtured, cherished, and cared for.
But let’s remember who we’re talking to, fellas. Being called a “good girl” in bed by someone you want to fuck? Super hot. Being called a “good girl” by that weirdo on the street who catcalls you? A threat.
