First, there were the golden retriever boyfriends then the rodent men — Jeremy Allen White, Barry Keoghan, Timothée Chalamet— and now there are frog princes.
While I do agree Barry Keoghan does kind of look like a rat in the most flattering way, Harry Styles’ eyes are spaced apart enough for him to resemble a handsome frog, and Travis Kelce has that golden retriever energy that you want in a boyfriend… But what happened to hunks? Heartthrobs with striking features, chiseled statuesque bodies, and symmetrical beauty — undoubtedly attractive regardless of your type. People just shared who’s in the running for this year’s Sexiest Man – and really? The pickings were so slim they had to add Kevin Bacon again. Didn’t he win this already, like in the 80s?
Remember when “men are dogs” was not a good thing? And the only rat we adored was the pizza one? Also, the saying goes, “You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince,” not “your prince is a frog.” What happened to the good ol’ fashioned hunk? Here’s an official plea to stop this madness.
Who Is A “Frog Prince?”
Edward Bluemel of My Lady Jane is considered the poster frog prince for his wide-set eyes and unusual features that make his hotness… debatable.
“The frog prince is a sexy genre of man whose eyes are quite wide set and his smile errs on the goofy side with strong smile lines on his cheeks,” writes Laura Masia for Pedestrian Magazine. “It differs from the narrow aesthetic of rat boyfriends and the traditional, symmetrical beauty of a hunk.” Other examples include Rami Malek, Dominic Cooper, Bradley Cooper, and Harry Styles.
Before hot rodent boyfriends and frog princes, there was the Golden Retriever Boyfriend, who, like the breed, is loyal, happy-go-lucky, needs constant stimulation, and can’t wait for you to come home. Think Mr. Taylor Swift (Travis Kelce), Mr. Kelsea Ballerini (Chase Stokes), and Mr. Zendaya (Tom Holland). Not to be confused with Rottweiler Boyfriends, who are more socially standoffish but secret sweeties. German Shepard SOs who are sweet and loyal but can get aggressive when protection is needed. Or Doberman BFs, the strong, silent, protective, but proud type. And finally, Borzoi Boyfriends — aloof, a little awkward, but respectful and intelligent. (Would love PETA’s thoughts on this.)
Are we comparing eligible men to dogs, rats, and frogs because that makes them more attainable? Perhaps, but then, do we really think the guy who dated Kylie Jenner, Sabrina Carpenter, Gigi Hadid, and Taylor Swift is a normie? Or are [insert animal here] boyfriends a way of negging men? And here I thought we ditched negative feedback as a seduction tactic along with peacocking, non-ironic fedoras, and The Pick-up Artist.
What Happened To The Good Ol’ Fashioned Hunk?
Growing up, the only animal we’d compare a hottie with a body to was a strapping stallion. From old Hollywood stars like Paul Newman, Marlon Brando, and James Dean to our childhood celebrity crushes — Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Freddie Prinze Jr., Erik von Detten — who made us melt and not squint at their debatable good looks, we ripped their pictures out of the pages of BOP and Tiger Beat Magazine to wallpaper our bunk beds and lockers. All three-name titans who we knew we didn’t stand a chance with. Isn’t that the definition of dreamy? A crush you can only have in your dreams?
Maybe millennials feel betrayed by hunks like Leonardo DiCaprio who we grew up wishing one day we’d be old enough to date — only to realize now we are too old for him. Or the reason we want boyfriends with the personality of a dog is because dogs are loyal. In a world of ghosting and situationships, we just want someone who will text us back and show us they missed us. Perhaps that’s the problem with studs, they’re triggering because they look like they’re going to break our hearts. So, we prefer to romanticize the guy with a safer face.
At the end of the day, these rats, frogs, and dogs are our men. And Leonardo DiCaprio never will be.
