Thanksgiving is just a few days away, and I’ve already scheduled my workout classes for the next month in order to account for the 15,000 calories I plan to consume. I’ve also started tearing up my closet as I begin to plan my perfect Thanksgiving outfit. You see, on the surface, what you wear to Thanksgiving dinner may seem trivial. But in fact, the outfit you choose to wear is actually extremely crucial to whether you have a pleasant Thanksgiving or a straight-up unbearable one. This is because your Thanksgiving outfit says a lot about who you are, and signals to your family members how you’re doing in life (aka whether you have your sh*t together or not). For example, if you choose to show up in sweats, then you’re going to get a lot more judgement over still not having a boyfriend and as to whether or not you’re truly “putting yourself out there enough” than you would if you show up in a sweater and jeans. So, in preparation for your family’s undeserving yet totally expected judgment of your life, here’s a review of what each of your possible Thanksgiving outfit says about you.
1. Sweats, Unbrushed Hair, And Slippers
Sooo I already touched on this “look” a little, but let’s dive a little deeper. As much as you may want to just throw on sweats because you’re still super hungover from Thanksgiving Eve, it’s best not to. Whether you love your family or can’t stand them, they’re going to be totally judging you and your sweats ensemble, and I can guarantee it won’t be in a positive light. Your parents are going to resent you when they’re repeatedly asked “if you’re doing okay.” Followed by snide comments about how that Comm degree really isn’t working out and whether or not you actually have any plans to move out soon. Truly, I think you’re better off just not even showing up to dinner than attending in your “idgaf” outfit.
2. Last Night’s Makeup, Leggings, Oversize Sweater
This ~lewk~ says that you were wayyy to excited for Thanksgiving Eve and the chance to resume being your degenerate self, binge drinking with your high school besties. You clearly went full blackout mode and are suffering the consequences today. You’re totally trying to mask the fact that you’re running to the bathroom to throw up every 20 minutes by dressing slightly presentable. Unfortunately, last night’s cat-eye paired with your VS PINK leggings is a nonsensical combo and an obvious indicator that you’re nowhere close to “adulting.” Not only will you have to deal with everyone thinking you’re an immature hot mess, but you’ll simultaneously be having to explain to all the boys in your phone why you called them each 30 plus times last night. Not fun.
3. Standard Sweater, Plain Jeans, And Flat-Heeled Boots
You’re doing just fine, and have nothing exciting to report. When your great aunt asks, “whats new?” you can confidently say, “oh nothing, same-old, same-old.” Basically, this choice outfit lets everyone know that you have your sh*t together but you’re not exactly thriving. In fact, your life is pretty boring right now, so you legit have nothing to talk about. Meaning, those small talk convos won’t last more than five minutes and you’ll have plenty of free time to frequent the bar for a few more glasses of wine. Sounds good to me.
4. Stylish Blouse, Faux Fur Vest, Flare Jeans, And Heeled Booties
You’ve got your sh*t together and are simply living your best life. Sure, you went out last night just like your #NeverGraduating cousin but, unlike her, you had a casual three drinks. You left the bar around midnight, went home, washed all your makeup off, and snuggled into bed to watch a few episodes of Grey’s Anatomy before falling asleep. Job is good, life is good, and your family will all say you “seem like you’re doing well.” And they’re right, cause you motherf*ckin’ are. Pop the champagne because you wore the perfect Thanksgiving outfit.
5. Full Face Of Makeup, Bodycon Dress, High Heels
Showing up to Thanksgiving in a bodycon, because you actually chose to wear a bodycon and not because you stayed over some boy’s house the night before, screams over-the-top. This is Thanksgiving dinner, not your sorority fall formal so like, wtf are you wearing??? It’s obvious you’re wearing that super tight dress so everyone will tell you how good you look and you can brag about your Keto diet. You’re trying to prove something with this look but trust me, it ain’t working. The only thing you’re proving to your family members is that you are mentally unstable and have been watching way too many episodes of the Real Housewives of OC. Go back to your closet and try again.
As Rachel Zoe once said, “Style is a way to say who you are without having to speak.” This same inspirational quote applies to your Thanksgiving outfit. Don’t make your Thanksgiving harder than it needs to be. Instead, actually enjoy stuffing your face in peace this holiday by wearing the right outfit.
Images: GIPHY (3); @kchance8 / Unsplash