Just when you thought we’d maxed out on relationship labels, or categories for our sexuality, along comes “symbiosexuality.” If you’ve ever found yourself getting a little too invested in the vibe of a couple rather than just one person, you might be onto something. This attraction isn’t about wanting either individual or even about polyamory — it’s all about the unique energy between two people. Sooo kind of like how we all feel about Tom and Zendaya. (Don’t lie!)
Confused? Let’s break down what is symbiosexuality.
What Is Symbiosexuality?
In simple terms, symbiosexuality is an attraction to couples — whether it’s the couple’s level of commitment, their secure attachment styles, or even just how effortlessly they riff off each other. (*Side eye to Donkey*) It’s about being turned on by the dynamic between two people in a committed relationship, according to relationship expert Dr. Wendy Walsh from DatingAdvice. For some, it’s a “power couple” effect, where the couple’s confidence and connection create a magnetic pull. And for others, it’s simply that the duo looks good together.
But here’s the thing: this isn’t about wanting to join the couple (at least not in the traditional sense). Symbiosexuals aren’t necessarily seeking a threesome or a throuple dynamic — they’re captivated by the couple as a unit. It’s about that unique, almost mystical energy that two people create together, which can be more alluring than the individuals themselves.
How Is Symbiosexuality Different Than Polyamory?
The biggest distinction between symbiosexuality and polyamory is that polyamory usually involves a consensual, romantic relationship between three or more people, where everyone’s emotionally or romantically engaged. Symbiosexuality, on the other hand, is more of a one-sided fascination with the couple’s chemistry rather than a mutual relationship.
“Symbiosexuals are drawn to the energy of the couple rather than an individual,” Dr. Walsh says. “They might not even be interested in one-on-one relationships with either partner.” It’s like having a crush on the vibe that two people create together without wanting to break them up or join in officially. This can make things a little tricky, though, as couples might mistakenly interpret the attraction as a request to open up their relationship — when in reality, it’s just about admiring their connection.
It’s worth noting that Dr. Walsh suspects symbiosexuality could be rooted in an anxious attachment in future research. “Couples’ security and mutual support might feel elusive to the observer, causing anxiety that manifests as attraction.” So, that swoon-worthy couple might actually be a trigger for longing rather than pure admiration.
“Am I Symbiosexual?”
Do you ever find yourself fantasizing more about the couple together than about either individual? Do you feel a certain thrill when you see them riffing off each other or enjoying their shared energy? You might just fall under the symbiosexual umbrella.
Almost 40% of respondents of a 2023 Pleasure Study survey expressed an attraction to couples. Primarily were queer and/or non-monogamous, but many noted that this attraction was unexpected, something they hadn’t consciously experienced before.
As Dr. Walsh points out, while symbiosexuality reflects the wide variety of human attraction, healthy relationships are built on some level of reciprocity. Symbiosexual attraction doesn’t offer that, which might leave the admiring party feeling a little out in the cold if the couple isn’t interested. Plus, the couple may be a little confused or feel like they’re being asked to open up their relationship when, really, it’s just a one-sided infatuation with their dynamic.
