The wait is over. The chaos has ended. It’s time to unclench your jaw and put away your theories, because America’s favorite corporate Kardashians have finally left the building. Like all good things, Succession has come to an end.
Who’s to say who the winners (Tom) and losers (everyone else, kind of) were? After four seasons of treachery, backstabbing, and increasingly unintelligible business jargon, Waystar Royco has a new CEO and our small window into the lives of the rich and deplorable is closing forever.
Or is it?
You might be wondering what became of your favorite Succession characters after the credits started rolling. Maybe you were waiting for descriptions of each character’s fate to appear in white text on a black screen like in some sort of biopic?
Well, you’re in luck. According to my sources (my imagination), here’s what happened to the colorful characters of Succession after the finale.
KENDALL ROY
It’s being reported that Jeremy Strong “spontaneously tried to jump into the river” while filming the final scene, claiming he thought Kendall “wanted to die.” And given his years of almost disturbingly disciplined method acting, it would be kind of rude of me not to agree with him.
So yes, after the events of the finale, Kendall Roy threw himself into the Hudson. Fortunately, Colin was right on his tail and fished him out like a soggy Coney Island hot dog. After a brief (four-month) inpatient treatment for “excessive stress,” Kendall founded his “high-visibility, execution-dependent disrupter news brand,” The Hundred. It’s doing fine.
ROMAN ROY
No one has heard much from Roman Roy since the Gojo deal went through, with the exception of one controversial appearance on The Joe Rogan Experience. Some sources report that he moved full-time to his mother’s island estate, while others claim he is traveling the world by yacht with former employee Gerri Kellman.
SHIV ROY
Shiv Roy attempted (unsuccessfully) to return to politics, but found her association with husband Tom Wambsgans put her at odds with most of the liberal politicians she hoped to work with. She is an extremely active member of the Waystar board and a somewhat less active mother to her child, Logan Roy-Wambsgans II.
TOM WAMBSGANS
Tom Wambsgans became one of the most powerful men in America and a close confidant of President Jeryd Mencken, who went on to enact a series of historically unpopular policy decisions that nearly collapsed the United States economy. In his recent memoir Boar on the Floor, Wambsgans cited his success to his “loving wife Siobhan, whose support has never once wavered.”
GREG HIRSCH
Greg Hirsch is currently serving three years in federal prison for aggravated tax fraud.
CONNOR AND WILLA
Connor Roy and Willa Ferreyra split their time between New York City, New Mexico, and Ljubljana, Slovenia. Ferreyra has been tapped by Waystar Studios to co-write the upcoming screen adaptation of Ottessa Moshfegh’s My Year of Rest and Relaxation.
JESS JORDAN
After leaving Waystar Royco, Jess Jordan was accepted to Harvard University, where she is currently pursuing a Master of Public Policy with a concentration in Comparative Politics. Given the absence of a non-disparagement clause in her termination agreement, she has become an outspoken critic of ATN.
KERRY CASTELLABATE
After several unsuccessful bids for an on-camera slot at ATN, Kerry Castellabate became a star content creator for the conservative nonprofit PragerU. Sources report that she has a standing monthly lunch with Marcia Roy.
LUKAS MATSSON
Not long after his acquisition of Waystar Royco, Lukas Matsson became the face of the #MeToo movement in his native Sweden following the publication of a scathing exposé by former GoJo Director of Communications Ebba. GoJo’s stock prices are in steep decline, and several journalists have reported receiving “concerning” packages containing what appear to be frozen bricks of Matsson’s blood.
