Welcome To Taurus Season: Weekly Horoscopes April 20-24

Time to sink into the warm bubble bath that is Taurus season! Don’t ask how much the bath bombs cost. Taurus season is a time for creature comforts, luxury, and self-care. And lucky for all of us, Taurus loves nothing more than sitting in their comfy-ass house, wearing comfy-ass clothes, and eating good-ass food. Just make sure to hide some of your stimulus check before you end up spending it on Korean skincare instead of rent.


With Taurus in your second house of cash monayyy you should have no problem putting your government check to use. No matter what your financial situation is right now, the Sun in Taurus makes this the perfect time to plan out your financial future. Even if your financial present involves ramen for breakfast and an overdrawn checking account.


Happy birthday to you! Finally the rest of the world is getting on your luxurious, comfy level. This is a time for new beginnings, meaning the next month will be all about embracing the new normal. You’re not one who typically likes to change up the routine, but considering nobody has any clue what the f*ck “normal” will be for at least a year, you might as well get out of your comfort zone. While maintaining a six foot distance from anyone else, of course.


Taurus season (and social distancing rules) is asking you to slow it way, way down for a while and embrace a time of restful hibernation. Weren’t you *just* saying how much you wished you could sleep all day? Not will you be physically inside, but the Sun in Taurus has you looking inside emotionally, focusing on your relationship with yourself instead of your relationship with others. Kind of the perfect time for it, tbh.


Taurus is igniting your tech-savvy side, as well as your ability to communicate, so bring on the Zoom calls! Don’t be afraid to start leaning into this new virtual world of ours by experimenting with new methods of communication and making existing ones as good as they can be. Buy a ring light! Download some funny Zoom backgrounds! Start going live on Insta for like, one person! There are no rules!


Spotlight-loving Leos may have had a hard time transitioning to our new socially isolated life, but Taurus season is here to fix all that. A newfound excitement for your career will help you start to feel better about the work from home lifestyle and embrace the new normal. Even if you do miss the thrill of being the funniest person at your office happy hours.


Lucky you, Virgo! Taurus season is giving you the strength and perseverance you need to work through any hardships you are facing right now. Though we can’t possibly imagine what those could be. Between Taurus’ hardworking nature and Virgo’s on-top-of-their-sh*ttedness, Taurus season can only mean one thing for you: world domination by June.


Sensual Taurus is bringing the heat to your love life, Libra, whether you’re able to act on it or not. Those who are lucky enough to be quarantining with a partner will see a lot of increased *ahem* physical activity to stave off the quarantine 15. The rest of us will have to settle for taking another set of nudes and hoping to God someone comes along that is worthy enough to receive them.


Taurus season has you deepening a bond with a loved one, whether they be your quarantine buddy or just your favorite FaceTime friend (say that five times fast). You’ll feel a lot of strength in your partnerships this week, prioritizing one-on-one convos over Zoom chats with sixteen people where everyone just screams over each other for an hour. Can’t imagine why you don’t like those.


Taurus is all about self-care, and Taurus season has you taking your pampering rituals to the next level. Hair masks, face masks, foot masks—basically any f*cking thing you can think to put a mask on—are all in your future. Just check with your roommate before running the hot water so long it turns the bathroom into a literal steam room for your home spa day.


Taurus season has you feeling flirty as f*ck, which can only mean one thing: thirst traps. We may not be able to head out to the bar in our cutest outfits and try to score free drinks from the bartender, but we can still take mirror selfies in our cutest outfits and try to score free likes from bartenders who followed you in college. Don’t be afraid to spice it up on social media this week. And no judgment if you end up on OnlyFans.


Taurus season has you focusing on yourself and your needs this week, so don’t be afraid to fly solo for a little while. You’re going to be wanting a lot of alone time which, depending on your quarantine situation, could be either very easy or difficult to come by. No matter your situation, schedule some meaningful “me time” into your week, even if it means telling your roommate they’re just gonna have to hold their pee for an hour while you’re in the bath.


Taurus is electrifying all of your relationships, and you may find yourself coming out of quarantine with stronger friendships than when you went in. Keep reaching out to old and new friends alike and build your support system. They’ll come in handy two weeks from now when you start hallucinating about going to the bar again.

Images: Giphy (12)

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.