Put The 'Ho' In Holidays: Weekend Horoscopes for December 14-16

It’s practically a perfect weekend to get your Ho Ho Ho on. The Moon moves into Aries on Saturday, making things fun and festive for most signs—leaving the house won’t be a total bust even if it’s cold AF outside. Let your year-end worries and stress just wash away with every sip of your vodka (sugar-free) cran. Cheers, betch. Here are your weekend horoscopes for December 14-16:


Your weekend horoscope calls for some accurate self-evaluation. It might be time to refocus your ambition into something more manageable. Losing 20 pounds this weekend and getting asked out by a celebrity are fine aspirations, but they’re probably not going to happen. Set your sights on something more realistic, like having a Hinge conversation where the guy doesn’t ask for nudes in the first 10 messages.


This is your weekend to drop the grudges you’ve been holding all year. You don’t want to take any negative sh*t into 2019. This weekend, mend fences by offering to buy your annoying coworker a drink at the cash bar at the company party. Sure, she screwed you over by saying she would cover for you and then couldn’t at the last second because her cousin’s dog groomer was in town for a surprise visit, but it’s probably time to let bygones be bygones. But, like, don’t go out of your way to do her any favors ever again. You forgive, but you don’t forget.


Hold back on releasing your big secret until after the weekend. Things get more complicated when everyone else wants to add their two cents to your business. It might not be the best time to take your current fling to your family’s holiday party. Likewise, telling others about your big move or job promotion or career change might not go as smoothly this weekend as it would if you waited just a bit. Let the secretive side of your personality dominate for once.


It’s time for you to get outside your comfort zone. This weekend’s horoscope calls for you to stop being such a snooze-fest, and add a little more adventure and intrigue to whatever you do. If things are cold in the bedroom, try one of those ridiculous positions you saw one time in Cosmo but never had the nerve to try. Make your friends a new recipe from Chrissy Teigen’s cookbook or some shit. Crush winter boredom with a new hobby. IDK man, life is too short to be boring.


The Aries Moon on Saturday can lead to a lot of fun. Have drinks, go out with your friends, order too much takeout. Just keep things light and as drama-free as possible, because Jupiter’s influence on you Sunday makes it harder to not clap back. Try to curb the urge to comment on your ex’s new girlfriend’s Instagram pictures, or sub-tweet or whatever other petty sh*t you can come up with to do. Drink some tea or take a bath or hold a plank or something productive when you feel the urge to be a nasty skank Grinch.


This weekend, do not let someone else talk you out of your plans. Sure, there might be three feet of snow outside, but that’s not going to stop you from getting your ass to the bar. Maybe your boyfriend wants you to skip Christmas Eve with your family to have dinner with his. Yeah, right. Like you’re going to miss out on your grandparents slipping you cash while you get drunk with your mom in exchange for enduring awkward dinner conversation while you hold in gas. No thanks.


Spiritual Neptune energizes your work and money zones this weekend. No one’s saying you’re going to do actual work this weekend—God, no. Instead, you’ll be enlightened to realize the true value of things. Is it really worth it to spend your precious time in a gray cubicle when you could be starting an Instagram marketing business or Etsy shop or super successful fashion blog? Probably, because there has to be someone in the world with health insurance. Anyway, this weekend, your head will clear and your true path and priorities will be more apparent.


You’ve done a great job of remembering that the holidays were coming up and saving your money so you could actually afford decent gifts this year. Good on you. Sure, you could blow your nest egg on some lavish presents or a night out or one of those insane faux fur coats all the bloggers are wearing right now. Instead, you should just continue to pretend to be poor. Buy some decent gifts for friends and family so you don’t seem cheap, and then keep saving the rest so you start 2019 with some cash in the bank and zero anxiety.


The Sun is still in your sign so you’re still being #blessed with good vibes, lots of attention, and general well-being. You’re also feeling more self-confident and sure of who you are. That’s really great for you, but it can be frustrating for those around you who want you to fit a different script. Some fake friends might feel insecure when you start to get noticed for your individuality and try to put you down for being yourself. Screw ’em.


The Sun hiding in your chart (this always happens before your birthday) makes you more tired than usual. It’s time to reset the clock before your personal year begins. Take naps this weekend, and skip the 8am SoulCycle class in favor of the noon class and two more hours of sleep. Check in with your friends and family members with actual phone calls. Since no one does it anymore, you’ll seem really sweet for calling and your grandma will probably give you more money for it in her Christmas card.


The Aries Moon really puts you in a party mood. Basically, you’re making fun and games a priority all weekend. Anyone who is going to bring down your mood whatsoever needs to be muted for the weekend, including your whiny, high-maintenance friends. In fact, it’s probably best that you ignore your phone altogether. If you’re on your phone, it probably means that you aren’t having as much fun as you should. Be present and don’t be lame.


Keep your sh*t together this weekend. You work really hard to maintain an air of sophistication and class, at least most of the time. Don’t let your Pisces weirdness come out this weekend and ruin it all. Usually, the best advice is to just be yourself. This is not a weekend where you should take that advice. Think before you speak, and also feel out the situation before you do anything detrimental to you reputation. So, yeah, keep the obscure references to a minimum.

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