Planets Have Feelings Too: Weekend Horoscopes August 7-9

The summer of COVID continues. What does everyone have next on their sheets for 2020 Bingo? Looks like Chinese killer seeds are in the lead, but Bachelorette shakeup is pulling to the front, too! Gosh, this is the year that just keeps on giving.

Speaking of giving, the stars and planets have some *feelings* this weekend. Whether it’s copious amounts of energy or emotional rollercoasters, everyone’s in for a super duper August and Leo-tastic Saturday and Sunday. Shall we?


Treat yourself, Leo. If you can hang out in the outside world safely, do that all weekend. After work on Friday, pour yourself a glass of whatever makes you happiest and sit outdoors (without your phone). Saturday is for trying new things, so maybe explore that whole hiking fad, or watch a Peloton video (and maybe attempt to do the workout, too). Whatever, just do sh*t that’s gonna make you happy.


It’s all about connection this weekend, Virgo. You’ll be all about indulging in some sexy time, so go ahead and get weird with your S.O. on Friday night. If you’re single, Mercury and Leo are teaming up so you can build on new relationships, so say yes to that date—even if it is via FaceTime. Communication promises to flow easily, thank god.


Passion is the name of the game this weekend, Libra. It could go super well, with deep connection, intimacy, and a #lit Friday night. It could also lead to giant screaming matches, so, there’s that. Either way, just go with the flow and don’t try to force things. If you get pissed, walk away and take some time for yourself. By Sunday you’ll be feeling a lot more even.


Time to examine your lifestyle and habits, Scorpio. If you’ve been looking for a sign to start an exercise routine, rehab your skin care, or take up meditation, it’s your f*cking moment. If you just can’t wrap your head around another self-help project, then at least use Saturday to go for a long walk or a make meal that’s semi-healthy. It’ll make you feel better, promise.


You’re a barrel of laughs and a ball of sunshine this weekend, Sagittarius. Get creative and color a picture or jump in a puddle or binge something interesting on Netflix. Use Saturday to tend to your nest in a way that makes you excited. Like, order a new rug or vacuum under the couch. That always makes me excited.


Hooray for anxiety, Capricorn. You may find yourself tossing and turning, dreaming about weird sh*t, and on the verge of a panic attack. We recommend trashy TV, a glass of wine, and a call with mom (or a bestie). Take some deep breaths. Get outdoors on Saturday and order takeout from your fav local joint while avoiding the news.


The stars want you to travel this weekend, Aquarius, so if you can do so responsibly, hop in your car with your S.O. and head somewhere remote for a picnic on Saturday. Sunday is for relaxing, staying off of your work email, and examining your budget. Maybe with a little discipline (like, not shopping every Free People sale) you can upgrade your apartment or buy a new car or some fancy new loungewear.


Check on your finances this weekend, Pisces. You’ll be tempted to treat yourself and spend, but it’s better to indulge in experiences (the cheap kind) Saturday and Sunday. Go for a jog with a friend, watch a new documentary, or just sleep in. It’s not like you can safely get a mani-pedi-massage these days anyway.


The glass is half full, the glass is half empty, the glass is going to f*cking explode this weekend, Aries. You’re gonna have, like, a lot of energy, so as soon as work lets out on Friday go for a run, hike a mile (or six) uphill, or have a marathon phone chat with your mom. Saturday the energy continues, so head outdoors if the weather allows and enjoy laying in the sunshine. Try to chill out by Sunday, though, or else you’ll never be able to work on Monday.


Listen to your gut, Taurus. Sometimes it tells you that, yes, you need that extra slice of pizza, but this weekend your gut will have more important sh*t to say. Use Saturday to lay around and nap. If you see any friends (while social distancing), get their take on your current relationship issues. They may have a perspective you haven’t thought about before.


Step outside your comfort zone this weekend, Gemini. You may have settled in to your quarantine routine (quaranroutine?), but use Saturday to explore outdoor and volunteer options to shake things up a bit. Maybe there’s a doggo that needs a friend at the shelter? Sounds like a cuddly plan. Sunday is for wine and friends, so whether you social distance at an outdoor spot or video chat while re-watching Bachelorette episodes, make time for your betches.


Take some time for yourself, Cancer. You’re going to feel emotional and like a big pile of pissy PMS, so warn your friends and fam. Ply yourself with coffee, red wine, and whatever takeout makes your feel warm and fuzzy. Some time outside of the house may do you some good, too, so pop open a beach chair on your patio and sit outside in your sweats.

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Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson