Live Your Truth: Weekend Horoscopes March 30 -April 1

This has been a long ass week. You’re tired. You’re inexplicably mad. Your attention spans are short, your patience shorter. Today is just a long-winded countdown to one thing: happy hour. We know this, we understand, and we love you for it. In light of that, we’ve made your weekend horoscopes easier to digest than usual. Who needs a paragraph when 17 syllables can tell you everything you need to know? Brevity is the soul of wit, which is something you’ll probably need to remind at least three coworkers of today when they inevitably try to talk to you about anything work related. Ignore them and read all about what the next two days have in store for you, in haiku form. Namaste, betches.


Yes, try-hards do suck,

But apathy can be worse.

Try being human.


Stubborn as a bull?

Damn straight. Stand your ground, Taurus.

Conviction is hot.


You deserve the world.

This weekend is your oyster.

Live it up, sweetie.


Drama can be fun

But your life isn’t that hard

Please calm the fuck down.


Live your truth, Leo.

Tell people how you feel and

See what happens next.


It can be hard to

Be honest with yourself but

Don’t live in a lie.


Vodka. Whiskey. Wine.

The order doesn’t matter.

You deserve to drink them all.


It may not seem it,

But you’re appreciated

More than words can say.


You have emotions.

Accepting is the first step.

Try expressing them.


A closed door does not

Always mean a dead end. Look

Out for the window.


Hey. Yeah, you. Listen up.

Who do you think you are, bitch?

Stop spending money.


You’ve done the hard part.

You know what has to come next.

After that? Freedom.
Images: Noah Buscher / Unsplash; Giphy (6)

Mary Kate Fotch
Mary Kate Fotch
Mary Kate recently moved to Amsterdam, where she spends a good chunk of her time trying to not die on a bike. She was forced to develop a sense of humor at an early age for many reasons, not the least of which being that she grew up with the name Mary Kate during the Olsen twin era. Follow her on Instagram if you're interested almost exclusively in Huji edits or stories about her overweight cat.