This has been a long ass week. You’re tired. You’re inexplicably mad. Your attention spans are short, your patience shorter. Today is just a long-winded countdown to one thing: happy hour. We know this, we understand, and we love you for it. In light of that, we’ve made your weekend horoscopes easier to digest than usual. Who needs a paragraph when 17 syllables can tell you everything you need to know? Brevity is the soul of wit, which is something you’ll probably need to remind at least three coworkers of today when they inevitably try to talk to you about anything work related. Ignore them and read all about what the next two days have in store for you, in haiku form. Namaste, betches.
Aries
Yes, try-hards do suck,
But apathy can be worse.
Try being human.
Taurus
Stubborn as a bull?
Damn straight. Stand your ground, Taurus.
Conviction is hot.
Gemini
You deserve the world.
This weekend is your oyster.
Live it up, sweetie.
Cancer
Drama can be fun
But your life isn’t that hard
Please calm the fuck down.
Leo
Live your truth, Leo.
Tell people how you feel and
See what happens next.
Virgo
It can be hard to
Be honest with yourself but
Don’t live in a lie.
Libra
Vodka. Whiskey. Wine.
The order doesn’t matter.
You deserve to drink them all.
Scorpio
It may not seem it,
But you’re appreciated
More than words can say.
Sagittarius
You have emotions.
Accepting is the first step.
Try expressing them.
Capricorn
A closed door does not
Always mean a dead end. Look
Out for the window.
Aquarius
Hey. Yeah, you. Listen up.
Who do you think you are, bitch?
Stop spending money.
Pisces
You’ve done the hard part.
You know what has to come next.
After that? Freedom.
Images: Noah Buscher / Unsplash; Giphy (6)
