The Week Of Realizing Things: Weekly Horoscopes July 13-17

If you were looking for an excuse to skip work this week, maybe the planets can help out. It’s probably a better mental exercise to throw out your phone, stop looking at the internet, and just sit quietly on your patio until everyone wears a mask, Trump stops tweeting and the Karens of the world crawl back into their Live Laugh Love-adorned homes. If that isn’t an option, though, and you still need to pretend to be a functioning member of society, allow the universe to provide some vague clues as to what’s in store.


Get ready for the emo feels, Cancer. The moon, your ruler, is taking you on a rollercoaster of emotions this week, so get ready to overreact to everything. Pizza didn’t reheat correctly? Breakdown. Boss unknowingly unmuted you while you farted on that Zoom call? Instant tears. Mom not answering your call while you’re bored? Anxiety attack. Oh, and be careful toward Thursday and Friday, when you’re likely to come THIIIIS close to telling your director to shove it.


The sun is making your work-life mental balance a breeze this week, Leo. Take the opportunity and tackle a work project and home DIY project that’s been sitting on your to-do list for like, a while. If work takes the wind out of your sails by Tuesday, though, it’s okay to be a little less gung-ho and tackle something easier, like making dinner for yourself instead of ordering out again. Regardless, the planets will def be on your side.


It’s all about learning this week, Virgo. Your work life may benefit from your need to soak up awesomeness and new skills this week, so make sure you’re reminding everyone what a valuable asset you are to the team. It could be as simple as learning how to Photoshop better or as difficult as mastering crystal reporting in Excel. Whatever the case, you’ll sail through this week ready to celebrate how great you are by the weekend.


The moon and Venus are in the perfect place for you to push boundaries this week, Libra, but less in a rock-the-boat way and more in a happy adventure sort of way. Like, it could be a great week to talk up your latest project with your boss and be rewarded because of it (maybe even with money!). It could also be a great opportunity to challenge your partner to try that new, kinda weird thing in bed. Sure, it’s a Wednesday night and he might be tired, but I’m pretty sure if you couch it the right way, safely exploring new frontiers shouldn’t be a hard sell.


It may be an emotionally tense week, Scorpio. Relationships may feel confusing and murky, so don’t feel bad if you and your S.O. are clashing more than usual. Like, should you have a screaming match over dishes in the sink or finding dirty, crusty socks in the couch? No, but the planets make us do weird sh*t sometimes.


Money is on the horizon this week, Sagittarius, so it’s a great time to get your spending under control and your budget in order. Try to focus on the future, and not on things you think you want right now. The end of the week will put the onus on your relationships, so get ready to feel extra connected to your loved ones (even if you can’t see them IRL ATM).


You’re going to feel a pull to get serious this week, Capricorn. It could be about your future, about a relationship, or about your career. Whatever it is, don’t be afraid to speak your mind and ask for what you want. Time that sh*t for the end of the week, though, because the moon is being a non-communicative asshole before then. F*cking planets.


Give in to the romance this week, Aquarius. Normally, the workweek doesn’t feel like the ideal time to explore intimacy, but Venus will be all about it Monday through Friday. Take time for some stimulating convos, indulging in sh*t you both enjoy, and lots of sexy time. If you’re single, use this week to explore what you’re truly looking for in a relationship. Sounds crazy, but actually understanding what you want may save you a lot of time, heartache, and sh*tty dates.


It’s all about the warm and fuzzies this week, Pisces. FaceTime your mom and recount all of your fav old family stories, or fire up the grill with dad via Zoom so he can yell at you for flipping the burgers one too many times. Connecting with those closest to you will leave you feeling refreshed and renewed as you head into the weekend.


Rewards may be on the horizon, Aries. Lean in and make the most of it, and by that we mean once your boss says “good job on that PowerPoint/staying awake on that Zoom call/putting on pants for work today,” it’s time to treat yourself with an after-office-hours margarita and some terrible TV. You earned it.


The moon and Uranus are all like, “switch it up, Taurus.” And you’re all like, “meh.” But, if you want this week to be productive, change up your routine a little. Maybe instead of hitting snooze four times before rolling into the ol’ home office, get up early two of five days for morning yoga or jogging. Or just try it once and tell everyone about it. Toward the end of the week, your foray into changing things up could actually give your romantic life a boost, too.


The COVID times have made it difficult to connect with your loved ones, Gemini, but this week you’ll feel more at peace with the current state of sh*t than usual. It could be a call with your mom or a beer with a sibling that helps break up the monotony. Whatever the case, use the emotional boost from your fam to push through and get to the f*cking weekend.

Images: Giphy (12)

Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson