In our health-crazed society, it can be easy to buy into the bullshit. Supplements somehow aren’t FDA-approved, so there is a lot of weird shit out on the market that claims it can do a bunch of stuff that it probably cannot, or it may actually be harmful. Here are the supplements should and could take, and which supplements you should run screaming from. Sorry, Instagram Models, turns out you’re not doctors. I mean, I’m not either. But like, I feel like I have better intentions here.
First, let’s start with the supplements that are legit:
If you eat a perfectly balanced diet, then you probably don’t need any kind of vitamin supplement. But like, who eats a balanced diet? Even when I’m eating healthy, I still pretty much avoid fruit because I don’t want MyFitnessPal to yell at me at my carb or sugar intake EVEN THOUGH IT’S THE GOOD KIND, YOU ASSHOLES. Like, I’d rather dedicate those carbs to bread. Anyway. Vitamins are essential for healthy body function, sickness immunity, pretty skin, pretty hair, etc. Chances are, you’re not getting enough nutrients from your diet, so if you want to take a multi-vitamin to amp up what you’re lacking, go for it. Especially if you’re like me and you never go outside for some Vitamin D, it may be worth adding a supplement.
Speaking of pretty hair, fish oil is great for your hair, skin, and nails. Less important benefits are that it lowers blood pressure, reduces triglycerides, helps arteries, and reduces the chance of heart attack and stroke. Also? Did not know what triglycerides were. Googled it. Something about cholesterol. Apparently, you’re supposed to eat fish twice a week, according to the American Heart Association, so if you don’t do that you should def get some fish oil into your diet. Some fish oil supplements are, for lack of better words, fucking disgusting, but I take these and they don’t taste like you licked a fish’s asshole. (Do fish have assholes?) Also, they match the bottle above so they look cute together.
If you don’t get enough protein in your diet because you eat bread for every meal like I do (like I know it’s bad but I cannot stop), then supplementing with protein powder is totally safe. It is always better to get your nutrients from real food, especially since protein is easy to find, but let’s say you’re
crazy a vegan, or you have no self-control like me (dammit, bagels). Protein is essential to your diet because every cell in your body needs it. You need it to repair cells and make new ones. Plus, you need even more if you work out to help muscle repair, and protein keeps you full the longest. Most protein powders are whey-based, meaning they’re essentially condensed milk and you get a lot of protein for not a lot of calories (20g/100 cal for most). Or if you’re vegan, they also have plant-based proteins which are made out of plants. Obviously. I’m assuming.
Now that you know what actually works, here are a few supplements that don’t work. You should avoid these like the plague we’re inevitably all going to get thanks to Kat Von D because she doesn’t believe in vaccines.
Weight Loss Anything
Guys. We need to talk. Weight loss is one of the simplest things in the world. It is free. The secret to weight loss is to eat less and move more. That is it. You don’t need to spend a bunch of money on weight loss products for the magic cure. Such a cure doesn’t exist. You just need to eat less, eat better, move more. Super simple—I know it’s not necessarily easy, but it IS simple. I mean, eating less sucks and I don’t want to, but conceptually this is not difficult nor should you shell out a bunch of money for it. Plus, you’ll actually save money if you’re going out to dinner less and eating less overall. If you manage to find a weight loss supplement that works, chances are it is horrible for you, and it’s better just to do things the right way. Like yeah, meth makes you lose weight too, but then you also look like this:
To be fair, she’s super thin.
Ah, hair gummies. Instagram marketing at its best. These gummies are usually around $30 a bottle and are basically a multivitamin with Biotin and a bunch of added sugars thrown in for good measure. Yes, Biotin can help promote hair growth, but you can get a bottle of Biotin supplements from your drugstore for like, $10 and skip all the sugar and unnecessary shit. This is my own personal experience and not at all a proven side-effect, but I ate gummy hair vitamins and all I did was break out. Did my hair grow? Maybe. I couldn’t tell over all the fresh acne.
Although I understand that Kim Kardashian is a woman of science and she is exactly who we all should take advice from on what to put into our bodies, I am going to violently disagree with this idea of appetite suppressants. One, eating is the best. Two, yeah right that those fucking lollipops even work. Three, you need food to live. If you’re hungry, you should eat, not try to stave off your body’s natural hunger signals. Like, odds are if you’re trying to cut calories, you don’t need to suppress your hunger, just your desire to eat shitty food (hi). You do not need to be sucking on bullshit, pro-starvation lollipops.
Images: Amazon (3); Giphy (1)