It’s been a dramatic couple of days, but Jordyn-gate is far from over. Yesterday, I spent literally my entire day at work scrolling through Instagram laughing at all the Jordyn Woods memes, but she’s probably not laughing right now. Sources are saying that Jordyn is moving out of Kylie’s house and back in with her mom, which feels…correct. Jordyn has basically spent the last three years mooching off of Kylie, so it’s going to be a tough time now that she has to pay for her own sh*t. But the Kardashian family has never been into showing sympathy, so they’re wasting no time in beginning their public roasting of Jordyn Woods.
The first to strike was Kourtney Kardashian, who posted to her story yesterday morning. This post kind of got lost in the chaos that was Instagram yesterday, but it’s a pretty great use of shade by Kourt.
Okay, so first of all, I need this sweater. Normally, I would say this piece of clothing just fits Kourtney’s general annoyed demeanor, but her posting this amidst the drama with Jordyn just can’t be a coincidence. Basically, Kourt is saying that the Kardashians made Jordyn, and now she can kindly get the f*ck out. California’s a big state, but Jordyn Woods is not safe.
Kourtney’s post was a fun bit of shade, but Khloé Kardashian came in hot and heavy on Thursday morning with the public-shaming Instagram stories.
I mean…damn. I don’t know how close Jordyn and Khloé actually are/were, but this is ice cold, and I feel like we can all relate a little bit.
Okay girl! Yes, please take this as a sign and drop Tristan’s ass forever! I would say that Khloé dodged a bullet, but she’s already spent years with Tristan and had a child with him, so that’s probably a little generous. Either way, he’s obviously a horrible guy, and I hope Khloé never gives him another chance. Thank u, next.
Of all of these shady-ass subtweets, this one probably hits the hardest. Khloé is clearly in a dark place right now, and she has no problem saying that Jordyn is the one who f*cked her up. She closed out her Instagram story attack with one last cryptic image, which is probably an accurate representation of her mental state right now.
While I would probably advise Khloé to just log off of social media for a minute and take some deep breaths, she’s also went on Twitter to throw one more little bit of shade. By that, I mean that she like a tweet in which Jordyn is called “a terrible woman,” and Tristan is called “a sick man.” Honestly, this makes me happy, because I don’t think Tristan has been getting nearly enough hate in this whole situation.
It’s 2019, so I fully believe that Khloé Kardashian knows that we can all see which tweets she likes. Thus, we all know where Khloé’s head is at right now, and she knows it too. Even if all of this turns out to be some insane publicity stunt, Khloé is playing to win, and it seems like she’s going to come out on top. Meanwhile, Jordyn is sleeping in her mom’s guest room and Tristan is on a one-way flight back to Cleveland right now. Sad!
On a semi-related note, Jonathan Cheban AKA Foodgod, our least favorite Kardashian-adjacent scum, was completely in his own world yesterday. He reposted a video on his story of a prayer candle with his face on it, and the post had Jordyn Woods tagged in it.
Jesus Christ Jonathan, read a f*cking room for once in your life. I’m hoping Kim put him in timeout for at least an hour for reposting this, because it definitely doesn’t go with the family message of icing Jordyn out completely. Am I surprised by Jonathan Cheban doing something completely self-serving and tone-deaf? No! I! Am! Not! What a clown.
As always, we will be closely monitoring this story for additional updates/shady Instagram stories, because this is my Super Bowl. Right now, I’m sending positive thoughts to Khloé Kardashian, because I’m starting to be worried that she might murder Jordyn and/or Tristan. This is so fun!
Images: Shutterstock; @kourtneykardash, @khloekardashian (4), @foodgod / Instagram; @khloekardashian / Twitter