Ah, the blissful ignorance of the youth. Remember the days of sitting in the back of the car, singing along loudly and proudly to the current radio hits? And using Photo Booth to film yourself doing karaoke to said songs when you were home alone? (Is this too niche?) I love how we belted every word of pretty vulgar tunes while having no clue what the lyrics meant. I’ll say it: I did not know what a “disco stick” referred to when Lady Gaga introduced me to the phrase.
We’re truly blessed to have been raised by the likes of her, Christina Aguilera, Rihanna, 50 Cent, and more. Sure, we may have gotten a touch ahead of ourselves sometimes, singing about sex, drugs, and heartbreak as sad little tweens. But hey, early exposure to these matters builds character. Look at us now! To reminisce on the best of times, I made a comprehensive list of songs from our childhood that we really had no business singing. Do I even have any business singing them now? Very debatable.
“Last Friday Night” By Katy Perry
I can assure you that there were no strangers in my bed or poundings in my head when I was in fifth grade. Needless to say, I also was not in my “streaking in the park, skinny-dipping in the dark, ménage à trois” era at that time. Did any of that stop me from singing this in front of my parents? No.
“Unfaithful” By Rihanna
This was my go-to karaoke song even though it was entirely unrelatable. I really put everything I had into that chorus: “He knows I’m unfaithful and it kills him inside to know that I am happy with some other guy.” It’s true — suitors were just lining up for me in elementary school, and I just couldn’t choose one.
“Rehab” By Amy Winehouse
Nobody could get me to go to rehab in 2006. Nope. Was not gonna happen! I literally said, “No, no, no.”
“LoveGame” By Lady Gaga
“I wanna take a ride on your disco stick.” Need I say more?
“Love The Way You Lie” By Eminem Featuring Rihanna
Why did we all know all of Eminem’s verses in this song? Concerned that we didn’t think twice about screaming “If she ever tries to fucking leave again, I’mma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire.” I truly hope the kids today haven’t discovered this one yet.
“Genie in a Bottle” By Christina Aguilera
When I first heard “I’m a genie in a bottle / You gotta rub me the right way,” I definitely did not realize which way she meant. Now, my developed brain can appreciate the poetry of this iconic track.
“In Da Club” By 50 Cent
We sang “I’m into having sex, I ain’t into making love” with a little too much passion for people who had no experience in the intimacy department whatsoever. Not to mention, I was very much not “in da club” because I was in math class.
“My Neck, My Back (Lick It)” By Khia
I wanna salute Khia for teaching us about popping our pussies at a *very* young age. There was not a thought behind our eyes when we bopped along to “My neck, my back / Lick my pussy and my crack.” I love that for us.
