So Long, Sweet Summer: Weekly Horoscopes For September 4-7

With your Labor Day sized hangover today, it may seem like there’s not a lot to be optimistic about. It can be a confusing time of year. You know how it’s chilly in the morning so you wear a sweater and then it’s 90 degrees and you’re sweating your lady balls off by 2pm. Like the weather, some of the planets are giving you mixed signals as well. Here are your weekly horoscopes for September 4-7.


This is the week to let it all out. You’ve had some feelings festering in the summer heat, but now that it’s starting to cool down, you can speak your mind. If you haven’t had the DTR talk, this is the time to do it. Mercury is in your fifth house syncing with Venus in your partnership zone. Therefore, openness could lead to a more exclusive connection, if you’re into that sort of thing.


Back to school? Back to paying attention at work? You’ll be ready to learn and probably actually stay on task now that it’s getting too chilly to be drinking outside into the early morning hours. Also, you’re in luck because Mars whets your appetite to travel and learn more. That early autumn vacation or fall semester of study abroad was perfectly timed for the Taurus betch.


Okay, there’s like a lot going on for you this week. Jupiter makes you healthy and happier at work. Mars turns you on, heating up your sex life, so that’s nice. But the biggest thing going on for you right now has to do with Saturn. It means the resources of others might be cut off or less available in the coming weeks. Get other people to buy your drinks, because the Bank of Daddy might be closing soon.


Negotiator Mercury is in your money zone aligning with beauty-conscious Venus. You’ll be hunting this week for deals on purchases that will make you more attractive. Like, sure, money doesn’t buy happiness. It does, however, help you rack up the rewards points at Sephora so you can score a tiny sample of some product you’ll love but can’t actually afford to buy in the full size.


You’re not afraid to shoot your shot this week. Mercury in your sign aligning with Venus in your communication zone means you’re on track to put yourself out there even more, not that anyone could ever accuse you of being shy. Go ahead, slide into your work crush’s DMs on LinkedIn and ask to set up a coffee meeting. The worst they could say is no, right?


You’ve got the upper hand on basically every sign right now. Both the Sun and Mercury are in your sign. The Sun continues to bring you good vibes and attention. We all know Mercury can wreck your sh*t, but when it’s in your sign and not in retrograde, it only means more peace and blessings are headed your way.


Mercury is in your friendship zone right now so it’s a really good week to reconnect with your friends. Have you been neglecting some friendships you consider important? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Your phone is literally always in your hand so, like, how hard is it to shoot someone a text? Reconnecting now will benefit you greatly in the weeks ahead. Just you wait.


Blame your word vomit on Mars this week. The planet is making you direct and forthright with your communication. So when you tell the boy you met on a dating app to move it or lose it, you’ll know where that came from. No one needs a pen pal. Likewise, when you tell your coworker to STFU about how you do your job because she doesn’t sign your checks, thank Mars for that too.


Pay attention to Saturn in your House of Earnings this week. Its position means you’re more likely to discover what you truly value. Sure, at one time you thought you wanted a four-car garage, three kids, and two golden retrievers, but now that you’re working and living your best life, your goals and values could change a little. Okay, maybe you’ll just decide you actually hate kids, but the dogs can stay. Obvi.


Are your ears burning this week, Capricorn? If you’re getting the feeling that your name is coming out other people’s mouths, don’t be surprised. Mercury is syncing with Venus in your reputation zone. Don’t worry too much about what the haters are saying. In fact, most people are nothing but complimentary of you right now. You’ve been working hard to hide what an actual hot mess you are on the inside and have definitely tricked people into thinking you have style and class. Good for you.


Jupiter is at the top of your chart this week. That’s great news. This is the best time in more than a decade to do a little social/status climbing. Make sure you look your best at any event where there’s a networking opportunity. Not that you need your looks to land a job or promotion or anything, it’s just really easy to bond with the higher-ups over your cute shoes or handbag.


Mars makes you competitive this week. Whether you’re at work, vying for a job, or just noticing yourself getting a little more jealous of any woman who dares to go near your boyfriend, it’s best that you remind yourself to chill the f*ck out. On the flip side, Saturn strives for a balance between your needs and the needs of others. So, maybe Ryan can stop talking to his “best friend” Cassie all the time because it’s driving you literally crazy and she’s a skank. Something like that.

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