Last week’s episode of Real Housewives of New York City was like, amazingly good, so Bravo’s Law of Physics dictates that this week’s episode has to be kind of sucky. And plot spoiler: it was. The women are still in Tequila, Mexico (which, yes, is really a place and not just a clever location some sorority girl tagged her house party at on Instagram), and they have plans to black out. However, one of the planned events is a Skinny Girl tequila tasting, and because it’s technically a business event, Bethenny uninvites Ramona because she literally cannot control herself. Obviously, Ramona can’t just accept the fact that she’s not invited, and tries to fix things with Bethenny but fails miserably.
Ramona: I don’t not not like you.
Literally the least convincing argument I’ve ever heard in my entire life.
Next, everyone goes surfing, except for Tinsley and Sonja, who hang back to bitch at each other over the Page Six item Sonja probably leaked about Tinsley. Luann is really excited to go surfing because she’s trying to kill a mean hangover. Honestly, I’m totally shocked that she was even capable of getting out of bed after how drunk she was last episode. She’s truly gaining my respect back. This betch can hang. Although her ability to handle liquor is honorable, her efforts to become un-hungover are not our recommended method. Hasn’t she ever had a trenta Berry Hibiscus Refresher from Starbucks? It’s like, way easier. You really can’t trust anyone who uses physical activity to cure a hangover.
Pretty much everyone sucks at surfing and we get a nice little montage of everyone wiping out. Obv, Bethenny is good at surfing, because she’s annoyingly good at everything.
Tinsley expected Sonja to kill the story about her being an ungrateful house guest, and Sonja expects Tinsley to understand that when you’re on RHONY–or even just friends with Sonja in general–you’re going to get written about.
Sonja: WELCOME TO MY FRIEND GROUP.
Some friend groups have to deal with group chat roastings and some have to worry about their shit getting aired out to the press. Come on, Tins. Catch on.
Next, the women go shopping and we see Tinsley’s serious shopping addiction in real time.
Tinsley: I want to have everything.
This chick even wants stuff that she knows she’ll never use upon point of purchase. The least she could do is pretend to want an ugly straw bag.
Ramona has decided that she’s going to pretend nothing is wrong between her and Bethenny, so she starts buying Bethenny shit. One one hand, this is super transparent and annoying, but I’d also advise Bethenny to see how long she can keep it going for. She has also basically accepted the fact that she’s probably going to allow Ramona to come to the tequila tasting.
Bethenny: I’m saying no, but all signs are pointing to yes.
God, it’s like when your ex-boyfriend booty calls you when you’re drunk. Like, you go out at night with your friends saying “Fuck him, he sucks, I’ll ignore him,” but you know that if you see him you’ll end up going home with him. Sometimes, you just can’t say no.
Back at the house, Ramona decides to go “for a run” in her one piece. I cannot handle her.
Carole: There’s probably a hot guy she’s running towards. Or just a guy.
Maybe it was the creepy beach run she took, but Ramona later gets hit with some sense and realizes she’s in the wrong with her whole feud with B.
Ramona: I admit that I fucked up. Whether it was the right thing to say or the wrong thing to say, I hurt Bethenny.
What is this responsible thought process that is occurring?! I am shocked!
Because it’s the night before the tequila tasting, Bethenny warns the women to keep their shit together so they’re not too hungover to rip shots the entire next day.
Bethenny: Tonight should not be like, a blackout night.
That’s literally what everyone says before a blackout night.
At dinner, Dorinda continues to be my favorite and gives everyone the most hilarious gifts ever and just shits on all their lives. She literally gave Sonja “nobody cares” pills.
Bethenny then confronts Ramona and warns her not to fuck up the tequila day, which, IMHO defeats the purpose of a “tequila day,” but whatever. It ends in a drunk hug where Bethenny tells Ramona she’s excited that she’s coming, even though she’s totally, definitely not excited. Sounds about right.
Sonja hasn’t had a drink in ten months and decides that the tequila fest day is the right day to start drinking again. Bold move.
The next morning, they take two helicopters to the tequila tasting which B describes as “pretty baller.” You have to give it to her, that is kind of a dream day.
Then, they get into the process of creating tequila, which is boring as shit. I think I can speak for all of us when I say we don’t care how it’s made.
Finally, they start drinking.
Bethenny: I could diss this group in many ways but this is the crew to bring to Tequila.
I mean, why have a group of friends that actually like each other if you could have a group of friends that can hold some serious tequila?
Ramona: Drinking this tequila right now is kind of sexy.
Leave it to Ramona to make it weird. Basically, all the housewives have weird sexual things to say about the tequila shots they took and I don’t feel great about it. I just like, really don’t like this episode. I’ll have plenty of time to watch rich white ladies get black out drunk when my friends and I get old.
Bethenny: This is a marathon. We’re going to be tasting tequila all the live long day.
This episode is actually making me sick.
After tons of rounds of tequila shots, they hop back into the helicopters and go back to the house. I can’t even get into an Uber after a night out without getting the spins, so my thoughts and prayers are really with all of these women on their drunk helicopter ride.
When they get back to the house and everyone is a hot ass mess. The episode ends with everyone jumping off rope swings into the pool, Sonja trying to suck everyone’s face and Luann just letting it all happen. Hopefully, this means next week is a bit more promising.