Usually, I’m pretty bummed by the time the final episode of a Real Housewives of New York City reunion comes around, but this season, I’m so ready. These storylines kept my interest for as long as the Starbucks unicorn frappuccino did. (So, for less than 30 seconds.)
Anyway, the third episode of the reunion begins with a montage of the Housewives discussing dirty shit, but primarily butt sex. Apparently Tinsley’s ex-husband, Topper, called her out for talking about his dick on television. Tough break.
Tinsley: I talk too much.
I hate when I find myself relating to Tinsley, but I definitely understand how she feels after watching a highlight reel of herself getting drunk and talking about stuff she should probably keep private.
This gross little montage was a pretty nice way to segue into a discussion about Ramona and Bethenny’s feud, which began when Crazy Eyes asked B if her daughter, Brynn, knew about her being “naked in the press.” Bravo gives us a little video of Bethenny and Ramona fighting, and then being naked and crying and making up in the pool. Don’t you just love when reality television plot lines come full circle?
Then, since this feud was pretty much the only exciting thing to happen all season, they all have to spend for-fucking-ever
pretending to care talking about it.
A viewer writes in to ask why Bethenny got so mad at Ramona’s question instead of just answering it, to which she explains that she found Ramona’s inquiry to be ill-intentioned and offensive. She also calls Ramona out for lying about the timeline of events to justify her nosiness, and Ramona pulls out receipts. This bitch loves pulling out receipts at reunions. Like, she’s insane.
Ramona: I don’t read the press. *Whips out iPhone* I asked my friend to Snapchat me the date and she said it was when she was in the Bahamas!
Um… Ramona… are those green text bubbles? And I don’t think you’re using Snapchat correctly, but whatever. The two keep bickering and if you’re invested enough to actually continue to follow this back and forth, I’m not sure if I should applaud or pity you.
Ramona: I have been there for you for 10 years!
Bethenny: You brought me hummus when I was bleeding out. Thanks.
Finally, Andy starts asking some good questions, like whether Ramona was taking pills every time she was acting like an insane person. Obviously, Ramona says she was just drinking but nobody believes that. It’s pretty much Housewives reunion law to lie about the substances you took during the season.
Next up, they talk about the fact that Sonja treated Tinsley like an intern all season. I’m just like, gonna skip over that because this entire reunion is just a shit ton of “I never said that” and “yes, you did!”
Thankfully, talking about Mexico brings some much needed entertainment to this overall boring as hell episode. I am proud to report that the footage of Luann falling down never, ever gets less hilarious. Somehow, not a single person puked while the Housewives were in Mexico, which is a fucking miracle. They literally just got up and rallied everyday like total champions. Well done, ladies.
Bethenny: Pros play hurt.
However, I’d be willing to bet that at least one viewer felt nauseous during the entire time that Sonja was naked and trying to attack everyone.
Speaking of feeling ill, everyone plays the rose and thorn game again, and Luann is all like, “I got married!! In case anyone forgot!!” which again, is so sad because like… she’s really not married anymore.
Anyway, thank god this season’s over and we’re walking into the next one with a divorce in the cards. That’s usually pretty promising.