Donald Trump’s inauguration is tomorrow. It’s happening. And while much of the buzz over the past few weeks has been about who is and isn’t performing at the ceremony, there’s been lots and lots of bullshit politics going on. We don’t miss anything, so we’ve put together your comprehensive list of all our favorite topics that Donald has lied about in the past few weeks. See you in four years, Betches, until then we’ll be hiding out somewhere in the Caribbean where they have free health insurance and bottomless mimosas.
BUSINESS
The conflicts of interest with Trump’s business haven’t gotten any better. If you’ll recall, normally, the President is supposed to put their business assets in a blind trust while they’re in office, which means they aren’t in control of anything in order to reduce potential conflicts of interest. Now he’s officially given control of the family company to his sons, but he will not divest his personal interests in the company. Also, we all know that his sons are basically just robots that he controls. Aka get ready for Trump hotels on every corner by 2019 (that foreign diplomats may or may not be lining up to stay in); don’t say we didn’t warn you.
MEXICO
We’ve been over the fact that Mexico isn’t paying for any damn wall. Trump is still spewing some bullshit that Mexico will pay for it later, but we all know that’s never going to happen. So like, enjoy the raise on your taxes. Just like that time you helped your shady ex make his rent, you’re never seeing this money ever again.
Earlier this week, Trump told Fox News that he really doesn’t like using Twitter. This might not be a direct lie, but he certainly could’ve fooled us. If we don’t feel like tweeting about Rosie O’Donnell at 3am, we just don’t fucking do it, so … ???
RUSSIA
Trump has still been unbelievably wishy-washy on the involvement of Russia in the Presidential election (we wonder why). After the US intelligence agencies issued a report that Russia was definitely involved, Trump chose to focus only on the fact that the actual election result probably wasn’t affected. Like, just because Putin himself wasn’t stuffing a ballot box doesn’t mean nothing was wrong with the situation. Tbh it’s comical how much he’s had to lie about Russia in the last month.
FAKE NEWS
At his cringeworthy press conference last week, one of the worst moments was when he yelled at a CNN reporter and called the network “fake news.” This isn’t just a stupid thing to say, it’s just plain wrong. Fake news has become a huge problem in the digital age, but CNN isn’t anything close to fake news. Just because a media outlet doesn’t crawl up his ass like Fox doesn’t mean they are blatantly making up stories and passing them off as news and Trump can completely disregard them. At least, that’s how the Constitution is supposed to work. He also said in an interview that he “hadn’t thought of” how mistreating the media could cause him problems in the future, which is terrifying, if not an outright lie.
PISS
Some unverified reports published last week claim that Trump is into golden showers. SNL obviously had a field day with this. We have no idea if this is true or not, we just think it’s hilarious and wanted an excuse to talk about it again.
After those reports came out, Trump met with the Director of National Intelligence about them. It’s a matter of public record that the “intelligence agencies made no judgment about the reliability of the allegations,” but that didn’t stop Trump from tweeting that the Director assured him the reports were false. Like, we literally know for a fact that this never happened.
THE ELECTION
One of Trump’s favorite claims is that he easily won the election, or that it was a landslide victory. Um, not really at all. Hillary won the popular vote by a pretty huge margin—a month after the election, sources were putting it at over 2 million votes—and the three states that decided the electoral college could’ve been flipped with only a few thousand votes. Chill out, we know you won (ugh), just stop exaggerating.
HEALTHCARE
Trump has repeatedly said that he’s committed to making sure that every American has access to health insurance, but has never actually said how he’ll make this happen. It’s a nice idea, but the Republicans’ rapid progress toward repealing the Affordable Care Act suggests otherwise. He and the Republicans in Congress keep saying they’ll “repeal and replace,” but we’ll believe that shit when we see it. This is not an outright lie per se (yet); we’re just extremely skeptical.
MERYL
Politics are important, but Meryl Streep is a fucking American treasure. We’re definitely still not over Trump calling her “over-rated” on Twitter. So fucking false. You messed with the wrong feminist icon/goddess. He also still won’t admit that he made fun of that disabled reporter, which is probably one of his most pathetic lies of all. THERE IS LITERALLY VIDEO PROOF. How do you deny something that was caught on video (CC: Taylor Swift)???
JOBS
Trump loves to talk about bringing jobs back to the US, which we can generally get behind. But he also loves taking credit for shit he had nothing to do with, and this is where the lies come in. This week, Chrysler announced a new billion-dollar investment into production in Michigan and Ohio, and Trump immediately took to Twitter to brag about all the growth he’s bringing to our country. Only problem is, Chrysler originally introduced this plan a full year ago. And none for you Donald, bye.
L.L. BEAN
Apparently there’s a real Bean family behind those boots, and one of them, Linda Bean, is a psycho Trump supporter. Trump took this to mean that the whole company loves him, and he tweeted an endorsement that is actually against White House policy, nbd (while he claims to have no conflicts of interest or ethics concerns at all … K). The rest of the company was subsequently like Jesus fucking Christ Linda what did you do, and now they’re distancing themselves from Trump. Brb, buying more Bean boots.
LYING
When Trump was asked in an interview whether lying is ever necessary, he responded by…avoiding the question. What else would you expect? The only person better at pivoting away from a question is Kellyanne Conway, and she’s not always there to spread the bullshit for him. Well, at least he didn’t lie?
HONORABLE MENTION: BETSY DEVOS
Rest assured, Trump hasn’t been the only one lying through his teeth. His nominee for Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos, was universally ridiculed for her absurd comments on guns in schools during her confirmation hearing this week, but that’s not all. She literally lied to the Senate about not being on the board of her family’s foundation when it made large donations to anti-LGBT groups. Tax records clearly show that she was lying, but she insisted it was nothing more than a clerical error. Sorry Betsy (stupid name anyway), but that’s like paying someone to take the SAT for you then saying they just accidentally showed the wrong ID. Rookie move.
