Y’all, it finally happened. After two f*cking years, the long-awaited Season 8 of Game of Thrones kicked off last night. And boy, we’ve got a lot to unpack here. There was incest, dragons, dragon rides, dead kids nailed to walls, hookers discussing giant lizards, and a woman drinking heavily despite being preggers.
If you haven’t watched this week’s episode, stop reading right now and go read our recap, because this sh*t isn’t going to make a ton of sense to you. Additionally, although nothing has been proven yet, spoilers ahead, so gtfo and don’t @ me in the comments.
Predictions for the end of our epic journey have been floating around the Internet since Game of Thrones kicked off years ago, but we’re finally able to *fairly* confidently predict a few things that we think may happen this season – wrapping up the whole ice, fire, iron throne, and dragon saga.
Tyrion Is Gonna Do Something Sh*tty
I don’t want to believe it, but I do. Game of Thrones Redditors pinned this theory back during the Season 7 finale (and based on book outlines), when Tyrion was sketchily lurking outside the room where Jon and Dany were incest-ing. Although I (and Reddit) fully believe that Tyrion is, at his core, a good dude, he also is clearly torn between his family and his new queen.
Think about his reaction to the absolute slaughter that Dany wrecked on Jaime’s armies outside Highgarden in Season 7. How about his decision to have a one-on-one with Cersei after she wanted nothing to do with Jon and Dany’s monster quest? What did he say in that meeting that we didn’t see? I think, unknowingly, Tyrion’s alliances are going to bite him in the ass, and he may end up paying for it with his life.
Jaime Will Kill Cersei
When Jaime walked away from Cersei during the Season 7 finale and headed off to support Winterfell, we all collectively knew sh*t was about to get real. Jaime’s character arc has been at a stopping point for a while now, since he’s less pushing-kids-outta-towers than in previous seasons. It makes sense that Jaime will complete his character’s journey once he kills Cersei – the reason behind a lot of his bad behavior. He will probably die in the process (my money is on the Mountain slapping him to death), but he’ll have destroyed the woman that’s been responsible for a lot of the misery on this show, too.
Reddit threads seems to think history will repeat itself – possibly with an ever-more-out-of-touch Cersei screaming “burn them all” when Jaime snaps and kills her. Plus, there’s the whole Maggie the Frog prophecy that Cersei will be killed by the Valonqar – Valerian for “little brother,” and Jaime is the younger twin.
Anyone else sick of Bran? He lost my respect when he v awkwardly brought up Sansa’s “wedding” to Ramsey (and the subsequent rape and beating) with about as much emotion as I have when I’m scrolling through Instagram. Despite his newfound weirdness, Bran is very likely to play a role in the defeat of the Night King. If the dragons all destroy each other and the Night King survives a dragon crash, short of an epic sword fight with Jon Snow, nothing is likely to take this guy down. That is, unless Bran gets inside his head.
The showrunners have set us up to accept that Bran has a very odd connection with the Night King, and it’s likely that he’ll attempt to warg into the frozen soldier’s brain and win the war. However, I think he’ll get stuck, and the only way to end the whole ordeal will be for someone – probably Jon – to kill Bran. You heard it here first. Also f*ck Bran, he’s the weirdest Game of Thrones character.
All The Dragons Will Die
There’s really no way around this one. The Night King is currently piloting a very dead, very blue-fire breathing dragon. Assuming that only the other two dragons, Rhaegal and Drogon, can take down zombie Viserion, we’re looking at a full-on dragon battle, and my guess is that the two “good” dragons will die in the process. There’s no way for lasting peace to prevail in Westeros while dragons are alive and Dany is threatening to burn people alive.
Plus, all of these dragons are male, and, while we’re all for gay dragon rights and families, it’s gonna be really difficult to produce more dragons without a lady dragon involved. There is a totally oddball theory that there are dragon eggs hidden underneath Winterfell, but that seems pretty far-fetched at the moment.
Dany Is Totes Preggers And Will Die
This rumor has been floating around since Dany and Jon got it on in the boat in Season 7’s final episode, and a lot of it seems to have to do with the witch’s prophecy about the sun rising in the East and all that jazz. First off, gross, cause incest. But, more importantly, if Dany is going to die, which she probably will, a death via childbirth is pretty neat and tidy for the sake of the plot. Jon and the kid will, if I had to guess, probably live, and go on to create a new and better world in Westeros. There are also people claiming that Dany looks bigger this season than she did last season, but I personally think she’s just in hibernation mode.
Additionally, if we go back to Dany’s vision in Season 2 in the House of the Undying, she sees Khal Drogo and her infant son waiting for her beyond the wall. Redditors think this signifies her death beyond the wall and, since she’s alone, a child that lives.
Jon Will Keep His Secret For Now
Samwell revealed to Jon in Episode 1 of Season 8 that he is, in fact, the heir to the Iron Throne. Jon has A LOT of feelings about this. Although he really only vocalizes that he can’t believe Ned Stark – the man he believed was his father for his entire life – lied to him, he also mentions that this whole conversation is treason, since he’s pledged himself to Dany’s claim and cause. But, really, deep down, he’s also probably super weirded out that he’s been making out with his aunt.
All these factors and feelings together make us believe one thing – he isn’t telling Dany about his parentage any time soon. First of all, any mention of his claim to the throne would immediately (probably) lose him Dany as an ally. He needs her (and her fire-breathing pets) to defeat the Night King AND take hold of the country.
I might be wrong about all this sh*t, but we only have a few more Game of Thrones episodes left, and a lot of plot to get through. Whether these predictions are exactly right or not, I think we can all agree that a lot of people will die, and there will probably be some more incest. Yay!
Images: HBO; Giphy (6)