The 2024 Paris Olympics are less than two months away, so you know what that means: the world’s best athletes are training harder than ever before, patriotic fans are getting ready to support their countries, and … anti-sex beds are arriving in Paris?
If you have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about, let’s take it back to 2020 (well, 2021, thanks to COVID) Olympic games in Tokyo.
When athletes arrived at the notoriously-horny Olympic Village (I’ll get into that in just a sec), they saw that their rooms were filled with tiny, twin-sized beds that seemed to be made of some sort of flimsy cardboard material. Once they posted pictures of these beds, the internet did what it typically does and spun the story that these beds were made small and weak on purpose to deter the Olympic athletes from all fucking each other during the games. It was even said that the beds couldn’t handle more than a certain weight on purpose so that athletes wouldn’t share them.
But after these “anti-sex beds,” as they were being called, started trending, the Olympic athletes began sharing videos of them jumping on the bed to demonstrate that the rumors weren’t true. These small, frail-looking beds were actually part of an eco-friendly recycling initiative. It was the first time, apparently, that almost all the beds and bedding linked to the Olympic games were made from renewable materials.
All this talk about anti-sex beds makes me think that no one bangs standing up anymore.
— Katelyn Bowden Ⓥ (@medus4_cdc) May 16, 2024
And context is important here, too. It is true that there was an intimacy ban during the 2021 Tokyo Olympics, but let’s remember the time and people. The games were postponed a year due to COVID — and the Olympics had only been canceled three times since its first debut in 1896. And all of those times had been because of World Wars. So, of course, they didn’t want people having sex… they were scared they’d be spreading COVID! So, why are they back for the 2024 Paris Summer Olympics?
Anti-Sex Beds Are Back at the Paris Olympics
The Olympic Village has been known for being a cesspool of sexual activity. No, seriously, some athletes reported having foursomes and orgies, while others described seeing people going at it right outside in the grass. Some athletes even spoke about how the most sex they have in their lives is during the two weeks they stay at the Olympic Village. These Olympians are horny, so an intimacy ban paired with freakishly small beds seemed like a direct attack on the very pro-sex culture of the Olympic Village.
But there’s nothing anti-sex going on at this year’s Olympics. In fact, it’s been reported that 300,000 condoms are going to be stocked for the 9,000 athletes. That’s about 33 condoms per athlete to use within a span of 16 days!!! Now, having sex twice a day for two weeks doesn’t sound insane to me (haven’t we all been on vacation?), but it’s still a pretty staggering number considering, you know, the athletes are there to compete and not just lounge around fucking everything in sight. But that’s why they’re athletes, I guess. When it comes to stamina and endurance, they’re the best of the best.
Plus, let’s be real. If we all managed to have sex on those half-twin-sized beds in college (which weren’t made of cardboard, but definitely something worse), no type of bed is stopping Olympic athletes from getting it in. Have you ever heard of floor sex?
Do Olympians have to stay in Olympic Village?
While the Olympic Village is a pretty integral part of the Olympic experience (I mean, it’s not open to any public outside of participating athletes), there’s definitely no requirement for athletes to stay there — but it is the most convenient option. Plus, if you’re going to have a grueling two weeks of training and competing for the most important award of your entire career, wouldn’t you want to be in the middle of all the real action while doing it?
